Silent Tears
by kayleighchaos093
Summary: Lily Evans has a problem. Three men are in love with her. Her best friend, her worst enemy, and her worst enemy's best friend. This is Lily's story about making a choice. JP/LE SB/LE SS/LE SB/OC rated M for later chapters
1. Fallen

_**Late spring, June of 1977**_, the graduating class of Hogwarts was leaving for the last time tomorrow. Some were eager, but there were others, take the marauders for example, that never wanted this chapter in their life to end, because they knew they after this day, they needed to grow up and start a life, that they would no longer live together, and pull pranks on the unsuspecting Slytherins, because in life, they no longer lived by those labels, but by their occupation. Auror, Healer, and for some that chose the dark path, Death Eater.

One of the Marauders sat in his favorite arm chair by the fire in Gryffindor Common room, perhaps for the last time, waiting for the love of his life, under the current status of girlfriend, to meet him for a walk. Every now and then he would realize what he was about to do, and his heart would painfully protest this change that could turn bad.

You see, James Potter was determined to change his girlfriend's status of, well, girlfriend. He hadn't even told his best friends yet, which was what made him so indecisive. Based on the reactions of Moony, Wormtail, and most importantly (and usually humorously) Padfoot, he would know if he was doing the right thing for sure or not. Because that's how they worked.

He felt two small hands rest softly on his shoulders, and he looked up at the smiling face of Lily Evans. As usual, she had a profound influence at him. Sweaty palms fast heart rate, the feeling that he might faint of ecstasy, the works.

"Where are you James?" she asked, and he realized she must have been observing him for a while, when he was zoned out.

James Potter stood, stretched and yawned, before answering her. "My happy place."

"Really?" The beautiful red head asked, as she took his hand and they started for the portrait hole. "You looked troubled." Her eyes were searching his, and he looked over at some second years tossing a fanged Frisbee.

"Hand it over," James said, taking on his 'Head Boy voice' as Sirius refers to it, and walking toward them.

"Aw, come on James, it's the last night before we leave!" One boy named Stephen, whom he had once tutored, complained, "Cant we have some fun?"

As Head Boy, and boyfriend to the biggest rule-follower there is, he knew he _should _take it, but instead he pursed his lips, and moved aside a tapestry, revealing a door that blended in with the wall, one the marauders had found a week into school, and was quite handy for everything from dueling to intense snogging sessions. "At least avoid doing it where a teacher, of McGonagall, could find you."

After the boys expressed their awe at a hidden room, and their thanks, they ran into the room, closing the door behind them.

"What?" James asked innocently. "Don't give me that look." Lily had an arched eyebrow and a scolding look on her face, but there was a hint of a smile. She just shook her head.

For the next ten minutes, making their way onto the school grounds, they talked about their career goals, Lily explained that she was going to stay in her parent's house for a couple weeks, until she could find an apartment close to the Ministry of Magic. And with each step, the small package in James' cloak pocket felt heavier and heaver.

Slowly and discreetly, he turned the conversation to them. When they would have dinner together and he even jokingly suggested sleepovers. That had earned him a shove, a small giggle, but a long, awkward silence none-the-less.

He took a deep breath, and pulled her to a stop beside him. "Lily, I don't know what I'd do without you in my life. Once we leave here, it'll be so hard just to miss you for days at a time, especially when I'm used to this," he tightened his grip on her hands for a second, "every day. I know I've been saying it from day one, and maybe on day one I didn't mean it like I do now, but every day since, it's become more and more clear to me that we were meant to be together. Lily--"

Lily gave him a small questioning look as he took her other hand so that he was holding both, but then her expression froze, eyes widening only slightly, as he got on one knee.

Either his throat was swelling, or his heart was trying to regurgitate itself, but for a second he couldn't speak, and then it all fell out, maybe a little too fast, but with enough emotion to show that he was sincere. "I love you, with all my heart. I promise to love you every day for the rest of our lives. Would you do me the honor, of being my wife?"

He let go of one of her hands so that he could fumble for the little black box that was in the pocket opposite of the one he uses for his wand, and he opened it to reveal a diamond ring.

When he mustered up the guts to look her in the face, he saw that she was crying and covering her mouth with her free hand, her eyes squeezed shut, and she was shaking ever so slightly.

Suddenly he got that feeling, gut instinct you could call it, that it wasn't an emotion filled 'I'm-crying-my-eyes-out-but-yes-I'll-marry-you," kind of cry.

After a minute, when his knee was damp from resting on the ground, and his arm had slacked in showing off the ring, when she had gained only enough control of herself, did she answer him.

"I-I'm so s-s-sorry J-James." Her voice stuttered, along with his breaking heart, "I c-cant. I'm not-we're not-you-I" she carried off incoherently, as he slowly stood up, the ring falling from his limp hand, little velvet box and all.

And he feared, that as she had only six months earlier, that she was infatuated with someone else. That someone was a no good, greasly little--

_**.:January of 1977:.**_

James looked up from his conversation with Moony to a hand from his left hitting his shoulder.

What the bloody hell has you hitting me Pads?" James asked his best mate, looking at Sirius bouncing around like a mad man.

"Remember when you told me that you think Evans might be warming up to you?" the bouncing man asked excitedly.

James answered slowly, the topic random and surprising, as they had talked about this two weeks prior. "Yes….why?"

"Because, I dare you to ask Evans right…..now!" and James looked up to see the familiar red-head marching toward him, Head Girl badge gleaming in the sunlight from the nearest window. "No take-backsies!" Sirius said, snickering.

James sighed. Yep, this was exactly what he needed, to get on her bad side once more, after they had been doing so well. She had even started calling him James. Damn Sirius. Damn him to the fiery pits of Voldemort's house.

"Hey Evans!" James cried, catching her attention. Instead of snapping at him to go do something vulgar, as had been customary all six years previous to this one, she merely sighed and said, "Yes James?"

Ah, he would never get over the way she said his name, and how it made him feel. "I was wondering, if maybe you would go on the next Hogsmede trip with me? As—"

"No Potter." And there went their teetering relationship, spiraling back down into the unfair black hole that was all teenage relationships.

"Why no-ot?" he whined. And here was James Potter, back to making a fool of himself in front of the love of his life.

She looked slightly hysterical, and now that he thought about it, she did look troubled when she was walking before. Nice timing Padfoot. "Because!" she snapped. "I like someone else!"

"Who?" James and Sirius both asked at the same time. He had forgotten his friends presence, and wanted to die. He hated to be rejected yes, but it stung even worse when he had an audience. Well, at least there wasn't any name calling going on….yet.

"Snape."

The word hung in the air for a moment, until Sirius started to laugh. "Your_ joking _Evans! Who would date a slime ball like _Snivellus!?"_

Quite suddenly, Sirius was on the floor, coughing up butterflies, and Lily had stalked off, clutching her books to her chest with her head down. She was close enough that James heard a sniffle, but that was it.

"Smooth guys." Moony said, as he helped Sirius up.

If that was shocking enough, and for the marauders, there was nothing more shocking then a Gryffindor and a Slytherin in potential dating status, it actually happened the next day.

The story was all over the school, and James felt himself lost somewhere between murderous rage and a defeated depression. Lily had apparently went to Snape immediately fallowing James asking her out again, and confessed her feelings, fallowing in a—*gag/sob*-- snogging session.

So not only was James forced to watch a Slytherin and a Gryffindor flirt obnoxiously, in a way that no one knew Lily Evans was capable of, but it was his Soul Mate and his Enemy. Surely someone upstairs was having himself a good laugh.

Weeks passed, and James grew constantly more hopeful, yet worried. It all started when it began to be very obvious that Lily was either scared of, or not wanting her current relationship. She walked around with a small frown, or when she's in the company of her *dies* boyfriend, a forced smile.

Then one day, when Lily reached for her quill in the middle of Transfiguration, James noticed (of course he wasn't staring at her!) an angry purple bruise on her arm, the size and shape of your average thumb. At the time, it could have been written off as an accident, but then one appeared on her jaw line, her wrist, and maybe other places that clothing didn't reveal.

The Marauders watched the young Miss. Evans closely the days fallowing the announcement of James' observations. And yes, now he was stalking her, but it was for good reason. Had he not fallowed her to the library one Friday after classes, who knows what would have happened?

He was in the next row over from Lily when Snape walked in, looking furious. He heard a soft and timid "what's the matter love?" And then the Hideous git opened his mouth in a rush of insults.

"You little whore!" And that's all James really registered before he was around the corner. He froze, the sight before him replacing the air in his lungs with lead. Lily was lying on the ground, and angry bleeding wound on her temple, her gorgeous hair stained with it, her lip swelling rapidly, and an old bruise revealed on her collar bone.

The library had come to a ghostly silence, and Snape was just turning to face the crowd that had accumulated, James Potter standing in front, an all consuming rage coming over him as he pulled his arm back and let it snap forward. He hadn't been aiming, and his fist connected with the Son-of-a-Bitch's throat.

Snape made a gurgling noise of pain and sank to his knees. James kicked him in the gut before stepping over him and bending over Lily. With shaking hands, he checked her pulse, a little uneven, but still strong. He cupped her cheek just as her eyes opened.

"James?" she whispered, her eyelids were flickering like it was a struggle to keep them open, and she raised a hand to her head and gasped in pain a little.

"Careful Lils." James said quietly, using the name her friends called her by. Endearing and fitting for her. "I'm going to get you to the hospital wing."

Her hand dropped, now covered in her own blood, to the floor, and he, as gently as he could, slipped his arms under her to pick her up. Without acknowledging the crowd that parted silently for him, he went strait up to the Hospital Wing, hoping he had managed to murder that sick, perverse little—

"Oh my!" Madam Pomfrey gasped as James set Lily down softly on the closest cot. Trying his hardest not to cuss and kick things, he explained what happened, and was promptly kicked out after Poppy drew the curtains around Lily's bed.

So James wandered back to the opposite side of the floor to the common room, not knowing what else to do.

"Mandragora." He said lamely to the fat lady, all rage drained out of him after about five steps, along with any other emotion. He couldn't feel anything, except perhaps worry about Lily.

Someone smacked him playfully on the back of the head, three guesses who, and cried "Where ya been Prongs?"

But before he could even _try _to answer, the sharp, ringing voice sounded throughout the common room, causing the second room wide silences he experienced that day. "James Potter?" He looked over to the entrance to see who else but McGonagall looking right at him. "Come with me."

"I didn't do it!" Sirius said rather obnoxiously, earning him a deathly glare from James that communicated this was serious, and Sirius immediately sobered up. "I mean, don't be too hard on him,"

James sighed and fallowed the teacher out and silently the pair walked to her office, frequented many times by various combinations of the marauders. She pointed at a seat on the opposite side of her desk as she took hers, and once he had sat, she said, "Explain why I have two students suffering not from magical wounds, but wounds from plain old muggle dueling?"

James put his head in his hands for a minute, then started. "I was studying when I heard Snape screaming insults at Lily. I stood up to investigate and by the time I got there, Lily was o-on the g-ground." He took a steadying breath. "He beat her, so I beat him back for her. It was self defense," he said, "I didn't know if he was going to hit me, and quite frankly I just wanted to help Lily, and I didn't need his-his—" He cut off in anger.

McGonagall's face was white and grave. "How long has this been going on?" she asked.

"Pardon?"

"How long has been…abusing Miss. Evans?" she asked reluctantly, like it was bad to even speak of it.

"I noticed a few days ago…Professor." He said, hating it. "I should have reported my suspicions, but I wanted to be able to prove it I guess."

McGonagall was quiet for a few minutes, writing what he thought was a detention slip or worse, but then she looked up. "You may go Mr. Potter. But let us teachers deal with Mr Snape for now on. I believe Miss Evans is awake and asking for you."

:.:.:.:

"Thank you."

Those were the first words that she got out upon James' arrival before she started to cry. He didn't care at that point if she pushed him away, hexed him, or swore to cut off his genitalia with a spoon, he wanted to make her feel better, so he kneeled next to her bed and hugged her.

Many different sensations ran through him as she wildly wrapped her arms around him and sobbed in his shoulder. All the ones that mattered, like love, and surprise, and just pure joy in holding her in his arms for the first time. But with them came hate for Severus Snape, for putting her through such profound trauma that she didn't care who she sought comfort from. She had always swore up and down that the day she touched James in any sort of intimate way would be the day Hell froze over, melted, and froze again. And the best this year had done for that promise to herself was that maybe hell would have just frozen over, no melting.

Still, he held her until her crying turned to just sniffles, and her hold on him slackened, and then, to his regret, left all together.

He leaned back to observe her, and she was looking at something over his shoulder, he thought, until she said in a small, squeaky voice, "Oh, I've ruined your shirt."

He looked down at his left shoulder to see it was soaked with various bodily fluids. He merely shrugged. "I guess it's a good thing I own more then one shirt then." which earned him a shaky laugh and a less-then-half-hearted smile.

They were quiet for a few minutes.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"Why what?"

"Why did you defend me like that? Anyone else would have been scared to step in, and would have just waited for a teacher to help." She had a depressing shrunken look to her, that made him start to reach for her hand, then he thought better of it, and Lily watched as he drew his hand back.

He chose his words carefully, knowing she was already in a fragile state. "Well, maybe it's just the Gryffindor in me?" it was pathetic, and be couldn't make himself meet her eyes. "Okay, so you've known for years now, that I feel more for you then I have for anyone. At least, you know that's what I claim, and it's true, weather you believe it or not."

She was quiet for a few minutes, her bottom lip trembling, but she bit it to stop the vibrations while she closed her eyes.

Taking a deep breath to work up the courage, he reached out and took her hand. She didn't return the gesture, except for a small twitch that oriented their fingers in a slightly more comfortable position. It was encouraging to her that she didn't take her hand back.

After what felt like an eternity, her head rolled to her left so that it was facing James, and he could now see that she was asleep. He brought her hand up to his face slowly and kissed her fingers, before placing her arm next to her and standing to leave.


	2. Post Preposal Rejectional Disorder

When Lily woke, she found herself alone and usually it wouldn't bother her, if it weren't for the fact that Severus was sleeping mere feet away from her. On the opposite end of the ward of course, and she was positive they had done _something _to prevent him from harming her again. Just the thought made her cringe, and her eyes to prickle painfully from holding back unshed tears.

Then it occurred to her that she had no clue why he was in the hospital wing with her to begin with. All she knew was that he was, and that it was late and everyone was sleeping but her.

Or, what if _he _was awake too?

She rolled over so that she was facing away from his bed to the hospital doors. She knew she wouldn't sleep that night, and she felt she wanted to be with someone, anyone really. It was going to be a long, restless night.

Three in the morning, and he still couldn't sleep. One could think it was Sirius, who talks in his sleep, with the occasional bark if his dreams lead him to his dog form. Or perhaps it was Peter's snores that could wake the dead…. But no, he was too worked up for sleep, and as the full moon was tomorrow night, or, err, _to_night, he really needed at least a couple hours snooze time.

So he stood up and stretched, then began to fumble around in the dark for his school bag containing his invisibility cloak, in the process tripping over something that seemed like underwear, and smacking Remus in the side of the head.

"Wha--!?" he sat up quickly, his voice sleepy but he was alert.

James held back a laugh in fear of waking Sirius and really putting his life on the line. No one, _no _one, wakes up Sirius Black, who would probably slap even Voldemort across the face. "Sorry Moony, tripped." He whispered, finally finding the handle of his bag and sticking his arm in it, pulling out the famous Peverell heirloom.

"Where are you going?" a voice from across the room asked timidly. Great, he woke Pete up too, bloody hell. He was never going to get rid of Mister Tag-Along now. "I want to come." No.

"I'm just going to grab something. I'll be back in five minutes."

"Can I come?" Poor Pete, thinking he's being left out of something. He really needs to get over his self-esteem issues. If he hadn't been worried he had woke up Frank too, he would have just told them where he was going. But they would either want to know why, and he couldn't risk talking about Moony's condition out loud, or they would immediately think he was going to spy on Lily, which he _really _didn't want to talk about.

Remus, who had flopped back down to his mattress mumbled something into his pillow that sounded like 'Go back to sleep Pete,' but sounded like 'Oh at eep eat'.

In any case, James got out of the cloak and left the boys dormitories, knowing Pete wouldn't fallow without being under the cloak as well. He hated getting detentions.

One of James' favorite pastimes was wandering the halls in the middle of night. It was nice to see it without all the students running through it, making it loud and cramped. There was a kind of peacefulness that settled over the school at night, and as long as you weren't in close proximity to a teacher, or worse Filch, it helped you calm down a bit, think clearer.

Because he was already on the same floor as the Hospital Wing, it hadn't taken long to get there, and slowly, so he didn't wake Lily up, he opened the door and slipped through it when it was just wide enough for him to fit through.

There was the noise of bed springs creaking, and he looked to his right to see Lily suddenly sitting up, her eyes wide. "Who's there?" she asked suspiciously, only allowing the littlest amount of fear into her voice.

"Relax Evans," James whispered slowly, pulling the cloak off so she could see him. "It's just me."

"Oh, James," she breathed in a sigh of relief. It was still taking him some time to get over the almost but not quite friendship thing they had going on, so it was a little shocking to hear her say his name in an un-threatening or hateful way. And then he started thinking of other situations in which she would say those two words, and he had to shake his head slightly.

"What are you doing here? It's nearly three thirty?" she asked suspiciously.

"Well, me and Sirius ran out of drugs so we decided that it might be cool to try out some of these potions Pomfrey has stored up in here, see what happens…." He trailed off in hushed laughter at the look on her face. "Come on Evans, do I really seem like a druggy? Sirius on the other hand…." He snickered and trailed off, continuing to the potions cabinet.

"So what _are _you looking for then?" She asked accusingly.

"Ah Ha!" he cried, pulling out the purple vial that was his sanctuary for the next six hours. Good thing it was a Saturday. "Dreamless Sleep Potion."

"What for?"

"To keep me awake." He said sarcastically, bending to pick up the cloak where he had left it. "Which leads me to, why are you awake Evans?"

Even from his position of ten feet away in the dark, he could see her blush. "I woke up an hour ago, and I just couldn't….sleep." her words were interrupted by a long, exhausted sounding yawn that made him feel for her. It wasn't the brightest idea to keep Snape in the same room as her by themselves, even if he was behind curtains that were enchanted for the time being.

"Here." He said, holding out the potion for her to take. "You have it, you need it more then I do."

"Oh no, I couldn't…" she said, thought she sounded like she wanted it. "Besides, you haven't even slept at all tonight have you?"

"How could you tell?"

"I've never seen you look so tired." She answered simply. Silly him, looking farther into things then necessary, but to him, the simple fact that she had looked at him long enough to notice that, in the _dark _made him feel a flying sensation.

"Be that as he may," he said slowly, "You're…recovering, and I want you to get some sleep. I'm sure there's some more in there." In fact there wasn't. The vial that he was holding in his hand had been hard to find and the only one in there.

He handed it to her, and it took her a full minute to accept it with a small sigh that sounded like it expected something good that hadn't arrived yet. Then she looked at him questioningly. "Jeez Evans, don't make me force feed you," he said exasperatedly.

Obviously she didn't want that, so she downed it in one swig, and laid back against her pillow. "Now go get yours." She mumbled, her words starting to slur.

"Cant."

"Why not?" she protested. "You need…sleep."

"That was the last one. I'll be fine."

"Ja….ames." her voice was faint, and he knew she would be out in a few seconds.

In a soft voice he whispered "Sweet dreams Lils."

"'Night…James."

The fallowing morning, after achieving only another hour of sleep, James went to the Hospital Wing (after having checked that Lily was gone and having girl time in her dormitory) and begged Madam Pomfrey for a pepper-up potion.

For the rest of the day he avoided anything that might bring him in contact with Lily. He wasn't sure why, and he told himself it was because he did want to explain to her why he had given her the last dreamless sleep, but it was much more then that, and he couldn't explain it to himself.

It was easier to avoid her then he thought, them both being heads. James told Alice, who told Mary, who then proceeded to deliver the message to Lily that he would cover all her duties until she was feeling up to it. He knew she would have helped anyway, and he suspected that her friends had stepped in.

But maybe it was fate, or something else, but somehow they had _both _been late to breakfast on Monday, and not wanting to look like complete idiots and sitting by themselves, they sat next to each other, eating in silence that was absolutely killing him.

Lily hadn't met his gaze when he greeted her with a full mouthed 'morning,' but did go on to tell him he was a pig. Ah, she was back.

He was almost done when she finally said something. "I'm not sure, I mean….did you really give me the last potion?" she asked timidly, playing with the remainder of her eggs, and his stomach knotted with nerves.

"Well…yeah." He said lamely, and she looked up at him. "But in my defense—" he started, before she leaned forward and kissed him swiftly on the cheek.

"Thanks." She muttered, her face turning bright red. Then she grabbed her school bag off the ground, leaving James to rub his cheek which was tingling and burning at the same time, and stare after her in shock.

He had _kissed _him!

Had he known that that was the beginning of a new chapter in his life, he might have thrown a party, or told Sirius. Maybe jump onto the table and do a victory dance. But being careful not to let himself hope too much, he started to revisit all his old, tucked away schemes to get Lily Evans to go out with him.

She, Lily Evans, had _kissed _James Potter. !!!!!!!!

**.: June of 1977 :.**

His world had come spiraling down in mere minutes. She had left him on the school grounds, and he was too frozen in shock to go after her, like he should have. To explain that they didn't have to make this commitment if that was what she was scared of. Or maybe there was that other reason….

Just the thought made him want to destroy things, but as he shuffled into the boy's dormitory and collapsed on his bed he realized that because he hadn't sought an explanation from her, he had probably ruined everything.

He was in the same position he had fallen into, face down into a pillow, when Sirius found him.

"Oi! Get up you great lump, Moony's getting the decorations ready for the party now, and we cant keep everyone out of the common room for long…" he trail off when James was unresponsive.

James, who had forgotten all about the frivolous party they had spent weeks planning, only buried his face into his pillow deeper. Maybe he would suffocate and Lily would realize….no. He had never been a masochist and he wasn't about to start now.

"What happened?" Sirius wasn't as stupid and imperceptive as a lot of people thought he was. And he was far from heartless. He knew there was something wrong. But James just ignored him, and concentrated on trying to breathe through the molecular holes available through his pillow. It was easier then remembering.

:.:.:.: "What's wrong with him?"

"Shut up Wormy, you're being extremely oblivious."

"But what's _wrong!?" _If they thought that he couldn't hear them over the noise of the train moving over the earth, they were wrong. But he didn't really care.

"We're not sure." Moony muttered.

"Can I have a word?" the sound of Alice Brennan's trilling voice said after the compartment door had opened. James just retreated farter into his corner and kept his eyes closed, keeping the façade that he was asleep.

Sirius, who knew how to tell when James was really sleeping or not, just sighed, "He's sleeping Brennan, what is it?"

She was quiet for a couple seconds, as if she was choosing her words carefully. "Do you know what's wrong with him?" assuming that the other three in the compartment had shoot their heads, she went on. "Well, I think I do. What our dear Mr. Potter has is PPRD."

"What?" Remus asked, as Peter muttered "huh?" and Sirius snapped "English woman!"

"Post Proposal Rejectional Depression."

"Is rejectional a word?" Remus mused.

"_Proposal!?" _Sirius whisper yelled, because of course they couldn't wake James. Stupid git. Would have been so bad to have just taken this conversation elsewhere, so that he didn't have to listen to them talking about him like a late night special?

"It's common in many men. Lily just came into the dorm last night babbling like an idiot about James, a ring and, how she said no. So I can only assume that he proposed and the stupid little girl said no." Alice explained in a very fast pace that made his head hurt.

Sirius made a noise that sounded like a cross between a gasp and a snort, "How could she say no? That's complete idiocy!?"

"That's what I said. Well, to get to the moral of the story, Lily's holed up in the Heads compartment and won't let anyone in. I guess its good she stopped crying finally this morning, but still…" She trailed off. "I wanted to see how James was handling it."

"He wouldn't take his face out of his pillow last night, and Moony had to pack for him." Sirius said idly. "But don't worry, they'll make up. They always do."

:.:.:.:

Mr. and Mrs. Harold Potter knew something was wrong the moment James had apparated home. When asked if he would miss school, did he have a nice term, the works, he merely replied in single syllables, then asked if he could be excused. So they were extremely apprehensive in leaving for a business party, but they just couldn't miss it.

James was watching figures in blue and silver robes fly about above his head on a poster while laying on his bed, arms tucked behind his head, when he heard the front door close and the muffled pop of apparation from the front lawn.

Once a fraction of the pain had subsided, he knew he had to do something to get her back. He would gladly never get married to her if he could only have her back in his life. He needed her, and would never get by without.

It was when he was looking for a quill that he stumbled upon a bottle of fire whisky he and Sirius had hidden in the secret compartment in his side table drawer. One little sip couldn't hurt….right?

"He said, I should never forget the day, when Odo died! His wand was a broken and something, something, oh forget it. No ones even listening." James slurred to his reflection, the only company he could find.

"Why wont you listen? Stop mocking me!" He yelled standing up, angry at the other person for doing everything he did. He drew his right fist back and broke the mirror, glass shattering at his feet. He was breathing heavily as he took another swig of his third bottle of fire whisky. He stumbled out into the hallway managing to break five vases, and step on the cat's tail. Pickin gup his wand, he tried to repair a broken antique vase that his mother was in love with. . "R-r-r-r-repairio vasio!" He cried stupidly, causing the books to fly off a nearby book shelf.

Five minutes later he found his two-way mirror. He picked it up and tried to remember how it worked. "Oh yeah! Sirius uh…Sirius uh…Black!!!!" He cried. Sirius' face swam into view. "Ha! Your last names black!!! Why isn't it pink, Lady Sirius? Sirius Pink! Hahahah!" He yelled.

"James should I come over?" The reflection asked, sounding conserned, but never-the-less, amused.

"My name is OOOOOOOODDDOO!!" He yelled. "I take that as a yes, be right over."

"Yeah! We got fire whisky!!!" James yelled, waving the bottle then taking another gulp.

"Sorry I ever got it for you."

A moment later, Sirius was stepping through the front door to find James slumped over the bottom four steps of the grand staircase, taking a long drink of fire whisky.

"Merlin Prongs, I'm surprised you havnt pissed yourself yet," Sirius muttered, taking the bottle from him.

"Hey! Give it back Sirius Red!" James cried stupidly. "Or I'll…Or I'll…" James scratched his cheek. "I'll hit you with this bottle!" James cried raising his right hand and swinging the bottle that wasn't there anymore.

Sirius sighed and sat next to his best mate."Listen James; you gotta stop drinking. Lily's hurting too you know, and killing yourself with excessive drinking isn't going to help one bit."

James dropped his wand to his side and he fell backwards on the couch. "She left me Pink!" He cried, a big fat tear streaming down his face. At that moment the door swung open to reveal a laughing Mr. And Mrs. Potter.

The jovial sound ended abruptly when they got a glance at their son. Drunk and glassy-eyed.

"What the—James?" Mrs. Potter asked in shock. "What happened Sirius?"

"Well, he got drunk mum, to state the plainly obvious."

"But _why? _What is wrong with our son?" Harold demanded, pulling out his wand.

"Oh, he proposed to Lily, she said no and ran off crying, havnt spoken to each other since." Padfoot sighed just as Harold cast a sobering charm on his son. "Bloody idiots, the both of them."

"Oh shut it." James murmured, rubbing his temples. "Bloody Hell dad, at least let me pass out first."

"What were you doing getting drunk? Where did you get alcohol?" he asked, picking up the empty bottle from the spot it had rolled to when James had dropped it. Sirius raised a hand slightly, "I don't think where he got it is relevant here, lets focus on the why."

"Sirius, I would hate to think you gave it to him."

"Me? Never." Sirius smiled, while Mrs. Potter moved to sit beside James.

"Do you want to talk about it sweetheart?"

"No. I'm going to bed. Thanks for making sure I didn't kill myself Pads." James muttered, turing to walk u te stairs."Hey, what are friends for?"

:.:.:.:

"Hello Mrs. Evans. Is Lily available?"

"Who are you?"

"Sirius Black ma'am."

"I've heard about you," the elder woman said in a slightly humorous tone. "Yes, young Potter's best friend I believe?"

"The very one," Sirius said, smiling his winning smile.

"And I would assume that's who you're here to talk to Lily about," Mrs. Evans said, receiving a nod. "Yes fallow me; she's in the sitting room."

"Hey Evans!" Sirius exclaimed when he saw the familiar redhead turn to see who had entered the room.

She looked surprised, and a little angry to see him. "What do you want Sirius?" she was undeniably depressed. It was evident that she was in desperate need of a hug just from her tone of voice.

"To tell you your being stupid." He snapped. She needed to come to terms with reality, and fast before James did something _really _stupid.

"No, I'm being practical."

"You don't need to get married right _now!"_ he countered. "James, being the incredibly, overbearingly sentimental freak he is, just wanted to know that you felt the same about him that he did about you."

She was silent for a minute, before she sniffled. "I miss him Sirius. But I don't think I can face him after I ran off like that…."

"Well, you better get around to it soon, before he jumps off a roof, or god forbid, joins a cult."

Lily snorted, then paused. "What?"

"He got smashed drunk last night, and called me Sirius _Pink _and changed his name to Odo."

"Ah." She said, clearly trying to stay composed, then she just started to _sob. _Sirius had never dealt with a crying girl, as he had never stuck around to witness it, and he had no clue what to do. "I'm too y-young to get m-m-married! W-what if it doesn't w-work? What If I leave h-him in three y-years or he leaves m-m-me?" she cried.

Sirius stood. When girls started to cry, it was his cue to leave, and for the mother hovering just out of sight to step in, "You know what's going on in our world Lily. What if you don't have three years?" And then he left.

Lily looked up to watch him leave, in shock. What he said had some truth to it. No a days, there were two or three deaths a week. Her mother entered the room, and gave her daughter a hug.

"Mum!" she wailed into her shoulder. "I'm scared!"

"Do you love him honey?" Mrs. Evans asked softly.

Lily stopped crying abruptly while she considered it. "Yeah," she admitted.

"Then what are you waiting for silly? If it doesn't work out, it doesn't. But I think that you two will do just fine."

At that moment there were three sharp knocks at the front door, and Lily heard her fater move from the room opposite theirs to answer it.

"Yes?"

"Avada Kedavra!"


	3. Hostage

Everything happened so fast; Lily couldn't even process anything but the sight of her beloved parents dead on the floor. Eyes still wide open, her fathers dead face was one of polite confusion, as he hadn't the time to register that he was being killed. Her mothers face however, was mingled with terror and grief, and Lily couldn't get the sights out of her head, even as she was staring at the tip of a wand belonging to a man in black robes and a mask.

She heard the spell, but felt…nothing.

:.:.:.:

James woke up with a throbbing headache. Two days after his Fire Whisky Fiasco, as his mum liked to refer to it, and he still couldn't leave his room. His legs felt heavy, like lead, and his eyes always rejected the light with a stinging pain. He always felt on the verge of tears, and his throat extremely parched.

You could say he had lost the will to live, but that wasn't exactly right. He had lost the will to live without Lily. Once he had a taste of what he could've had with her, everything else was pointless. If it weren't for Remus, and Sirius, Peter and his parents, he probably would have disappeared from the country to live as a monk in a secluded area of Guatemala, eating salamanders and drinking panther blood.

From downstairs the sound of a door slamming, hurried steps, and his mother calling for his father drifted up. It would have alarmed him if they hadn't been regular sounds in his house. Someone had come to call, or was in the fire, with news of another attack, in which case his parents would leave, come back hours later, and sit in the sitting room with cups of fire whisky before retreating to their bedroom.

He rolled over and pressed his face into his pillow, breathing deeply to stifle a panic attack that was coming over him for the millionth time that day. He felt oddly frantic and jumpy, and at times would start to hyperventilate.

He had lost track of time, and eventually he was breathing somewhat normally again. Flipping back over onto his back, he heard the sounds of someone walking up the stairs, then towards his bedroom door. It was likely it was his mother coming up with food, trying to get him to eat. Then he realized it was two sets of footsteps. He was in for a telling off. But nothing they could say to him was going to make him feel better. Chances were, he would feel worse.

"James?" he heard his mothers voice call timidly, as she opened the door. James looked up at her, and she looked terrified.

He didn't want to be a stranger to his own parents, or make them feel scared of him. So he sat up, and said in the most normal voice he could muster, "What's up mum?"

She looked on the brink of tears. "Oh James! I'm so very sorry!" And she ran over to embrace James, who, very confused, met his fathers gaze. He found no answers, as his dad instantly looked away, like he didn't know what to say.

"What's wrong mum?" James asked, now genuinely interested in what they had come in to tell him. It was obviously not an attempt to make him feel better.

Pulling away and wiping her wet eyes. "I can't believe I have to be the one to tell you this." There was a long silence. Then she took a deep breath. "The bodies of two muggles were found in Surry. Oh…"

"I don't understand," James said carefully. Were they relatives of theirs? They never talked to any of their family, most of the direct family being dead. Besides, they were purebloods. The chances of being related, even distantly, to muggles were slim.

"They went by the names of-- of Anne and John Evans."

"Evans." James repeated in a dead voice. His brain refused to comprehend what that meant. His ears seemed to fill with cotton, the room was spinning, and he felt very, very sick. No, it was not what he thought it was.

His mother nodded, sniffled and took James' hand. "There's no trace of Lily. Anywhere."

:.:.:.:

She saw the stone floor, but she couldn't feel it. She had waken up hours ago shivering, but now she was numb, and it was impossible to feel anything

She couldn't move either. She had wrapped her arms around her knees and leaned against the wall, and knew her muscles must be cramped, but couldn't bring herself to stretch.

For hours, and hours, she sat like that, just waiting for something to happen, for her to be killed, or tortured or both. It seemed as though her brain had numbed with her body, and she couldn't think, just stare at the opposite wall trying to get the only thing she could think of out of her head. Her parents were dead, James was depressed because of her, and both were her fault. It was like a chant, running through her head over and over, driving her insane.

It was how they found her. Rocking back and forth, mumbling.

"Master, she seems to be hallucinating." A sleek voice said from somewhere.

"No matter, no matter." Cold and dangerous, the voice promised pain. Lily stopped rocking, frozen with fear. "That makes it much easier to get what we want."

Lily opened her eyes and raised her head slowly, meeting the amused gaze of Lord Voldemort. "I won't tell you anything." She said, her voice quiet and rough from not using it in an unknown amount of time.

There were a few errant chuckles around the room, as Voldemort walked closer to Lily. She didn't flinch. "Ah my dear, that is where you are wrong. You see…we have your beloved James, and unless you tell me what I want, His fate will be much, much worse then yours. _Crucio!"_

The curse only added to the agony of hearing the news. They had James as well, and would be dead soon if she did not give him what he wanted. The pain coursing through her body seemed to echo the pain her soul felt, at having never making amends with James, at causing certain death for him, and because she had never told him really how truly she loved him.

The curse was lifted after what felt like an eternity. She recoiled into a ball, all her desire to live draining out of her. She had nothing left, nothing at all.

"Now tell me…where are the Headquarters to the Order of the Phoenix located?"

:.:.:.:

The investigation, to James' utter horror and deepest sorrow, was not at the top of the list of priorities, however hard his parents tried. Looking for one witch was nothing compared to, say, ten dead a few miles outside London with five muggles held captive.

So alone he joined the small task force, which consisted of him, his parents, Sirius, and an old confused Auror by the name of Alexander Ludwig. Together they looked for anything that could lead them to Voldemorts current whereabouts. James rarely spoke. The only noises he ever made were grunts of consent, or great heaving sighs that were normally accompanied by unshed tears.

Until, two days after Lily's disappearance and they were all starting to lose hope, there was a surprise knock to the Potter's front door during dinner time, where James was still pouring over reports and maps, three day's worth of five o'clock shadow on his jaw.

"Albus?" he heard his mother say in a politely shocked tone, and he turned to see that it was indeed his old headmaster standing in their doorway. "To what do we owe this surprise visit?"

"I have come to offer my assistance to the grave task at hand," he said in a sorrowful tone, his head tilting downwards, and his eyes surveying James' through look of deepening depression and loss.

As Mr. and Mrs. Potter hurried Dumbledore into the house, glancing at the front yard and shutting the door hurriedly, James felt a small, echo of hope. With Dumbledore on his side, surely that was good?

Accepting the small glass of gin with a quiet "Thank you," he sat at the table across from James, the other two fallowing suit.

"Tell me James, what do you know of the Order of the Phoenix?"

:.:.:.:.:

She would have been curious about this thing he kept shouting about, had she not be in the position of being tortured every few seconds. She lost count after five.

Voldemort gave a cry of frustration as she denied knowing anything about a Phoenix organization or whatever for the fifth time, and instead turned his wand on her once more, demanding "Tell me where the Potter's live then, so I can finish off the Blood Traitor's parents once I'm through with him."

"No…" she moaned, lying on her stomach, mouth full of the rustic taste of blood. "Don't…know." She said weekly, knowing she was on the verge of passing out, and losing consciousness.

There was silence for a very long minute. "Very well, if you insist on denying the information I require, I shall move onto Potter then. He dies because of your incompetence." And with that he swept from the room.

"No!" she cried, raising her head with what little energy she had left, meeting the gaze of five, happily glaring Death Eaters as they swept from the room. "No. No no no no no…" she moaned to herself as she finally fell into the dark abyss that was unconsciousness.

:.:.:.:.:

"I am forming this organization, and I find it a very good sign that not a word of it has yet leaked into the public. It means that those I have recruited are trustworthy, and I cannot afford to let Voldemort receive even an inkling of what we are planning and doing." Those ice blue eyes seemed to X-ray James' face, and he couldn't look at them for more then a second or two, it was too uncomfortable.

"We've already taking this matter into our own hands, and I believe that combining the information the Order has acquired, and what you have found could point us in the right direction.

James nodded. "Whatever it takes. I'll do whatever." He swore.

Dumbledore stood. "Very well, we will leave now. I will not ask you to join us just yet. It is a big decision to make and you are in no state to commit yourself to something like this."

He pulled out three pieces of paper and handed them to each of the weary Potters.

_Headquarters to the Order of the Phoenix can be found at number 7 Royal Place._

It was written in Dumbledore's own handwriting. "As I am safe keeper, only I can tell you the exact whereabouts. Memorize it, and then burn it. We do not want enemy eyes upon that information. I will see you there." And he disapparated.

Both parents laid a consoling hand on their son's shoulders, threw the papers into the burning fire, and disapparated also. Sighing, James vanished all the work spread upon the table, burned his paper also, and fallowed his parents.

He was still not used to the sensation of apparating, and it would have been uncomfortable to him, had he still contained the ability to feel anything but agonizing grief. There was no more room for him to feel anything else.

And so, joined by thirteen others, they set back to work, corroborating and putting their ideas into facts. Finally, four exhausting hours later, Dumbledore looked up from the map he was examining and let out a small, quiet, yet satisfied sigh. "Yes, I do believe it is time to call upon more members of the Order. We have found our location."

:.:.:.:

Distant shouts woke her, yet she couldn't make sense of them. Her body ached all over, and the strange flashes of color reflected through the small window in her small prison only disoriented her. She knew that, for the sake of managing to stay alive, she needed to stay awake. But it was too much effort, and she rolled back over and closed her eyes, her weakness and pain, both emotional and physical, was too much for anyone to bear.

:.:.:.:

"Stupefy!" James cried, overcome with rage and frantic worrying. Why had no one found Lily yet? Was she even here? It seemed that this was the place to be if you were an evil minion of Voldemort, yet no Voldemort and no Lily. Could the absence of both mean….

But no, he couldn't think like that. He just had to get through as many Death Eaters as he could, search every room and nook and cranny, until he found her. He had to find her.

"Looking for something Potter?" someone taunted, in a mock-babyish tone. He turned to face none other then Bellatrix Lestrange, a face he had not seen since the attack on Hogsmede.

"WHERE IS SHE!?" James yelled, advancing on her, but someone knocked him out of the way.

"Look for Lily James!" Sirius yelled over his shoulder as he started dueling his cousin. Torn between helping Sirius, and doing as he said, he made an odd jerking movement with his body, just as a bright purple spell soared over his left shoulder where his head had been half a second before.

He turned to see a masked Death Eater pointing his or her wand at James and firing another curse as him. Whether deadly or not, he did not know, but he was not going to stick around to find out. "Protego!" he cried, the shield blocking the spell and causing it to bounce back and shatter a wall on the far end of the vast room they were all fighting in.

He was slightly shocked to see it revealed another room, small by the looks of it, with a single window in it, the moonlight seeping through, illuminating a small sliver of something red.

He was sprinting through the mass of spells, which all seemed to be directed at him now, not really thinking anything through. As he got closer, the dark shape of a human body came into view. A human with red hair, and it was enough to convince him that he had found what he came in search for.

Yet his heart still seemed to be shattering. Not only, he realized as he got feet away, was it Lily, but it was Lily covered in dirt and blood, unmoving. She wasn't moving, and he couldn't seem to comprehend it.

He was only just inside the room when his body froze, and he fell forward. The impact with the ground hurt, but not as much as being unable to help her when he was so close.

A cold laugh reached his ears, and a Death Eater wearing a mask came to stand over him. The long blonde hair protruding from beneath, however, indicated that it was none other then Lucius Malfoy.

"Pity you weren't able to save your mudblood girlfriends life. All this will seem quite pointless now wont it?" he asked, with a tone that showed he was enjoying it all thoroughly. He turned his wand on Lily, and said very slowly, and deliberately, _"Avada Ked-"_

He was suddenly knocked off his feet and James' jinx was lifted. Standing up, he heard Mad Eye cry across the room, "Grab her Potter! Let's get out of here!"

Sprinting as fast as he ever had, James ran the last few feet towards Lily, scooped her up, and turned to apparate without thinking twice.

:.:.:.:

In the brightly lit room that was a guest bedroom converted into a makeshift infirmary, his heart broke every time he had the guts to look at her. A woman he had never met before had set to work on Lily the minute James had turned up, and she had mended thirteen broken bones, and cleaned her up a bit.

However, devoid of dirt and bones bent at odd angles, she still looked terrible. Her face was contorted in what looked like permanent agony, and her face was sunken in and pale, nothing resembling the laughing face he had always loved.

It was obvious she had been tortured, repeatedly, and they all feared the Lily that would meet them when she finally awoke.

:.:.:.:

The light was so bright behind her eyelids, that it had creeped into her awareness and gave her a sharp headache. Her body didn't hurt so much anymore, actually she was pretty comfortable; as it felt she was laying on a soft feather bed.

It didn't make sense to her, how Death Eaters could be so accommodating. She doubted they often tortured their hostages, and then provided them with comfort and healing sources. However, she could feel that her arm was no longer broken from when someone had deliberately stepped on it, nor was her nose, which had broken as she fell to the floor once.

She was starving, and her muscles ached from being in that tight ball she had laid in for hours upon hours in that old, deserted castle dungeon. At least, that's what she thought it had been. Everything had certainly been made of stone.

She was scared, terrified, to open her eyes. Maybe this was like death row for Muggles. They get whatever kind of meal they wanted before they were executed. Now the death eaters were making her comfortable, and healthy, so her death would be just that much worse.

Sucking in a breath and mustering all the Gryffindor courage she could find, she opened her eyes (which took much more effort then necessary), and almost cried at what she saw.

Her head had tilted to her left in sleep, and the first sight that met her eyes was none other then James Potter.

She was over joyed; there were no words to describe how she felt, to know that he was still alive.

Then she realized that maybe they were going to kill her in the worst way possible. They were going to _make_ her watch him die.

And she started to cry.  
The troubled slumber James had been in, meanwhile, had been interrupted by an odd rasping sound, like someone who wasn't getting enough breath. He couldn't remember, for a few seconds, why he felt so horrible, or where he was. But then, when it all came back to him, his eyes snapped open to find green ones returning his gaze.

"Lily!" he cried in mingled surprise and overbearing joy. He was instantly up and over to her bedside, when he realized that the odd rasping noise was her attempt at crying. He could have cried with her in relief.

"James," she said, her voice soft and weak, but obviously laden with despair. He couldn't figure out why she looked and sound heart broken and guilty. "James, what are they going to do to us?" she asked franticly, reaching towards him, then seeming to think twice, and dropping her hand back to her bed.

He couldn't comprehend what she meant. "Do to us? Who? Lily, love, what do you mean?"

"The D-d-death Eaters." She said in a shaky voice. "What's happening? Where are we?" She seemed frantic and scared.

He took one hand in both of his. They were ice cold. "We're safe Lily; we're at Headquarters to the Order of the Phoenix. We healed you, and you've been resting." He was trying to refrain from trying to snog her senseless, or at the very least, hug her and never let go.

However, it seemed they were both on the page somewhat. Her eyes were calculating, and then comprehending, when she suddenly flung her arms around his neck, making it necessary for him to bend over her more.

She seemed to be sobbing, from what he felt and heard. "Oh James, James…. He was going to kill you, and I--I c-couldn't tell--my f-f-fault—and—and…" her words were indiscernible now, and he couldn't make sense of the ones he had caught, except that someone was going to kill him. At that point in time, he could've cared less. He had Lily back in his arms again.

"Oh, Lily," He cried, hugging her back once getting over his initial shock. "Nothing is your fault, nothing. We're all just glad you're safe. I'm so…" he didn't even know how to describe how he felt. Kissing the top of her head, he let her cry into his shoulder for a while.

Finally, an immeasurable amount of time later, she pulled away and looked him in the eyes. "I never really t-told you," she said quietly, her voice still hoarse and she sniffed before she went on, "I really, truly love you, and I cant l-live without you."

The only thing he could think of as a response to that was to hold her tighter and whisper into her ear, "I love you too."

That night they fell asleep together, Lily with her arm across James' chest and her other hand holding one of his. It was the most peaceful sleep either of them had ever had.


	4. Somethings Unwanted

Lily woke to find her face in James' chest, with his arms wrapped around her protectively. She instinctively snuggled closer to him, and in his sleep, his arms encircled her even tighter.

Sighing deeply, she felt unusually safe with him, despite all that had happened to her the days preceding this one. Less then twenty four hours ago, she had been captive of the most feared wizard in the world.

The events leading to her state of Hostage-ness came back to her in a whirl-wind and, gripping James' tee shirt, she squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to keep back the tears, and the memories.

It was a pointless effort, and soon she was sobbing into her chest, unable to get the images out of her head. And now she had no more family but Petunia, who probably hated her now more then ever. She was completely alone now.

Her crying had obviously woken James, and he said nothing for a while, just stroking her hair, kissing her cheek, and eventually the flow of tears exhausted itself. It took Lily a while to muster the courage to look him in the face now, as she knew hers was grief-ridden and puffy.

He gently wiped the tears from her face and kissed her forehead. The action was so sweet and caring, that she wanted to cry all over again. After what she had put him through, he still wanted to be with her, she knew, she could see it in his eyes.

"Bad dream?" he asked her quietly.

She shook her head, and tried her best to keep her voice even. "I slept…wonderfully," the word fell awkwardly from her tongue. This was not the kind of situation one would use the word 'wonderful.' "But I woke up and I remembered…I r-remembered their faces—my parents on the g-ground and…" she broke off into renewed cries of despair, and was beyond noticing anything he did to try and help.

"I'm alone." She whispered an immeasurable amount of time later. "My parents are…gone. Pet-tunia hates me. Who've I got?"

He looked her steadily in the eyes, and then said quietly, "You have me. You always have, and always will."

The rest of the day was uneventful. Only one person came in the room, which she now knew to be a guest room in some guy called Diggle's house, and she came in to check over Lily, and left without saying more then a few words.

She suspected James had something to do with the lack of visitors, because Lily knew that Alice and Mary and Alyssa had to be itching to see her. But she was happy not to have to look into the pitying faces of her friends and peers, because that would make everything so much worse.

Over the course of the day, which was uneventful and consisted of a lot of sleeping, her preconceived notion that James still cared for her was slowly slipping down the drain. He was there, yes, and his promise when she woke up had seemed genuine and pure, but all he had done was hug her, and occasionally kiss the top of her head.

She knew that one of the best things to get her mind off anything was a good snogging session, but she couldn't bring herself to try, because what if he had meant he would always be there for her, as a friend? Just the idea was painful for her.

Yes he had come for her in that horrible place, but so had Sirius and he wasn't in love with her right? All the other members of this odd society, the reason she had been taken captive in the first place, they had come for her too.

So why then, should James be any different? She had broken his heart the night she had rejected his proposal, (Could it have only been a week ago?) she was sure of it. How could he want to put himself in a position for that potential again? How could he ever forgive her?

A couple tears leaked out over her eyes. She was so vulnerable to crying at the moment, that he probably wouldn't have noticed the change. But stupid her for looking at him, and he knew this had nothing to do with her parents, or any other traumatic experience she'd had in the past three days.

"What's wrong Lils?" he asked her.

"You know," she mumbled, in a terrible attempt to make him think nothing had really changed.

"Something's different," he said in a knowing voice, and his hand brushed the hair back from her face. "Please tell me Lils, I want to help."

She merely hugged him in a desperate attempt to stop the conversation, but she knew he wouldn't drop it. He would bring it up in the nicest way possible, when he thought she was ready to discuss it.

So she took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes. "Did you really mean it?"

He looked confused for a few seconds, and then she saw recognition flash in his eyes. "Of course I did." He said softly. "Is that what this is all about? I wouldn't lie to you." He was so sincere that she almost cried out of relief.

But crying was going to get her no where, she realized, and she needed to get over her little dilemma, and pull herself out of this depression. So what she did was sigh a little happily. The sound was still pathetic, but she felt a great pressure come off her chest, and she knew she could get over this. Maybe not right away, but as long as she was sure of James, she could make it.

He noticed the change in her, as she knew he would. "You should probably eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten in days Lily." He said softly.

She knew this was true, but she really truly didn't feel hungry. "I don't think I could hold anything down," she lied. She hated lying to him, but he would never stop bothering her about it. Faking nausea wasn't that bad.

"You have to eat at some point."

"I know," she said slowly, knowing if it came to the point where she was on the brink of starving to death, he would shove food down her throat. "But I feel fine right now."

He looked like he wanted to press the matter, but also wanted to be careful with her in her delicate state.

___Delicate state,_ a voice inside her head sneered, _where's that bravery? The fieriness that you're so famous for? _

Lily couldn't bear to hear her smarter side sneering at her, the side that had been stifled by the temporary insanity handed over by repeated torture curses. This weak, crying side was not a side of Lily Evans many saw, in fact, she usually managed to cover up her weak, sniveling side, and finally, she was fighting back.

But did she want to?

If James changed his mind, once she was back to normal and no longer pitiable, would he realize that maybe she had rejected him one too many times, and in the worse way? What if he realized that he deserved better then a manipulative woman like her?

___Get over yourself._

Her commonsense told her that James had meant what he said, he never lied. And Lily knew that either way she went, James wouldn't ever get over her.

Sitting up in bed, blood pumping with new resolve, she said, "On second thought… a sandwich sounds good."

She wasn't over what happened to her yet, not by far. There was still some time for mourning, time to recoup. But that didn't mean she had to be hiding behind James. She was independent, and no matter how much she needed James in her life, she knew she could take care of herself if necessary.

She swung her legs over the bed to leave the room, but James grabbed her arm. "Lily, you're still healing." If he was confused about her sudden change of mind, he didn't show it, he was only wearing an expression of exasperated relief. "Let me get it for you."

Sighing, she sank back to the bed, and James took that as a sigh of consent. His hand slid down her arm slowly, raising Goosebumps, before bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it softly. "Be right back."

She smiled. The feeling was foreign, and her skin crinkled uncomfortably. It had seemed, for many dark hours these past few days, that she would never be happy again. But she realized, with James' simple act of affection, that it was the simple things, infact, that made life sweet. And really, that's all that you can ask for.

:.:.:.:

She and James were sitting up in their shared bed playing a game of chess the next day, when someone knocked on the door.

"Oh, no come on! That's not—yes, who is it?" Lily said, looking up from the brutal battle between his knight and her bishop consisting of very girly slaps and squeals. James was still egging his player on, and Lily had to smack the side of his head, to get him to stop.

"Oi!" he said, looking up. "Oh, 'ello Sirius 'ole chap."

Lily smiled a small smile at her boyfriend's silliness, and at Sirius' reply. "Top 'o the morn' to yeh. I jus' came to check on the fair maiden'. I 'ear, word on the street is she's startin' to sprout wings and I said to 'ole dung, I said to 'im, 'you grea' prat Dung, you. Lily Evans woul'nt grow wings, She would grow a great set of—"

"That's enough Sirius." Lily snapped, crossing her arms around her chest, at his gesturing, "Enough flat jokes, please."

James and Sirius were just laughing at her. "Carried on a bit mate? It was funny until you opened your mouth." James chuckled.

Lily, however, had turned her attention to the chess board, and let out a triumphant "Ha!" getting the attention of the two men. "Pawn to E4! And I do believe that is a check mate Mister Potter."

James was stunned momentarily, then he growled, "That's not fair, I was defending your honor!"

She let out a derisive snort. "Defending my honor? You were laughing with him. If you don't like it, then leave."

"Actually," Sirius piped in, "He has to, that's why I'm here."

Both James and Lily turned to look at him. "What?" they asked together, earning a smile from Sirius.

"His mum needs him at the office. She said, and I quote, 'Tell him it wont be terribly long, and I'm sorry that I have to pull him away from Lily.'" Then turning a cheeky smile on his best friend's girlfriend, he said, "You've made quite an impression on the good Mrs. Potter Lils, haven't met her yet. I remember the first time I met her, do you Prongs? We were at the Leaky Cauldron to buy school supplies before second year, and I knocked over a potion right on your mums shoes. She—"

"Alright, enough." James sighed, blushing. "Not a fond memory of mine."

Lily looked between the two, her interest caught. "Hey! I want to know what happened."

"Later, maybe." James said, though he looked skeptical that he would ever tell anyone that story. Kissing her on the cheek, he said, "I'll be right back. You coming Sirius?"

"Nope!" Sirius said cheerfully. "I'm on 'protect the doe' duty, as you aren't. I'm here to stay."

James looked like he wanted to hit his best friend, but thought that running might be in his best interest as Lily threw him a look of mingled confusion, curiosity, and annoyance. So she was some sort of mission, was she?

"Bye Lils." And he disappeared.

Lily sighed, and flipped back onto the bed. "I can't wait until people can stop treating me like some sort of porcelain doll, especially me. Do you know how it feels to second guess you're every move?" She asked Sirius, sitting back up to look at Sirius while he replied.

But his expression was a curious one, different then it had been just seconds ago. He looked torn between something, pained. "Sirius?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

He debated his answer, obviously between telling the truth and lying. "No," he finally said slowly, like it was an effort to utter the single syllable.

"Well," she said slowly, concerned, "Can I help in any way?"

He sighed sadly, looking like he seriously doubted it. Then he stood and sat next to Lily, so that their hips were touching. "Have you ever liked someone one of your friends was dating, and you know that you would rather keep your mouth shut, rather then ruin your friendship?"

The fact that they were touching at the hips now seemed to bother her more then it would have. Shifting uneasily, she said, "No, I can't say I have."

"Well," Sirius sighed, "I have to admit Lily; I haven't liked, _her, _as long as my friend has, so I know I have no right, but…" He turned to face her, and she felt the blood rush to her face. He was close enough that should he lean in a couple inches, they would be kissing, and she turned her face away slightly, pretending that something out the window had caught her interest.

"Sirius, I don't know what I can say to help, I've never been in the position myself." She was trying to hide the anxiety from her voice, because the voice inside of her head was screaming at her to get the hell out of that room.

"Well she…oh bloody hell. I like _you _Lily. For about a year now."

She didn't know what to say, so she stood up and continued to gaze out the window, silent tears streaking down her cheeks. How much more twisted and demented could her life get?

Sirius sighed. "I don't expect you to break up with James, in fact, I would rather you didn't. But it feels good to get it off my chest, all the same."

___The bloody fool,_ she thought harshly to herself. Didn't he know this changed everything between them now? How could she look him in the eye with James around? Or even worse, when he wasn't?

But just then, thank god, James walked back into the room with a small smile on his face, she could see his reflection through the window, and realized that he could probably see hers as well, and hastily wiped her eyes silently, hoping that her eyes were not swollen and giving her away.

"Well, I'll be off." Sirius said hurriedly, his facial expression looking worried. He obviously hadn't thought this through, as it was apparent that James would either pry the information out of Lily, or she would just tell him what was wrong. He seemed to want to get as far away from the explosion as possible.

"People to go, places to see,"

"What?" James asked, laughing.

"What?" Sirius repeated his voice defensive right away.

Eyeing him curiously, James said, "You all right Pads? You're awfully jumpy. Do you just realize you said 'people to go, places to see?'"

"Did I?" Sirius asked quickly, his hand on the door handle and turning it.

"Well, I told you I was in a hurry didn't I? See you guys later."

She heard the door snap shut, and James mutter something about him losing his mind, when his arms snaked around her waist. "So, did he pick on you more about you're a cup, or did you hex him first? He seemed rather scared of something." Laughing, James tugged on a piece of her hair.

She was still quiet, and when she met his gaze in his reflection, she felt herself being turned around to face him. "What did he say to you?" his voice instantly accusing. "Is that what this is? Did he say something to upset you, and he's scared of me?" she knew him enough to hear the anger seeping into his voice.

She hugged him and said, "I love you, did I tell you yet today?"

"Yeah," He said, wondering what was going on. "I love you too."

"Well," she said slowly, and sniffling once, "Apparently, so does Sirius."

It took him a moment to process. The words seemed to have to go through individually, and have their meaning remembered, then the meanings stringed together, and he understood.

His arms tightened. "What did he do?"

His voice was nearly a growl. "Please, don't over react James, he can't help how he feels."

"Yes," he snapped, "But obviously he _did _something, I know you better then that and you know it."

She chose her words carefully. Obviously, she didn't want any harm to come to Sirius, no matter how complicated he was making her life now…. But she needed James to tell him the boundaries, and what the limits were.

"He…well, he sat a little close, and I…." she trailed off, feeling James start to shake with anger.

"Anything else?"

She knew better then to lie to him. "Nothing _happened."_ She insisted, "I wouldn't allow that. But when he turned his head to look at me, he was a little…_overwhelmingly _close."

His fists clenched, and she heard his teeth snap together. "I'm going to wring the filthy dog's _neck_." He declared, making to step away towards the door, but Lily held fast to him.

"Please James, don't hurt Sirius, you'll regret it. Stay with me, I need you." She knew saying the last three letters would make him stay, because had their roles been reversed, it would have worked on her.

He sat on the edge of the bed with an angry _humph._

"He said…" she started, "He said that he respected your claim on me. You just need to lay down the law for him."

"He's never coming near you again."

Knowing it was pointless to argue with James while he was in this state; she simply sat next to him, and kissed him on the cheek, lingering for a few seconds, until she felt James shiver and turn to pull her into his arms.

The next day they were leaving for Potter Manor together, and she felt content in the fact that they would have such a big house to themselves.

:.:.:.:

The next day, as they were preparing to leave, the woman who had supposedly fixed her up upon rescuing, and had checked up on her the day fallowing, walked into the room, with her wand tucked behind her ear. Her hair was long and shockingly blonde, and she had a pleasant smile on her face.

"Hello," she said. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself the other day, I was terribly busy. I'm Healer Lovegood, volunteer healer for the Order. You my dear, are most surely Lily Evans."

Lily nodded, smiling smally. There was something about this woman that was entertaining.

They shook hands, and she grabbed her wand from behind her ear. "I need to check over your vitals, and other things as well, just to double check that they're all in working order." Turning to James she said, "Unfortunately, I'm going to need to ask you to step out momentarily. Female stuff."

James, to Lily's humor, blushed, and stepped out immediately. It was something he just did not want to participate in anyway. Pacing outside the bedroom door, he sighed, trying to keep his mind off the disturbing events of the previous night.

He did not need to wait long however. Five minutes later, Healer Lovegood stuck her head out the door and asked him to rejoin them, her expression now grave, and his heart jumped to his throat. What was wrong with Lily?

Lily's expression seemed to reflect his confusion, as he joined her on the edge of the bed, taking her hand and squeezing it.

"I'm afraid that I…have some rather disappointing news to share, that I specifically don't like sharing with young couples." Both of them? This wasn't good, not at all.

Fiddling with her wand, and seeming to be incapable of looking either of them in the eye, she said, "It seems as though the cruciatis curse you were  
subjected to multiple times, had an odd effect." She glanced at Lily and said,

"Oh, I'm so sorry. But it seems that the curse caused most, if not all, of your eggs to go unfertile."

Her last sentence just hung in the air for an endless moment, then Lily whispered, "I can't have children?" and the pain in Lily's voice seemed to overshadow his own. He had never thought farther then marriage with her, and the thought of having children was odd to him, but it had occurred to him that he had taken it for granted. And now…

"I would call you a miracle case if you did." The healer said sadly. "There's a chance, but it's about one in ten thousand."

She hadn't spoken a word since receiving the news. She had no tears to shed just yet, and he couldn't decide how he himself felt. Sad he guessed. It would really sink in on them when they were married and reached the point where most coupled considered starting a family.

They were sitting on the couch at Potter Manor in front of a crackling fire, Lily nodding off on his shoulder, when the thought occurred to James that he wouldn't want to bring a child into the world under constant threat like this anyway.

But he still imagined the children they could have. Red hair, hazel eyes, her nose, his lips….or black hair, and Lily's stunning green eyes on a small girl, her long hair curly like her mothers, yet untamable like her fathers.

It was that moment he realized that being a father sounded like the best thing, next to getting married to Lily (and admittedly the honeymoon).


	5. Potter Manor

Lily, was in a daze. She didnt want to open her eyes. Her head felt horrible and James wasnt with her anymore. Panicing, she sat up and looked around, thats when she realized there were voicese coming from the front door.

"I just want to see her James,"

"She told me about the other night Sirius, you really scared her and quite frankly, I'm quite pissed at you." James hissed. It almost sounded like he was talking through his teeth.

There was a pause. "Its just...to put it plainly Prongs, I can see why you ever gave up on her all these years. Damn, I love her eyes." Sirius said quietly.

Lily saw a blue flash of light reflected iin the mirror and gasped.

Ow!" Sirius said, but it didnt sound like he was remotely in pain. "You need to control that anger of yours James. Can I just see her?" He asked.

James paused. "Dont wake her up." Lily quickly laid back down and pushed her face into the couch so that they wouldnt notice her eye lids fluttering or anything else that might give her away. "Dont touch her either." James grunted, annoyed.

Lily felt his presense. She could practicaly feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of her head. "She's gping to suffocate," Sirius said quietly.

"I said donbt touch her Sirius. I dont want to start a fight."

"I was only going to turn her over."

Silence, then a pair of hands were on her shoulders. They werent Sirius' though. James whispered in her ear, "He'll be gone in a few minutes." So he knew that she was awke. She couldnt hide anything from him. Slightly more relaxed, Lily made a good show og pretending to be asleep. And sure enough, Sirius was gone, and James was giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. She opened her eyes.

"Hello sleepy head. You had quite a nap." He told her, entwineing his fingers in hers.

"How long?"

"six hours."

Lily moaned. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should go." She said, sitting up.

"And where are you going to go?" James asked, concern in his eyes.

"Petunias." Lily said regretfully.

"Yoiu and I both know how thats going to go Lily. Stay here with me," He asked quietly. Lily picked up a note of begging in his voice.

"And you and I know what _that_ will result in James. You seem to be a little more...wanting lately." She said, a slight smile creeping on her face.

He chuckled. "You are too, I can see it in your eyes. But that dosent mean it has to be right now. Everyone wants, but not everyone gets right away. I dont think going to your sisters is a good idea." He said quietly.

"Why not?" Lily asked.

"Because, your a little...emotionally unstable right now."

"I can deal," She said quietly. She gave him a quick kiss before setting off to her sisters.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"What do you want?" Petunia scoffed when Lily showed up on her appartment doorstep.

"Room and board?" Lily asked quietly.

"Dont you have a boyfriend you can bother?" She asked.

"Please Petunia, one night, thats all I'm asking. I dont have my own appartment yet and James is away until tomorrow." She lied. Well, about the James part.

"Fine. Upstairs, second room on the left." She said, stepping back letting Lily.

"Thanks Tunia," Lily said, using her old nickname. She could have sworn she saw Petunia smile.

Lily couldnt sleep. It seemed like she was already used to having James there with her. For a week he had been in the hospital with her. Wow. It had only been a week ago. A week since her parents died and she had been taken hostage. She curled into a ball and willed herself not to cry. She knew that Petunia had gone out to dinner with her fiancee. She had the house to hereself but she dared not to venture out to explore the house. She felt like she had to hold herself together. She didnt want to seem dependant on James, but the later the night got, the more she willed herself to go back to him. She grabbed her wand an conjured the blue bell flames. She held them in her hand, seeking warmth and comfert from the flickering flame. It didnt work. Finaly she gave in. She got up and went downstairs. They had a white board on their fridge. _Petunia. Thanks so much for letting me bunk. It means alot to me. James got home eairly. Thanks again. 3 Lily._

Lily sighed and walked out the front door. She apparated to James' house. To her surprise, he was on the front porch. He looked surprised but happy to see her. She ran to him, stuffing her wand in her back pocket. She threw her arms around him and kissed him on the lips. It seemed like forever that they stood there like that. Like they hadnt seen each other in a while, or like one was going away. He pulled away and kissed her forehead. "What made you come back. Did she give you a hard time?"

"No...actualy she only protested for about a minute. Actualy, I got used to having you there. I felt so alone, and I started thinking about everything that had happened." He held her closer.

"I couldnt sleep either," He admitted. "But I was surprised to see you. Come on, lets go inside." He put and arm around her waist and led her into the kitchen.

"Hungery?" He asked.

"At three in the morning?" She asked, watchig him conjure some bread and peanutbutter.

"Why not." So they had peanut butter sandwitches at three in the morning.

"So where are your parents?" She asked him, after about an hour of talking about absolutely nothing.

He hesitated. The he reached for her hand. "They're in Romania, wjere the Malfoys are believed to be hiding." He said quietly. She swallowed her piece of sandwich and contemplated it. She had gone to school with Lucius Malfoy, his father was one of the Death Eaters that had tortured her. But for somereason, the mention of him didnt make her stomach curl. "I hope they're okay," She finaly said quietly.

After their meal, They didnt know what to do. Lily realized that she had been wearing the same clothes for the past three days. Not wanting to go back to her parents house to retreive her things, she had nothing to change into. "Uh, I feel so dirty," She complained.

"Do you want to take a shower." he asked her. She laughed at the look at hopefullness on his face. She kissed his cheek. " Yes James, _I_ would like to take a shower..._alone._" he laughed. Have it your way. He led her to the bathroom and showed her how to work it. It was basicaly the same as the showers at Hogwarts. you just told it hotter or colder. He gave her a quick kiss and left.

The water was steaming, just the way she liked it. She heard the door open. "James!" she cried, half annoyed, half amused.

"Dont worry, you have the curtins closed, I just brought you something to wear. I'll be in the kitchen."

"Okay, thanks," She said quietly. She stood in the shower for another twenty minutes before she finaly turned it off. She smiled when she saw that James had brought her some of his pajamas. She put them on and inhaled his scent. Funny that, even though they went through the wash, that it still smelled like him. Like dirt and wind...if wind was a smell. He smelled like quidditch.

When she got to the kitchen he smiled and took in her appearance. "You look beautiful." He said.

She laughed. "Really?" She asked.

"Well, my clothes look good on you, but your always beautiful to me. Even when you're mad." He added with a laugh. She yawned. "Bed." He insisted.

"Why?" She whined like a three year old.

"Because the healer said that you werent to be too tired. Come on, you can sleep in my bed." He said quietly. Her heart rate picked up again as he led ehr to his room. It was full of his quidditch posters, his favorite team, Ireland, was everywhere. There were pictures of every quidditch team he had been on, pictures of his friends Sirius, Remus and Peter. And...her. She touched a picture of her in the great hall from fifth year and she turned to face him. "You were stalking me?" She asked incredelously. She said nothing and pointed to his back board to his bed. It was like it was dedicated to her. _Lily+James Potter. LE+JP 4 ever. Lily, Lily, Lily._ She felt her eyes fil with tears as she bent closer to read and inscription. _I met the women of my dreams this year. Her name is Lily. I'm only twelve but I just know that she will be my wife. No matter how long I have to wait. June 29th, 1972. She still says no, but I wont give up. I see my, our future in her eyes. July 4th, 1974._ The tears finaly won and cascaded down her cheeks. She regretted wasing so much time rejecting James. She never really believed that he had loved her.

James walked over and took her hand. "You need to go to sleep love. I'll stay with you." He said quietly. She nodded. And they fell asleep together on his bed. He had his arms around her protectively, as if he was sheilding her from the world outside that had already distroyed a good portion of her life.

They slept together until mid after noon. Until the urgent pounding on the door woke them from the blessed slumber and re-introduced them into the real world.

Lily moaned and rolled over. James kissed her softly. "I'll be right back," He said quietly. She quickly fell back asleep and woke up to James crawling back into bed with her. She opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was that the sun was gone. She moved closer to James, and looked into his hazle eyes. But they wernt full of the sparkle they usualy ocontained for her. They were puffy and red.

"James, whats wrong?" She asked. He pulled her closer.

"My mom was murdered." He murmured, barely louder then a whisper.

"Oh my god. Oh James, she was so nice to me. Why didnt you wake me?" She asked.

"You need your sleep."

"No I dont. How could oyu go through that by yourself. I couldnt have done it without you." She said, putting a hand on his face.

He closed his eyes and put his hand on hers. "It was enough to know that you were up here." He said quietly. "My fathers in the ward for special cases, he got hit witha spell they didnt know existed. But they think he will be okay."

"I'm so sorry about your mother James," She sighed.

"I'm fine, she was the sort of persont hat celebrated the passing of a loved one. She saw it as the fact that theyre in a better place, and we should be happy for them," He sighed and wound his fingers through hers. "She wouldnt have wanted me to be sad for that long."

"Thats a beautiful way to look at it." Lily got closer to him for warmth. She still felt weak from the past week, but was feeling more and more like herself.

The funeral arrangements had been up to James, seeing as how his father was in St. Mungos. Lily dressed in a black dress, the only one she could find, and she though it was much too seducing for a funeral. So she threw on an ugly black sweater Petunia had given her once for christmas and was satisfied. James was becoming more and more himself, though now the both of them had a personal grudge against Voldemort, who had killed both Lily's parents and one of James'. Lily walked outside into the crisp autumn air and immedeately found James. He held out his hand to her as she walked over to him, she gladly took it. They were in one hell of an afternoon.

It had gone as planned. Harold Potter could walk so had been allowed to come to the funeral, if a healer came with him. Just looking at him renewed Lilys tears. It wasnt just the fact that he had to stay in the hospital for the next six months, it was the pain she saw in his eyes over the loss of his wife.

That night Lily and James sat on the couch together. He had gotten over the fact that his mother was dead, but none the less, the pain was still there. Lily cuddled closer to James, and he put an arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "I was thinking, you know whats a month away?" He asked her.

"October?" she guessed. He opened his mouth to contradict her but she understood and cut him off. "Ah...our one year mark."

"Puts it all into perspective dosent it?" He asked. "One year and you havent even slapped me once," He joked.

"Really?" She asked.

"Oh no, I take that back," He said raising his hands as if to surrender.

"Too late!" She cried, slapping the back of his head, ((A/N: Lol, got that from NCIS!!))

"Okay, okay, so once," he said. She laughed and leaned back against the back of the cough. "Ha! Sign of weakness!" He cried and pounced at her, tickling every spot he could reach.

"James-stop-it!" She cried when she could. Then she pushed him off the couch. Laughing, he grabbed her arm as he fell and they suddenly found themselves on the floor laughing hystaricly, Lily ontop of James. "One year," she said looking into his eyes.

"How did you ever survive me?" He asked.

"You have your good moments," She said quietly. Then she leaned in and kissed him, and he kissed her back, then he rolled over so that he was on top. He kissed her neck and whispered in her ear, "Was that one of them?"

She laughed and pulled away from him, "Yes James, infact, top of the list. It gets better every time." She was out of breath from laughing, and then what had just happened. But she loved how he made her feel. Like no one in the worl mattered to him but her. He rolled of her and they laid side by side, ceaching their breath, wondering what would have happened if they had held that kiss a little longer....

"James!" Lily called out into the night a week later. Her mind was going hay-wire. Images of her nightmare raced through her mind. She had re-lived those horrible three days being held captive. But it was worse in her dream. Instead of her parents dieing that terrible day, it had been James. He had tried to save her but failed. Memories of her dream and the horrible way he had died came back to her full speed. She started to sob, calling out his name again. She was over reacting again, as her doctors said she would, but she couldnt get that image out of her mind.

After crying snd calling for James for almost a whole ten minutes, she realized that he had never came. She glanced at his alarm clock and realised that it wa ten in the morning. He had let her sleep in...again. She walked down into the kitchen expecting to find James, instead she found a vase full of red roses, and a piece of parchment rolled up and tied to the stem of a rose.

_  
__Lily,___

_I went to visit my father, I have somethings to ask him.___

_I'll be back by noon, dont burn down the house. ___

_All my love___

_James,___

_She couldnt help but smile. He was more likely to burn down the house then her. She picked up a single rose and smelled it. They were freseh, probably right out of his mothers rose garden. She saw that James must have cut off all of the thorns. Any remaining thoughts of her dream left her mind, and she decided to go upstairs and take a shower.___

_"Hey dad," James said, walking into the long term patients ward. He smiled at James and sat up in bed.___

_"Hey James, how's Lily?" He asked.___

_"Thats what I'm here about." James sighed, sitting in the chair besides the bed. He sighed and took one of his fathers chocolate frogs. "I dont know what to do. I love Lily with all my heart, but I'm ready for everything, and she's not. I mean, marrage, children, our careers, we both want it, but I'm the only one ready."___

_"Son," Harold said placing a hand on his sons shoulder. "I know that you love her, and your goign to have to wait. Dont push her, she will be ready, give it time. Women are like that." He chuckled and moved into a more comfertable position. "Your mother once told me that most women want to make sure thats its real, that the man is in it for everything, the whole package. Once they're sadisfied, then they give in. Others wait on everything, some break a couple rules but arent ready for marrage."___

_James nodded but didnt say anything. He and Lily had never talked about their future too much. They had gotten close, but she had always eluded the topic. Was she scared of commitment. Then he remembered, "Snape," He spat.___

_"What?" His father asked.___

_"Snape. He made her afraid of commitment. He beat her, the ungrateful little Git. He didnt realize how eaisly you can crush Lilys spirits." James said, grinding his teeth together. He was full of rage every tie he thought of that day.___

_"But you know that James, thats why your right for her. Now, go home to Lily, I'm sure she's awake by now, and be patient."___

_"Thanks dad, I owe you one,"___

_Lily stepped out of the shower, got dressed and walked out of the bathroom. On her way down the stairs, she felt a sharp pain in her head. Black spots appeared in her vision and she would have fallen down teh stairs if she hadnt been holding the railing so tight. It was gone as fast as it had come, and Lily was left feeling completely normal. "Bloody Hell..." She murmured to herself. It was nothing, and Lily velieved that, just something to do with her monthly.___

_She went into the kitchen and began to make lunch. Roast beef on a hard roll. And, as planned, he was home by noon. She didnt hear him come in and was suprised to find his hands on her waist, kissing her cheek. "How was your morning?" He asked her.___

_"Loved the roses, but I like waking up to you." She sighed.___

_"I'm sorry," He said sweetly, without the slightest note of sarcasm. Moments later, when they were eating, Lily got that feeling again. The pain in her head, and she almost fell sideways off the chair but, thanks to JAmes' seeker reflexes, he caught her before she hit the ground. "Lily?" He asked, a note of painc in his voice.___

_"I'm alright, I just got really dizzy," She said, blinking away the back spots. "It happened before, at the top of teh stairs, I had to grab the railing." She told him quietly.___

_"How many other times has this happened?" He asked, putting a hand to her forehead. Then he pulled it away, "Jeez Lily, your burning up!" He cried.___

_"I actualy feel kinda cold James," she said, realizeing that she just proved to him that she was sick. Probably had the flu.___

_"Upstairs," He said simply. "I'm going to look for some remedies. Actualy, scratch that, I dont want you walking up the stairs. Go lie daown in the sitting room, I'll be there in five," He said, springing up and running to the library. He cared about her so much, but she didnt see the need to go lie down.___

_James came in and scowled when he saw her sitting up. "you seen my wand?" He asked.___

_"No, actualy, I havnt seen mine since last night. Where did i put it?" She asked.___

_"On the night stand. I'll be right back." he said. Three minutes later, he called her up. Sighing, Lily stood up and went upstairs. "Mighty potions master, can you identify this liquid?" He asked, pointing to a goopy purple glob of...something, on the night stand. She got closer and smelled it. It had a fould odor that she couldnt place. It was a dark purple color, that looked black, depending on the angle. The color reminded her of night. Then she remembered it. Slughorn had shown it to them in their sixth year. It was "A dreamless potion gone bad," Lily said silently. That explained the dream she had last night, the one that had been so...graphic.___

_"What?" James asked.___

_"A Dreemless sleep potion, only gone bad. If it goes bad, it causes graphc nightmares," She shuttered at the memory of James in her dream, "And the side effects include dizzyness and sudden and short headachs," Lily collasped on the bed.___

_"You had a nightmare too?" He asked her as he sat down next to her. She nodded, "What was yours about?" She asked.___

_The color drained from his face as though she had brought up a topic he had tried to bury in his mind for years. But she understood perfectly. "Me too," She said quietly.___

_"Someone was in here last night, stole outr wands and for extra drama, decided to gives us nightmares about...us." He said.___

_"I feel so vulnerable without my wand," Lily said. "Who took it?" She asked.___

_"I know someone who might want our wands,"___

_Albus Dumbledore was staring out the window when he saw the brown speck coming closer. It was an owl, another owl to add to todays tally. He stood up to meet it at the window. He accepted the scroll and saw fimiliar handwriting he couldnt place.___

_He opened it to see that it was James Potter's hand writing. Former head boy. He quickly read it and set it down. They were in danger, probably more danger then they knew. ___

_Dumbledore came over and informed them of the plan. They were to go into protective hiding for a month, afterwards, buying their own house in Godrics Hallow with simple protection charms on it. It was obvious that someone wanted them vulnerable. But the one thing that confused them was, why, if someone had the nerve to sneak into James' house, would they only steal their wands, and give them a badly made potion? They could have killed them right there if it mattered that much. But they didnt dwell on it. They were lucky to still be alive and together. They had gotten new wands at Olivanders and were now at Potter Manor, awaiting Alastor 'Mad-eye' Moody as their escort to an unknown location. They didnt know what the place was for, Dumbledore only said that it was important..and a secret.___

_Lily held James' hand as they saw Moody limping up the front path. "Ah, Potter, We have to go quickly. Lets go inside so that I can tell you where were going."___

_Lily fallowed them, wondering why all the secrecy. Moody sat down in the chair and stared at the two of the. "Its going to be hard to apparate there seeing as how youve never been there before. Were going to a little town just south of Surry-"___

_"Excuse me, sorry," Lily started. "My sister lives in Surry, would it be eaiser for us to apparate there?" Lily asked.___

_"Read my mind Evans. you are apparating to your sisters. Its dark now, or nearly is, so it shouldnt be a problem not being spotted. From there, we will take one of the muggle texies-"___

_"Taxies" Lily offered.___

_"Yeah, those, to a shop down the street. So lets go then." He said standing up.___

_The plan went smoothly, and Lily and James soon found themselves uncomfertably close to Alastor Moody in the back seat of a taxi, wearing a hat tilted down at an angle to cover his magicle eye. They were dropped off at a little shop called 'Aunt Maggie's art supplies' and Lily couldnt help but laugh at the typical muggle version of a witch being huing from a window in honor of the upcoming holiday.___

_Alastor started at a brisk walk and they fallowed. "Alastor, where are we going?" Lily asked.___

_"My place," He growled. "I'll tell you more once were...there" He said, stopping at a park gate. He made a look like 'no talking,' and they fallowed Alastor into the playgroung that was now deserted. Moody led them into the mens bathroom. James couldnt help but laugh at the look on Lily's face. She loked utterly horrified at where they were. Moody pulled out a slip of parchment and handed it to them. "Memorize it, and think it as you walk into the 'out of order' stall." He grumbled. "See you in a few." Then he was gone.___

_James gave Lily a puzzled look then un-rolled the little scroll that had been handed to them.___

_The Headquaters to the Order of the Phoenix can be found in the residence of Alastor Moody, 3 Birghtendale Lane.___

_James laughed. "And we enter through an out of order stall. How origional. After you," He said to Lily. She stepped in and though about what she had read on the paper and soon found herself in a kitchen with three others. Alastor Moody, Albus Dumbledore, and Sirius Black was their welcomeing party. For the five seconds that James wasnt by her side, Sirius had his eyes locked on her. She shifted uncomfertably and had to hold in the sigh of relief when James was back by her side.___

_James gave the room one look and couldnt help but be excited to see his old friend despite what had happened between them. "Sirius!" He cried out. He embraceed him like a brother, and thats what they were, even if they got in fights sometimes. Sirius leaned in and whispered something in his ear, both of their eyes flickered over to Lily for a fraction of a second. James put a hand on his shoulder in a forgiving way. Lily understood what their conversation had been about. Sirius was saying sorry.___

_"James, Lily," Dumbledore said, standing up after talking with Moody for a moment. "This will be your home for a month so that we have time get your house in order. you will have it to yourselves for most of the time unless the Order is having a meeting. And I do believe I owe you and explanation." He started to pace. "The Order of the Phoenix is a secret organization that works against Voldemort and his climb to power. And before you say anything James, You two are not ready to be inducted. You are fresh out of your last year at Hogwarts and have not even started your careers yet." James closed his moth because he had opened it to say something. "I hope that you will make yourselves comfertable here. As for Sirius, I will see to your problem at your appartment tonight, then you may return to it."___

_After Dumbledore had left, Lily sat in the kitchen while the two boys talked away, ceaching up. "What happened at your appartment?" James asked.___

_"Nothing big. Just traces of magic when I moved in it last week and I want it checked out. I heard about what happened. That really sucks. Hey, I was thinking, we need to get together, Moony and Wormtail too. Its been a while. Think we could do it tomorrow night?" He asked. James looked at Lily, playing with her hair in the corner of the room.___

_"Lily?" He asked.___

_"You can go James, you dont have to ask me." She sighed, hating the thought of being alone in the house tomorrow night.___

_"Will you be okay?" He asked.___

_Lily laughed, a little tone of bitterness in her voice. "We're well hidden James, I'm sure I'll be fine."___

_The next night James kissed Lily good bye. "Are you sre that You'll be alright? I dot have to go." He said quietly.___

_"Go, have fun with your batch of troublemakers. Tell them I said hi." She sighed two minutes later as she watched him walk out the door. She decided to read some books on magicle creatures.___

_It was around half an hour after James had left that Lily heard the stairs creek. Her heart picked up and she didnt know what to do. She grabbed her new wand and quietly snuck out of the room. She could hear herself breathing and she seemed more alert then normal. She turned the corner out of her room and crashed into someone.___

_"Sirius!" She cried with both relief and dread. Thank got it wasnt someone dangerous. But he was supposed to be with James.___

_"Lily," He breathed. He had a sort of maniac look in his eyes, of pure desire.___

_It scared her. "Sirius-Sirius your supposed to be with James." She said quietly.___

_"One time Lily. One time and I'll forget about you. I'll try to forget about my feelings for you, and step aside to let you two live a happy life." He stepped closer, and Lily couldnt seem to move her feet.___

_"Sirius," Was all she could manage to say. Then he was kissing her. With a sudden, maniac urgency. She couldnt fight him, anything she tried she ignored, so she just stood there letting him kiss her, then the tears came. She felt dirty, like she had betrayed James even though none of this was her fault, Sirius was the traitor. Then the real guilt set in. Somewhere in her mind she knew it wasnt the right thing to do, but her mind had shut down, leaving her insticts to the job, and she started to kiss him back. When he pulled away, all reality set in again. She was horrified. Lily sank to her knees and started to sob, not caring who saw here. Sirius started to leave but then he stopped. Lily found herself thinking Please God, dont let him want more. She felt a hand on her shoulder.___

_"I cant bear to see you like this Lily. Thats why you should be with James. With someone who will make you happy. I want you to forget about what just happened. Infact, you will. It happened before she could do anything to prevent it.___

_"Obliviate"_


	6. As Time Flies By

Lily woke to James walking into the room. How had she gotten in here anyway? She sighed and rolled over. Her head ached terribly. What had she done? Did she drink? She didn't remember drinking, besides, she couldnt have been asleep for more then an hour. She opened her eyes and found James climbing into the bed. She smiled dreamily and moved closer to him. "How was it?" She asked tring to ignore the pounding ach in her head.

"It was really good to see them again, like old times. Sirius was a little late though. I know when something's bothering him and he had the guilty look all night." He sighed and pulled her closer when she shivered.

"He probably felt bad about being late?" She suggested.

"Nah, I know Sirius. Since when does he feel bad about...anything? Something's really bothering him. But if he doesn't want to tell me then it must not be that important, to me any way. Still, I wish I knew what was bothering him."

Lily remembered how he had looked at her and shuttered at the memory of him in the hospital. Something was tugging at the back of her mind, like a long lost memory that she just couldn't remember.

"Lily? Are you okay?" James asked.

"Yeah, why?" You were quiet for a while. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, my head hurts a little is all," She said frowning at the darkness.

"Let's go make you some tea."

They were in the kitchen for a while. Neither said anything. James watched Lily carefully, as though she might start to spill some insane secret. And she wanted to; the only problem was that she couldn't figure out what the secret was. She couldn't stand the mystery. She got up and walked to James, leaving her tea on the other side of the table and sat on his lap, putting her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair.

"I feel so weird..." She said after a while. "Like there's a memory I'm missing that's important. I realized it when we started to talk about Sirius. And I woke up with a really bad headache. James...am I going insane?" She asked.

"I don't think so. You might still be feeling a little off from the other day. What did you do tonight?" He asked.

"There's another thing. I remember reading for half an hour and that's it. I don't remember going to bed or anything else."

"Did you know you sleep walk?" James asked her.

"I haven't slept walked since third year when I was worried about...something, I dont really remember." She told him. "But I see where you're headed and I can see the theory. So you think I might have fell asleep in the library and slept walked myself to the bedroom?" She asked.

James nodded. "You aren't going insane; I think that the fact that were in hiding has worried you. I think you and I both know that there's something Dumbledore's not telling us. I think your just looking for the worst in the situation."

She sighed. "When did you become so wise?" She asked.

"Learned it from you." He smiled.

Another moment's silence, then James reached across the table and grabbed her cup of tea. "Drink," He told her.

"I don't want it."

"Drink, you'll fell better, promise." She sighed and took a sip, and actually did feel better as she felt the warm liquid down her throat. She kissed James on the cheek and Jumped at a loud banging noise.

She spilled tea all over the floor and looked at James worriedly, but before either of them could get up Dumbledore came into the room. Fallowed by Mad-eye Moody, Frank Longbottom, and Aberforth Dumbledore. They looked worried and stopped and stared at the two of them. Lily realized that she was still sitting on James' lap, but no one seemed to care.

"James, the dark mark is over your house." Dumbledore said quietly.

"What happened? Dad didn't come home did he?" James asked, looking terrified at the thought. Tears threatened to spill over, and it was hard for Lily to hold them in. James tightened his grip around Lily's waist in order to brace himself for the answer.

"...No, your father wasn't home James. I think it was meant as a warning. We did find your cat. She was killed, we found her on the porch steps."

"Misty died? Why would they kill a cat?" Lily asked, feeling slightly relieved that it wasn't a person, though she was sad for the cat.

"Again, I think it was a warning. It was Aberforth that saw the Mark above your house. I'm sure that, had you been there, that the Dark Mark would have had a different point other then to threaten you." Dumbledore said gravely. "But you are safe, and I don't think that you should worry too much. This house is well hidden, but I advise caution and I don't think that you should go out."

James opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. Lily realized that Moody had disappeared. But this was his house and he probably needed to find something. "Is that all?" James asked.

Dumbledore shook his head. "I'm afraid not. We fear that Amagous Culhagian, head of the Auror department is under the imperious curse. Alastor said he has been acting different and calling decisions only a Death Eater would make. We don't want you to start your training until we can prove it and have him removed."

So they couldn't start their careers for another couple months. At least they weren't dead. But it was disturbing. Lily found herself thinking _but what if we have kids? How are we supposed to support it?_ Lily was only eighteen and was already thinking of kids. She wanted to wait at least another two years. And being an auror was James' dream. How would he take it?

Lily looked at him. He didn't look angry, but seemed to be thinking things similar to Lily. She took his hand and looked at Dumbledore. "How long do we have to stay here?" She asked.

"Probably another extra month, maybe less if we can get your house situated in time." Lily nodded. She didn't want to stay in this house that long, but if it kept them alive...

Dumbledore left soon after, leaving James and Lily by themselves once again. Lily went in the living room and sat down by the fire, thinking about what they had just found out. James came and sat across from her, taking both her hands in his. "I may not be able to start training right away, and I might be stuck in this house, but if there's anything that overpowers the regret of those two things, it's the fact that it means spending more time with you."

Lily couldn't believe that he had just said that. He seemed to surprise her with his gentleness everyday. A tear rolled down her cheek she was so touched.

"I had something planned for this week, so the news from Dumbledore kinda ruined them all." He told her quietly. It took her a minute to realize what he was talking about. Their anniversary was this week.

"Oh James, I don't really mind what we do," She told him. He just stared at her. "What?" She asked.

"Just admiring how you look." He told her smiling. She looked down and saw that she was wearing one of his T-shirts tonight; it was long so she hadn't bothered to wear pants. But at the moments she was sitting cross legged on the floor and she stood up.

"Thanks James, but I'm sure that I look horrible." He stood up too.

"You never look Horrible Lily."

"Okay then, really bad." She said, loving how he was looking at her.

"Not even close. You look gorgeous. I could get lost in your eyes forever and never regret it."

She smiled at him. "What are you playing at James? Seriously, I'm wearing one of your old shirts,"

"What wrong with my shirt?" He asked, pretending to be hurt.

"Nothing, actually, I would prefer to wear your shirt. That's why I put it on tonight. You weren't home. It has your smell."

"I have a smell?" He asked.

"Mmhmm, and you smell absolutely wonderful." She told him. He laughed.

"I doubt that one." He told her

"And I dont really think that I look to good in your shirt. Truce?" She asked, holding out her hand for him to shake. He grabbed her hand but didn't shake it. Instead he pulled her closer.

"I think that I'm willing to believe that I smell good. What do you say gorgeous? Dance with me?" He asked her.  
She laughed. "Yes I will."

The next day she awoke to the sunlight in her face and the smell of James next to her. She opened her eyes to see that he was watching her. "Good morning sleepy head." He said.

"How long have you been awake?" She asked him.

"Long enough to take a shower get dressed and make breakfast for you." He smiled at her, knowing what she was going to say. "Well, I wasn't about to wake you up. You deserved to sleep in. You're going to have a big day." He told her.

"Mmmmm." She sighed and smiled at him. "One year today? Seems like one month." She told him. One year since they had kissed on the shores of Lake, sealing the unspoken agreement. Since then they had become a matter of interest to the wizarding world. Well, more strictly speaking the people with whom they had graduated. Lily Evans, who had detested James Potter, had finally caved, finding that there was more to James Potter then he liked to show.

James took her hand. "Every day I think dear god how did I get so lucky? Because I dont deserve you."

"How do you figure? I was the one that ignored you all those years." She paused. It was painful to speak of this out loud. "Since that...day that Severus got mad, all my thoughts just...changed about you." She was at a loss for words. "And I keep telling myself that you waited six years for me, why do I suddenly think that I'm good enough for you?"

"You," He said, kissing her once quickly on the lips, "Are too good for me, and we will probably argue about this all day. So, I think that we should call a momentary truce. Truce?" He asked, getting so close that he heart picked up. She looked into his eyes. "I wont kiss you unless you calla truce," He told her.

"Truce," She said giving in too quickly. 

Breakfast was great. The whole day was great. James seemed to be depressed about not being able to go outside. She tried to cheer him up but apparently he had big plans for this day. She insisted that being with him was enough. Finally he decided not to sulk about it, at least not around her. After dinner in the sitting room, James walked over to Lily and stood behind her. With his arms around her waist he whispered in her ear, "I got you something."

"Oh James," She sighed. "I feel so bad I didn't get you anything. I completely forgot about it the other day and then we went into hiding. You shouldn't have gotten me anything, now I feel horrible."

James turned her chair so that she was facing him. "Lily, I dont want anything, and what would you have gotten me anyway?" He asked. When she didn't answer he said, "I thought so, my mother never could decide what to get me. I'm just that kind of guy. He reached his hand in his pocket and pulled out a gold chain. But it wasn't just a got chain. It had intricate patterns carved into the chain itself, with a solid gold heart dangling off of it. It had beautiful hand writing carved into the front.

_James _

_ Lily_

"Oh James," Lily said. It was beautiful. James took it from her hand and put it on her neck. He kissed her full on the lips and whispered, "Only something beautiful for someone gorgeous." She kissed him back. This kiss was different, but in an intensely satisfying way. It was urgent and all thoughts drained from Lily's head. Her mind was blank except for the thought that this was going farther then they ever had. She had one hand on his back, another in his hair that was already messy and didn't need encouraging. He had a hand on her waist and the other was traveling everywhere.

Her heart picked up and she thought _Oh god, is this it?_ She didn't know what to think. Suddenly all the possibilities sprang into her head. She wanted him. Oh how she wanted him. But all the cons of the situation reminded her of what she had to lose. What if she got pregnant? It would be the end of her auror career. Neither of them were ready to be parents anyway.

James had sensed she was distracted. He pulled away and kissed her neck. "Are you okay?" He asked.

She nodded. "I'm sorry James, really _really_ sorry. But you and me both knew where this is heading and I...well I want to wait until were married.

He nodded slowly. "I see what you're saying...and why. But...you dont want to get married." His voice was slow and careful, like he was trying not to make her mad at him.

Lily put her head on his shoulder remembering what had happened the last time, when he had proposed to her. "I was so scared when you asked me James. But I want to now. I have no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"You really want to?" He asked carefully, hope and excitement sparkled in his eyes.

"I do."

James grinned and kissed Lily again. "See? Now were even! You got me a present."

"I wouldn't consider that a present for you considering that I want it as bad as you." She told him. They were standing in the middle of the sitting room when James' eyes suddenly lit up in understanding. "Were engaged!" he cried.

"You're my fiancé!" Lilly cried back.

"I need to get your ring!"

"What!" Lily cried, now lost. "What are you talking about?"

"A ring silly. I still have one for you."

"Oh."

"I'll be right back." He said. He kissed her quickly and disappeared up the stairs. She thought about what she had just agreed to. She had no regrets this time. Actually she was already planning the wedding in her head. She was going to spend the rest of her life with James...to the last minute.

James came up behind her. She turned around and gasped. A large single diamond glittered from the ring. He took her hand and slipped it on her finger. "'Till death do us part." He whispered.

Her eyes teared up. "Oh James!" She cried and she hugged him. They spent the rest of the night just laughing and wondering when they could have the wedding. They went into the kitchen and talked about it over tea. The front door opened a little while later. Another meeting.

Albus Dumbledore, Aberfoth Dumbledore, Alastor Moody, Kinglsey Shacklebolt, Hagrid(He had to double over to get in, making James laugh) And Frank ands Alice Longbottom. "Alice!" Lily cried, standing to greet her old friend.

"Lily! Well aren't you all smiles for someone who's in hiding." She said hugging Lily. Alice pulled back and looked between James and Lily, who both wore big smiles which, like Alice had said, were a little too big under the circumstances.

"Lily...I know that look," Alice said quietly. The whole room went silent when Alice lunged for Lily. James, stupidly, drew his wand. But Alice had only grabbed Lily's hand. "I KNEW IT!! Oh Lily! When did he ask you?" Alice screamed like she was twelve. Unable to contain her happiness, Lily's smile grew bigger.

"Tonight." Lily replied. Alice hugged her and made a squeal of excitement.

"Congratulations. I do love weddings," Dumbledore said happily, helping himself to a cup of tea.

Boy you never wanted, Just steals your heart

I never saw it comin' Till I fell so Hard  
~Love Story by Katharine McPhee


	7. Wedding Bells and a Bright Green Spell

James smiled as he watched Lily and Zlice the next day. He was leaning casually against the doorway to the sitting room watching his wife and his friends wife make wedding plans. The date was set. For two weeks from now. James was the one who had inputted this idea, and Lily took to it. There wasnt any time to wastegiven the circumstances teh rest of the world was in. They were in hiding and would need to come out of it for a few hours to hold the wedding, but they werent worried. There would be aurors there and them selves also. They were so ammusign to watch. James had agreed to let them do the plans as long as there wasnt anythigng pink. Lily laughed and said that pink would clash with her hair. What ever that meant.

James!" Lily cried. "James Sirius is your best man right?" She asked. James nodded. "Of coarse."

"Have you even asked him? He seems...uncomfertable around me." Lily said, confused as to why Sirius was acting the way he was.

James shook his head. "I dont weven think he knows about it." James told her.

"Well tell him, and then ask him about being best man." Lily said. James nodded and stayed where he was. "Now," She added.

James sighed and turned aorund and headed to the kitchen. He grabbed some flow and thew it in teh fire place and climed in after it. He wasnt supposed to be leaving, but oh well. "Six Turningstorn Place" He said and a moment later, after the uncomfertable spinning, James found himself at Sirius' house.

Sirius jumped at his arrival, but now before James saw how he was sitting. Sirius had had his head on the table, like he was sleeping, but apparently he was wide awake. James eyedhim. "You okay Pads?" He asked,

Sirius smiled a smile that didnt reach his eyes, like they usualy did. If you didnt know him that well, you wuldnt have thought anything was wrong, but James knew better. "every thinkgs fine Prongs. So what brings you out of hiding?" Sirius asked.

James decided not to push the subject. "I need to ask you something."

"Fire away!" Sirius said. He stood up and put his hands in his pocket.

"Well...Sirius...will you be my best man?" JAmes asked. He suddenly remembered and regretted not explaining to him. James saw a flash of emotion inSirius' eyes before he laughed.

"Prongs! Are you goign to propose to Lily?"

"I um...already did." James admitted. When SIrius seemed to be at a los of words (which never happens to Sirius Black) James Moved foreward and put his hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Sirius, I know how you feel about Lily...cant say i blame you....but Lily's the one for me, and you'll find someone for you." James told him quietley.

Sirius looked at James and sank into a chair. "I'm sorry James." He said quietly.

"Its fine. Really, it is...just...dont-you know." JAmes said uncomfertably.

Sirius put his head in his hands and whispered, "I kissed her." but James couldnt hear it. Sirius sat like that for a while. A long while. James took the seat across from him and waited patiently....

Sirus didnt know whatto do. He didnt want to tell James about that night. Lily didnt even know about it. That brought a flash of pain to him. Lily didnt remember it. It was for the better, but Sirius wished that she could remember without causing pain to either of them.

Get a grip Sirius. She's James'. Not yours. And besides, James is right. She and James are perfect together, she and I clash. There has to be someone out there for me. There is. Someone better than Lily, even if I cant make myself believe that at the moment. At least I'll still be their friend, I'll see her all the time. I just have to swear not to do anythign rash again. James is right.

Sirius stood up and hugged James like a brother. "I'm sorry James. Your right. I should get back to the old Sirius style and try a few different girls a week!" He let out a bark of a laugh and this time the smile reached his eyes. "Yes, I'll be your best man."

James smiled. "Wouldnt have it any other way Padfoot." James told him.

Sirius flet different. Like he had finaly let go of Lily. He at least hoped so.

James walked back in the house. "Lily!" He called.

"I'm up stairs!" She called from the bedroom. James smiled and ran up.

"Sirius said he'd love to be best man.... Where's alice?" He asked.

"Oh she had auror duties." Lily told him. She walked up and hugged James tightly adn James bretherd her in. She smelled like cinnamon and raspberrys. An odd combination but it seemed to fit her.

"What have you decided for the wedding?" He asked.

And she went on and on and on...James regretted asking.

"Prongs relax! Its all good. this should be the beest day of your life." Sirius told him. James sighed and looked into his mirror. It was a big day. He had dreamed of it his entire life since first year, and here he was, fufilling that dream. HE never would have thought that Lily would give in. He thought he would have to wait for her his entire life. But he was nineteen years old andwas marrying the women of his dreams today.

He turned to face Sirius. "Your right Pad. I have to calm down. I mean, this is the best day of my life. I'm marrying Lily Evans." JAmes sighed and took a drink of his water.

"I wasnt refering to the wedding. If I am correct, you and Lily have yet to shag?" Sirius asked playfully. James, however, was taken fully by suprise and spit his water out.

"Bloody Hell Padfoot." James spluttered. Sirius was laughing hystaricaly at James' face which was now red.

"Our little virgin. Well, see you in a few. I have to go check up on the brides part of the wedding." Sirius said happily adn walked out of the tent.

"Keep your mouth shut of that kind of stuff with Lily!" James called after him. It was going to be a long day with that prat prancing around.

"Oh Lily-kins!" Sirius called as he walked into the bridal tent.

"Sirius get OUT!" Alice shouted and there was immedeately a blindfold on his face.

"Geesh, I was only checklign in to make sure you didnt blow something up." Sirius scowled. "I'm not the groom I can see the d-"

"SIRIUS BLACK DONT YOU DARE TAKE OFF THAT BLIND FOLD!" Lily shouted.

"Why not!?"Sirius protested lowing the hand that was trying to get it off.

"I'm changing you prat. Now what do you want?" SHe asked.

"Ooohh. Sorry Lily kins. Didnt think about it." SIrius said, sitting on the ground.

"Sirius ge your arse off the ground! You'll get your robes dirty." ALice complained.

"Its a simple spell called scourgeify. You should learn it sometime. Anyway Lily, I was just talking to James about-"

"Sirius Black! Shut your fat mouth and get out here." Came James's voice from outside the tent.

"I would James-i-wamesy but I seem to be momentairaly blind!" Sirius called.

Alice picked him up by the collar and pushed him out of the tent. "Leave us alone Sirius. We have things to do1" SHe called.

James laughed. "I think I may let you walk around like that. See you later Pad." James said and walked away. James walked back to his tent where he grabbed the rings and went to go find Lily's little cousin Sam, the ring barrier.

Lily sighed. "Are you absolutely sure that this dress dosent make me look fat?" Lily asked quietly.

"Lily, how many times do I have to tell you?! Your gorgeous. Every women is going to envy you." Alice said. Then quieter she whispered, "But I think the only problem with the dress is how tight it is."

"What do you-oh god Alice, your already thinking about that? "Lily said, blushing.

"And you werent? Now come one, the ceremony starts in five, James and SIrius should probably already be in place.

Soon, way too soon for Lily, she was watching Alice walk up the asile to the music. Lily's heart was pounding. Was she really ready? Yes. She wanted james with all her heart, but...no regrets. Liy reminded herself before her thoughts got even deeper. She was suddenly hit with a wave of deppression. He father wasnt well enough to walk her down the asile. He got sicker evryday and Liyl wanted to help him, but the use of magic on muggles, no matter how closely related, was forbidden. But she remembered what he had told her....

"Lily. Dont be sad about me. Your wedding is a happy time, and I know that you love James with all your heart. I'll be here, waiting for you. Enjoy your wedding..."

It was sad, but she supposed he was right. Ten she was startled at the start of the bride music. Duh duh dadaaa duh duh dadaaa. This was it. As the doors opened for her, she took a deep breath and walked slowly down the isle. she looked for him, and there he was. Her Fiance. Her soon-to-be-in-like-twenty-minutes Husband. She vaguely wondered if he was considered her fiance if she was actutualy about to marry him in a few minutes. She looked into his eyes, and they said everything. All regret washed away as she made her way to the front and took his hand.

She didnt even hear what the preist said until "Do you, James Harold Potter, take Lily Marie Evans, to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in healt,till death do you part?" He looked at her for a minute, his eyes shinning.

"I do."

"And do you, Lily Marie Evans, take James Harold Potter, to have and to hold,in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

"I do."

"I now pronouce you Mr and Mrs. James Potter, husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." The preist said with a smile. James looked over at Lily. Seh was his now. Lily Marie Potter. He gently put a hand on her face and with his thumb, wiped away the single tear that ran down her face. He leaned in and kissed her.

It was firey with passion adn didnt stop through the clapping because they didnt hear it. TIme wasnt an essence and eventualy they pulled back, staring into eachothers eyes with love and unsaid promises.

James leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Gorgeous. As usual," he pratcally read Lily's mind. She had been wondering what he thought about her dress. Maybe she said something out loud by accident. She kissed him sweetly.

"You always know what I want to hear." She whispered. They were sitting at the Bride and Grooms table at the reception, listening to their family and friends talk. People they hadnt seen in a while because of their being in hiding, were there to see them be joined for holy matrimony.

Remus and Peter were there, being friends of the bride and groon, they were on the other side of the table. James was about to say someting to Lily when Sirisu stood up and called for silence. James groaned in Lily's ear and leaned back to listen to Sirius' unexpected speech.

"Aww come on James, it isnt that bad!" Sirius called, the whole room listening.

"Yes, it is. What ever you have to say will turn into a bad joke that will be used against me." James moaned. The whole room laughed.

"Thats the spirit. Now," He said, turnign towards the room. "Eight years ago, I sat on the train to Hogwarts, with nothing to do. That was the first day I met James. He sat with me and we had fun picking on the rest of the kids." James inwardly thanked him for not saying Snape. "That was also the first day both of us met Lily. SHe walked in and defended one of the kids. From then on, James and Lily went at eachother like over-protective banshees." Sirius smiled when Lily cried "Oh shut it Sirius." The room laughed again. "Well its true. But aside from their annoying bickering, Remus, Peter and I had to put up with hours of James' complaining. First it was just 'why cant she stand me?' After a year or two it was 'why dosent she love me back?' Seriously Lily, you should have given in sooner, it would have saved me some really valuable time. Anyway, it became a nightly thing for James, and soon we could quote him on everything he thought about Lily. My favorite was one I heard in his sleep back in sixth year-"

"Sirius dont you dare!" James yelled. More laughter.

"Yes I dare. How did it go? Oh yes- 'I love her hair. She smells like cinnamon. Do they carry Lily's scent in a bottle? They should.'" Sirius's barked out a laughter with the rest of the room.

Lily leaned over to James. "Why do you need a bottle honey? You have me now." James blushed and whispered back "I didnt used to."

"The one thing that stuck me as odd in that sentance is how, then, did James know what Lily smelled like? She usualy never let him within five feet of her. But oh well. So when finaly, James and Lily hooked up, I almost had a party. No more listening to James talk about her, because he could go talk to her about her. Now James finaly got his wish and marryed Lily, I got my wish and embarassed him at his own wedding, and we can all live happily ever after. To the Bride and Groom!" Sirius yelled, holding up his glass, then chugging it all in one sip as the rest of teh room chanted "To the Bride and Groom."

Then a moment later, a chilling voice said "To the Bride and Groom." James looked up and saw Voldemort standing in the back of the room, holdign a wine glass. He dropped it on the floor without drinking any and the room was silent so that the erie sound of breaking glass seemed magnified. Suddenly everyone was screaming as a number of Death Eaters walked through the door, sending spell after spell at everyone. Aurors and some peopel who werent, where whipping oput their wandss and starting duels everywhere. James Grabbed Lily and tried to make her run but her dress was too tight around the legs to allow running capeabilities. Lily thought abut it for a minute and then grabbed her wand and pointed it at a spot around two inches above her knee. "Difindo!" SHe cried and the whole part of her dress under her knees fell to the floor around her ancles. he r beautiful dress was runied but it didnt matter. "Come on!" Lily cried, grabbing James' hand as he stared blankly at the piece of the dress.

He nodded and they ran , starting their own duels. This was never supposed to happen..

"Hello Potter. I've been trying to find you for some time." a cool voice from behind James said. "Avada Kedavra!"


	8. Lips of Betrayel

_Then a moment later, a chilling voice said "To the Bride and Groom." James looked up and saw Voldemort standing in the back of the room, holdign a wine glass. He dropped it on the floor without drinking any and the room was silent so that the erie sound of breaking glass seemed magnified. Suddenly everyone was screaming as a number of Death Eaters walked through the door, sending spell after spell at everyone. Aurors and some peopel who werent, where whipping oput their wandss and starting duels everywhere. James Grabbed Lily and tried to make her run but her dress was too tight around the legs to allow running capeabilities. Lily thought abut it for a minute and then grabbed her wand and pointed it at a spot around two inches above her knee. "Difindo!" SHe cried and the whole part of her dress under her knees fell to the floor around her ancles. he r beautiful dress was runied but it didnt matter. "Come on!" Lily cried, grabbing James' hand as he stared blankly at the piece of the dress. ___

_He nodded and they ran , starting their own duels. This was never supposed to happen.. ___

_"Hello Potter. I've been trying to find you for some time." a cool voice from behind James said. "Avada Kedavra!"_

"JAMES!" Lily cried to his left.

The world moved in slow motion. James turned around to see Voldermort flicking his wand and mouthing something, a spell aimed right for him. But at the same time to his left, he heard her voice.

"INPENDIMENTA!" She cried, pointing her wand at Voldemort, and the minute he said the 'a' of Avada Kedavra, her curse hit his side and he moved over a fraction of an inch, and the spell missed James by a fraction of an inch.

Its funny howyour body makes you believe things. James thought he was going to die. She when that spell came whizzing by, he heard a soul shakign thing. It sounded like death. It sounded like the millions of people who have died before him, whispering in the get of green, egging him on to the after life, to heaved. So James really believed he had died. HIs heart had surely stopped and for a second he stood there, wondering why he wasnt in heaven yet.

Well then it hit him. He wasnt dead. Lily had saved him.

Voldemort was slightly shocked and it gave James enough time to get to his feet and pull ou this wand. By now there were six aurors, fear painted on their faces, with their wands pointed at Voldemort. Most of the Death Eaters were being captured. The only ones that seemed to be okay was Bellatriz Lestrange, her husband Rodolpus, and

Severus Snape.

James immedeately began dueling with Voldemort, different colorst flying from many different wands at one wizard, and tehre seemed to be the same about flying back. James now fully understood this wizard's potential.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*

Lily joined in the duel quickly, her heart still racing from almost witnessing her new husbands death. So much for the wedding of her dreams. This felt like something out of a nightmare. She saw that there were three Death Eaters still fighting. Her stomach turned when she realized that one was Severus Snape. Death Eater of not, they had still been childhood friends, he had showed her the wonderful world she was now living in, and it made her sad that he had chosen this. Chosen to work for a man, that without guilt, would kill him on the spot. What kind of person would plege their allience to a man that would kill him without flinching?

Then she saw Severus blast Alice into a wall, she looked at Alice laying on the floor, unmoving, and she got angery. Lily ran away from the fight and pointed her wand at Snape. He had been heading for his master, in attempt to help him fight off the Aurors.  
Severus stopped. "Sev, please dont do this. Please." She begged. She looked into his eyes and saw too many emotons.

Love

Hate

Confusion

Jealosy

And too many to identify. "I dont want to hurt you Lily," He said slowly. "But if it is what it takes then I will." Lily was hurt. Then he remembered why she stopped dating him in the first place. He had hurt her. What he was telling her he would do without guilt now.

Then she thought about it. "Sev," She said usign his old nickname, "Would you hurt me? Really? Do you think it comes as a suprise to me? After you hit me, called me mudblood, and now you destroy my wedding? Why are you doing this to me Sev? Do you awnt me to match your pain? Your pain over your childhood? Your pain over losing me? Well that was your fault. I was nice you! i was friends with you even though you were in Slytherin and I was the one taunted for it. Everyone asked my why I even botherd. I told them that I knew there was good in you. But now I dont know how I could have believed such things."

She was suprised at the amount of emotion on his face, and realized that there was a tear running down her cheek. "I'm sorry Lily." Snape said stood like that, staring at each other for a while, the noises in the backround not mattering. Then Snape suddenly moved. He walked towards Lily with such a detirmination that she was shocked.

She was even more shocked when she found his lips crushing hers.

She wanted to hit herself for actualy likeing it. She kissed him back for a second befoe she realized that there were too many problems with this. She was James' wife. Snape had hurt her. And she was in a room where Voldemort was dueling. And she felt guilty. For all she knew her husband could be dead and here she was, kissing his shool enemy, and her ex-boyfriend. She pulled away and shook her head, tears now running silently down her face. Snape looked down at her, his eyes full of passion and regret.

"Sorry," He said so quietly she could have sworn she imagined it. Then his eyes flashed with anger, looking over Lily's shoulder.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Finally, James thought, Voldemort seemed to be weakening. Then out of no where Dumbledore shot into the room, sendin three rapid jinxes at Voldemort. He seemed to freeze in place, but then shook himself out of it and turned his attention to Albus. James, relieved of the rapid dueling, at least momentairaly, looked around for his wife.

What he saw made him angery. That slimy no good arse.

James watched as Lily stood there, talking in Snape, her wand pointing at him, though it was slightly slack in her arm. Her back was to James and he saw Snape whisper something and then he wakled fast to Lily and kissed her. He fucking kissed her! James started to run to them, he was rady to kill Snape. When Snape pulled away and looked over Lily's shoulder, he looked right at James.

Lily turned around to see her husband runnning at the two, James saw the tears runnign down her eyes. She wasnt sobbing, they were just,

Silent Tears.

James wanted to comfert her, to tell her it wasnt her fault, but first he had to establish to Severus that she was his now, as he had told him onver a year ago in teh hospital wing.

"Potter," He sneered.

"Snape, what the bloody hell do you think your doing?!" James cried. HE didnt seem to know what to say to that so he aimed a hex at James.

"James!" Lily cried. He dodged it and sent one back at Snape. "Sev-" But Lily stopped. what was in her back? There was terrible pressure in her back. It hurt. Lily's eyes started to water. Noises were fading to her. She still heard the screams. She looked down and saw a blood spot on her stomach. What was going on?

"CRUCIO!" A voice yelled.

It was too much.

What ever had happened to her made the last thing she heard, or would hear for a while, was a desperate voice screaming for her. THe curse was lifted and instantly someone picked her up...

But...

She was looking _down_ on someone pick her up.

James was sobbing over her dead corpse.

Snape was looking mad at the person who had killed Lily, but happy in James's joy.

Lily was looking _down_ on all this.

That was weird.

She realized that she didnt feel pain anymore.

She didnt feel enything exactly.

Except a dull thud of love for James in her chest.

Then she realized, if she was dead, either James would kill himself to be with her, or she would have to come back. SHe didnt want James to kill himself, but thats exactly what he would do. She knew she would have atleast have the thought.

The ghost, or what ever, Lily closed her eyes and concentraited on returning to her body. She obviously had never done this before. And this was the best she could think of.

THen the pain was back, and she was only slightly concious for a second.

"Lily..." she heard James whisper out of relief.

Then Lily Potter slipped into the blissful black of unconciousness.


	9. Stuck in Memories

"She came back for you James. We were all there. We all saw that she was dead. But she came back. Don't blame yourself for this, because, knowing Lily, if she was mad at you, she wouldn't have bothered." Alice said sternly to James Potter.  
Half the wedding reception was sitting in the lobby of St. Mungos. They were waiting on information on Lily Potter.

"I was too busy fighting with S-Snape. I didn't even see Dolohov. She's going to blame me." James sobbed.

"Did you honestly listen to one word I just said?" Alice said incredulously.

"James Potter?" came a sweet voice from the corner of the room.

James immediately stood. The old lady gestured to him to fallow her down the hall.

James wasted no time, and the Healer seemed to pick up on his haste, so she walked a bit faster, but stopped outside a door. "I should explain to you the condition she's in…" He hesitated but nodded. "Lily was hit with two dark curses in quick succession. The first was a puncture curse, which drives through your body. But luckily for her, she was hit in the lower back so no major organs were hit except for…well she's missing an ovary."

James stared at the Healer for a second. "So that means…"

"It'll be hard for her to conceive a child. But it is still possible."

"What else?" James asked, impatient to see his wife.

"Well…that's a hard curse to heal in itself. We did what we could to stop the bleeding, but the puncture will have to heal the old fashion way. And I'm afraid that the cruciatis curse made it ten times worse." The Healer paused and sucked in a breath. "Your wife is in a coma. And probably will be for a month, minimum."

Lily Potters breathing was so even and precise it had to be held steady by magic.  
Lily Potters heartbeat was so even and precise it had to be held steady by magic.  
Lily Potters brain was experiencing that myth, that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes. But her life wasn't worth flashing up until a year ago. In her coma, Lily Potter was reliving the best year of her life.

_**"There she goes girl I'm in love with. It's cool we're just friends. We walk the halls of school. But I know I know it's casual. It's cool we're just… **__**  
**__**I don't wanna to lead you on. But the truth is I've grown fond…" **_  
Lily Evans traced the purple bruise with her finger. Yesterday had been hell. Severus was still trying to apologize, but what for? She had already given him a second chance, why did he deserve a third?

In truth, Lily didn't know what to feel.

She hated him.

Hated him with a passion.

Yes. She was positively sure of that. But that wasn't what she was unsure about.  
How do you cope with being physically and emotionally abused? She felt terrible. Violated. Everyone asked her what was wrong but she would whisper nothing and walk away.

Alyssa was the only one that knew. And that was purely chance, as she had seen it.

She only mentioned it once.

Lily's bruise was from falling on top of an inkwell. Her arm had slammed into it, full force. It was in the shape of a house. It was strange…but it reminded her of her childhood house.

Lily laid back onto the grass and cried some more. To add to her even more confusion, she didn't know what to make of what James had told her, about loving her. He was such an arrogant prat, and she was to believe that he loved her?

The emotions in her were hateful. And every time she saw Snape or Potter, she lowered her head and the tears came some more. She probably owed Potter her life…but she didn't want to believe that.

Lily stood up and made her way back to the school. She had a Heads meeting with Dumbledore soon.

"Oi! Potter! You prat, you have a Heads meeting in ten minutes!" Alyssa called across the common room. Lily had just walked in, dropped of her stuff and ran back out, not making eye contact with anyone.

James stood up, stretched and walked away from the chess game that was in progress with Sirius. "Moony, can you save my queen please?"

"You saw that!?" Sirius cried.

"Well, you kept looking at it. See you later Pads." James said.

"Hey! I think we should do that thing tonight."

"Yeah. See ya." James said, walking out of the portrait.

James walked to the stone gargoyle where he saw Lily on the ground, leaning her head on the stonewall. She still looked like a mess. She also looked like she had been crying recently. James felt a pang of love and sympathy for her so great; it felt like he would cry just because she did. If only she really knew…

James walked to her and her eyes snapped open. He didn't say anything. He just stretched out a hand. She looked at it for a second and then took it. I felt like a perfect fit to James. He helped her out and turned to the gargoyle.

"Ahh. Miss. Evans, Mr. Potter, please sit down." Dumbledore said when they walked in. Lily knew that everyone in the room was thinking about how emotionally crippled she was, and she flushed with embarrassment. She didn't look Dumbledore in the eyes as she sat in the chintz chair. She had a thumb war with herself.

"So… Lets get strait to business as I'm sure you two would just love to get to dinner." This statement was pointed to directly at James. "Or maybe you just want to go back to your room and get some sleep." Lily looked up for a second and then returned to torturing her left thumb. "I was thinking that as Christmas is in two months, we need to try some thing different this year."

"Great minds think alike Professor. Me and Pad foot-sorry-Sirius-"

"I know your well devised nicknames for each other MR. Potter. I must say, that I agree with Moony's. Suits him."

James laughed. Lily wondered what 'Moony' was about. "Well…we were thinking that we could have a huge party in the Great Hall. Only it wont just be a dance. And teachers cant attend-"

"I will have to object to that one Mr. Potter. We don't want anything unfortunate to happen to our students."

"But we would all have more fun and stuff if adults weren't there. I mean…well, talk about that later. Anyways…it should be semi-formal. Like, not tuxes and full-length dresses and stuff, but maybe knee length dresses and nice pants and dress robes. We could ask special bands like the Weird Sisters to come. There will no be dinner, but candy and stuff. Oh, also, we should have a contest for best dressed."

"You really have this thought out didnt you?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yep." James replied.

"And I'm sure you'll add something illegal to it that I wont possibly find any evidence to  
say you and your friends did it?"

"Absolutely." James said proudly.

Lily thought he was insane, admitting something like that to the Headmaster but-" Well, between you, me, and Miss. Evans, I have always thought that your pranks were either well deserved, or very humorous."

"Thanks!" James said gleely.

"Very well. I like your idea, and I will announce it before the Halloween Hogsmede because we all know how women are with shopping."

Lily got away from James as fast as she could before he could ask her to go to the Christmas Dance with him. As heads it was their job to organize this kind of thing. And usually Lily would have already been planning inside her head. But as of now, her head was full of a strange buzzing noise.

That week slipped by the same as the day after her 'incident.' All the teachers knew. Of coarse they did. She wasn't doing her homework. Hadn't even tried. So unlike her. She felt the eyes of two people burning into her head on the third day of lessons. It bothered her so much that she skipped the rest of that day and half the next. None of the teachers seemed to object.

But Lily always knew when James was around her. She always got this funny feeling in her stomach. And by lunch the second week, he was sitting three seats closer to her then normal.

Three weeks after the incident, Lily hadn't cried for atleast three days. She was holding it in. Trying to get over it, and grow up. IT was a saterday morning, breakfast at the Great Hall, when none other then James Potter sat down next to her.

James bent is head forward to look at her hidden face. She had tear-stained cheeks and it made his heart hurt with sadness and pity. She had been so miserable lately. He gently wiped the singer tear that was rolling down her face away. "Lily, you can talk to me." He said gently.

That was it. He didn't ask her out, he didn't press the issue, he just said one simple sentence that made her heart flutter. He sat there looking at her for a couple of minutes. Then he got up to leave. "Don't," She said quietly. He sat down again.

"Okay…" He said. As the hall started to file out, there were only twenty students and Flitwick left, she finally said something.

"I-I just feel…" She said quietly, unable to express herself.

"I know. But Lily, I really did mean what I said..." He said quietly. Lily didn't need to ask what he meant. It brought more tears to her eyes and he wiped them away too. Finally they were the last students left in the great hall. Lily didn't know why. After all those years of rejecting James Potter, she found herself attracted to him. She saw the sweeter side. The side that cared and loved. Cared and loved for only her. She threw herself on him, giving him a hug.

"Thank you James…" She said quietly.

"No problem…I'll always be here…" He whispered in her ear. It sent chills down her back. She was hugging James Potter, and it made her feel happier then anything else…

After that day, she and James were closer, and Lily was noticeably getting better. She wasn't in love with James Potter. That was what she kept telling herself. But how much longer could she lie to herself.

Sometimes, in order to love something, we have to hate it first. It happens a lot to Lily. She heard this song once. Smile by Lily Allen. She hated that song. She thought it was stupid and pointless.

Then she found out that her boyfriend had been cheating on her over the summer. She went out and bought the CD at a local Muggle store, went home, stuck it in her Cd player and hit repeat for that song. She played it for three hours strait. Thinking about the type of revenge she would get on her boyfriend when she went back to school. She still loves the song.

This was the same situation. Once she read into James a little more, and a little more, she realized what he really was. And she loved him. She realized that now, as she sat on the grass doing her homework. She turned around when she felt his gaze on her back.

"Have you been watching me this whole time?"

"Well, I didn't want to disturb your private time with your homework so I just didn't say anything." He said, smiling and sitting next to her.

"Oh how nice of you!" She said in mock appreciation. After a moments silence, he spoke once more.

"I like watching you work." He admitted quietly.

"Really?" She asked. She was now more comfortable with James then her best friends. She was beginning to see why everyone like d him so much. She felt bad she hadn't given him a chance.

"Well," He said with a guilty laugh, "I like watching you…period!"  
Lily gave a small smile and said quietly, "James, I don't know what I would have done without you…"

"Your strong Lily, you would have moved on. You were the one who saved me…" He said quietly. Lily looked up into his beautiful hazel eyes. "I haven't loved anyone but you. I tried to date other girls but I just kept seeing your face. I would wait my whole life for you if it came down to it…." He said quietly.

Suddenly Lily realized that their legs were touching. She felt a burning sensation running up her legs. The closeness exhilarated her, and he seemed to feel it too, because he gently placed one hand on the side of her head. It felt right to have his soft, seekers hands on her head. His eyes sparkled with love as he leaned in and gently kissed her, but he drew back. "Sorry…" He said quietly.

Lily placed one hand on his lips. "Don't be," She said and they kissed again.

They walked back into the castle that night holding hands. IT felt good. Lily was so thankful for him. He saved her from Snape, and from herself. She leaned her head on his shoulder and she felt him suck in a breath. They walked into the Great Hall. Heads turned and the whispering began. But they really didn't care. Lily saw Dumbledore beaming at them and she smiled back.

They sat down at Gryffendor table and all her friends looked at her incredulously. She, Lily Evans, who had rejected James Potter countless times, had finally given in.

"PRONGS!" Sirius yelled from behind. Lily felt an arm drape across her shoulder and soon Sirius's face appeared between hers and James's.

"Told you you would get her James. Never doubted."

Lily smirked and turned to Sirius and smiled. "Maybe I like you better."

"Really?" He asked, surprised.

"wanna know?" Lily asked, leaning in close to Sirius's ear. He nodded. James looked like he didn tknow what was happening.

Lily opened Sirius's shirt, and everyone looked at her like she was crazy. But she took her ice, cold, pumpkin juice and emptied it down his shirt.

"That's what you get for being cocky to me all these years." Lily said over a roar of applause and laughter.

Sirius magic dried himself off and laughed at Lily. "Do you have a mulit-personality disorder?"

A/N: Sorry if chapter 7 was short, but I needed to get to the point.  
Any way, I decided that I left out too much of their seventh year sitting in Algebra during a test today (I know, focus on the test right…) SO I came up with this and went back and edited the 7th chapter. Sorry for the long wait too. I was having a writers block and this was all I could come up with. Tell me what you think.


	10. Sirius the Dog

"Lily Evans and James Potter?"

"I thought she hated him?"

"W-why!? I wanted to marry him!"

Lily laughed at the girl she had just walked by. She was bawling. James hadn't promised anyone anything. She was feeling happier then anytime before in just an hour. James was still laughing at what she had done to Sirius at dinner on their way back to the Common Room.

James, Lily, and Sirius passed tons of girls giving Lily loathing looks. James was completely oblivious and seemed to be on top of the world.

The one thing that Lily realized though is that she would have to get used to his shifting personality. He was caring and a totally different person when she and James were alone together. But around Sirius or the rest of the school, he was the same idiotic, arrogant prat. Only now, Lily found it strangely attractive instead of bothersome.

"So Lily," Sirius said, skipping like an idiot. He ran over and hooked his arm through James's and they started to skip in a circle while going foreword. Lily laughed. She was feeling extremely light and didn't even feel like telling them off for being potentially dangerous to everyone's health.

"Yes Sirius?"

"What did the love potion taste like?"

James stopped and pushed Sirius on the floor." Lily sucked in a breath because she thought she was about to witness a fight between two best friends and the hottest guys in the school. All the girls would just be hoping for someone to lose some clothing.

But that wasn't the case.

"Aww, Pads, you know I prefer to add peppermint. Why ask?" James teased with his wand in Sirius's throat.

"I should know after I accidentally drank the one you so cleverly made for Lily in our third year."

"What?!" Lily asked, unbelieving.

"It was a dare, and it never got to you because this git drank it. By the way, have to tell you that story some day."

Lily laughed. "You mean that in third year, Sirius drank a love potion that made him fall in love with you?" Lily asked, putting air quotes around love. She was laughing now.

"Yeah." James's face darkened. "I woke up to him making out with me…"

Lily was laughing hysterically now.

"OI!" I told you not to tell anyone about that!"

"Well, she's one of us now Pads." James said, taking the wand from his throat. Sirius got up and pushed James over.

"Uh…no. We can't add another marauder. The map is already done."

"I don't really want to be a marauder. I'm just fine and content to sit back and watch."

"So you're not going to bust us anymore?" Sirius asked, looking excited.

"Well see…" Sirius whooped and hugged Lily, who was having trouble breathing.  
"Hey! Padfoot, paws off, she's mine." Lily blushed a little at being addressed as 'mine'.

"I don't have paws right now!"

James looked like he was panicking. "Watch what you say."

"You said she's one of us now!" Sirius said, backing away, looking confused. Lily was just happy she could breathe again.

"You disagreed to that, and Moony should be the one telling her." They were walking again.

"Am I missing something?" Lily asked, trying to look sweet.

"Absolutely." Sirius said bouncing up and down.

"Fine. Change of topic. Sirius must you act like an idiotic git all the time?"

"Absolutely."

Lily sighed. "Did you suffer from extensive brain injury as a child?" Sirius's face darkened a fraction at the mention of a childhood, but he kept smiling, and kept bouncing up and down.

"Absolutely."

"Are you going to keep answering 'Absolutely'?"

"Absolutely."

James laughed. "Sirius, are you a virgin?"

Sirius hesitated but kept bouncing. "Absolutely."

Lily randomly burst out laughing. "I'll believe that when I s- well, actually, I really don't want to see anything at all."

James laughed at this.

"Do you have a small d-"

"James!" Lily cried. "That is so crude!"

"Absolutely."

"Was that to my question or Lily's remark?"

"Absolutely."

They were now watching Sirius bounce up and down in front of a clearly amused Fat  
Lady.

"Okay…was that to James's question?"

"Absolutely."

Lily laughed. Then she grinned. "Did you enjoy making out with James?"

"Absolutely."

"Have you ever slept with him?"

Pause. "Absolutely."

"SIRIUS!" James yelled.

Lily was on the ground, holding her stomach she was laughing so hard.

"So-you-enjoy-doggy-style-Sirius?" Lily asked between laughs.

James and Sirius and the Fat Lady answered at the same time.

James said, "More then you know."

Sirius said, obviously, "Absolutely."

The Fat Lady said, "Alright, enough. Give me the password."

Sirius did so.

"Well, are you two coming?"

Lily started to walk foreword but James caught her arm. "Heads."

Lily looked surprised that he wouldn't let her go in.

He saw her expression and laughed. "I think its time you see your brilliantly decorated Heads room Miss. Evans.

Lily blushed. She had been sleeping in the normal seventh years dorms ever since she had heard that James was a Head. James led her to a portrait she had never seen before on the third floor. In fact, she had never even seen the corridor before.

"We're in the Muggle Studies wing Lily." James replied to her un-asked question.

"How do you do that?" She asked. "I was just about to ask where we were.

"I told you I like watching you right?" Lily nodded. "We'll I've liked watching you for the past seven years. Its not that hard to pick up on your mannerisms."

"I suppose your right." They stood in front of the picture. "Well I'm assuming that this is the door. Are you going to let me in?"

"I changed the password." James had an evil gleam in his eye.

"And…? I care because?"

"Because you don't know how to change it which means your going to have to say it every day."

"Okay…." She was worried now.

"James is sexy."

"James you are so full of your self." Lily said as the door opened.

It was sad that it was November and she felt like this was her first day. She walked into a beautiful common room, which was slightly bigger, then the one for Gryffendor. And this was only for two people. She saw a door on either side of the room. The one of the left said in elegant writing (that looked like hers) Lily M Evans. The one to the write, in slightly scratchy and hurried writing (Lily guessed it to be James's handwriting.) James H Potter.

Lily turned to look at him. "What does H stand for?"

"Harold. Yours is Marie right?"

"I'm not going to ask how you know that." James laughed.

"Second year, Alice screamed your full name down from the girls dormitories. I carved it into my bed post that night…" James's face reddened at what he had just revealed.  
Lily put a hand on his face. "That's sweet."

"Actually, Dumbledore visited me in the dorm last year-"

"Why?"

"A Moony issue. Let him tell you. Anyway, he saw all the carvings and laughed."

"What did he say?" Lily wondered out loud by accident.

"He said…he said that he knew there was something about us. That it would just take you time."

Lily closed her eyes. "He's a smart man. I barely know him and he seems to know me better than myself."

James put his soft hand on her cheek. She opened her eyes. "Do you want to see it?"

"See what?"

"My bed." Lily blushed a little.

"Why?"

"Dumbledore thought that it would be funny if you found them I guess, so he had the House Elves bring it here."

Lily laughed at that. "He's a schemer. Too bad I was never in here."

"So do you want to see it?"

"Yeah…why not?"

James led her into the bedroom. It was so thoroughly 'guy' that Lily felt uncomfortable. But she could smell his scent, and she was surprised to find it appealing to her. There were clothes everywhere. But James looked fine with it and sat on his bed. Lily sat next to him, closest to the headboard. He merely pointed at it.

Lily looked at it and audibly gasped. Everywhere was her name. Sometimes full, sometimes, initials, first name, paired with James, Mr. And Mrs. James Potter, Lily Potter. Everywhere. James leaned over her to the bedside table and pulled something out of the drawer and handed it to her.

This notebook is dedicated to Lily Marie Evans. 4th-7th year.  
It was magically expanded so it looked normal, but the closer you got to the back, the more pages there were. Sometimes there were notes. Sometimes-whole pages about her. Sometimes more doodles. Hearts and what were presumably wedding bells with their initials on them.

"James…"

James moved and sat behind her. She felt him start to run his fingers through her hair. "Yes love?"

"sorry."

He didn't need to know what she was apologizing for. "Lily…I think it was healthy for me."

"But I was so mean. And I called you arrogant and all those foul names when really, you should have been calling them to me."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I deserve it." Lily started to cry. She didn't really know what for. Probably because she was such a horrible person. James soothed her, kissing her head, rubbing her back. Little things that, two months ago, she would have bet the hundred galleons that they weren't possible.

After a few minutes, he turned her to face him. "I've known how I feel about you since first year. Sometimes you have to hate something to love it first."

Lily laughed shakily through her silent tears. "I was just thinking that earlier."

"See? You're not a bad person. So I realized a couple things before you? Instead of helping you see, I did things to try and get your attention, I purposely bothered you just to talk to you. All these years, and I never really tried."

Lily rested her head on his chest. "I was so confused after the…hospital wing. You were so kind. Something I had never seen from you, a marauder, a friend of Sirius Black."

James laughed. "Sirius does what he does for deeper reasons then you'd expect. Maybe someday…positively someday, you'll know."

"All these secrets. There's something about Remus that you're not telling me. But that's okay. I like loyalty. Remus should tell me whatever it is."

James nodded. "Your not mad about the secrets?"

"I'm happy that you're not lying to me. I hate lies."

"Me too."

Silence for a few minutes. "James?"

"Yes?"

"Did you really sleep with Sirius?"

Silence.

"James?"

Silence." Lily stood up. "YOU DIDN'T!"

"Shh…"James said.

Lily was having a fit of silent giggles. "You-slept-with-SIRIUS!"

"Well…don't laugh okay?"

Lily started laughing harder. "Bit-Late-for-that-now."

"Well…we threw a party at my house while my parents were away this summer and we uh…got drunk and…woke up in my bed-need I say the rest? We don't know what happened."

Lily took a few deep breaths. "I can't believe you-" Laughing came back.

James decided that he didn't want to hear it anymore, because out of nowhere, he crushed his lips against hers. Lily was still kind of laughing at first, making the kiss shaky, but soon things warmed up and she had her hand in James's wonderfully soft, black hair.

They broke apart. "Go to bed Lils."

Lily smiled and pranced to her room. "Night James!"

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves. Everybody's nerves. Everybody's nerves. I k now a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes, bum bum bum, I know…"

It wouldn't stop. It just kept repeating. Lily was going mad. She spun around the common room looking for it. She looked behind all the couches, tables…everywhere. Then all of the sudden, the singing stopped. Lily felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. She turned around slowly to see a wand pointed at her. She never saw her attacker. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"AHHHHH!" Lily screamed, sitting up in bed.

There was a loud bang and James came flying in, wand drawn. Lily's chest was heaving, up and down. He looked around. "N-n-nightmare." Lily said shakily. James sighed and lowered his wand.

"Lils! Did you forget what today is?" James asked through her door as she got dressed.

Lily was lost. "Saturday?"

James laughed. "Hogsmede!"

"Okay. So…?"

"Your going with me right?"

"I'm going with Alice."

"Please Lily, please please please please please!?"

"Fine." Lily opened her bedroom door and walked past James to the door. Then she stopped and turned to look at him. "Well? Are you coming?"

"I-I-you…"

"Look up James." Lily snapped. She honestly couldn't tell you how many times she had said that to him.

"Right. Breakfast. Then Hogsmede." He brightened up and walked by Lily out the door, then stopped. "Well? Are you coming?" He asked in a mock Lily voice.

Lily sighed and laughed. "No."

"No?"

"I didn't get my good morning kiss."

"Ask Sirius."

"Eww. He has dog breath."

James laughed. "Sirius is a bloody dog." He had meant it literally, but she thought it  
was a joke.

Lily stood, tapping her foot. "Right. Kiss. How could I forget?"

"Ooohhh! Lilykins is all red. What did you two do last night prongs!?" Sirius asked excitedly, looking between his best mate and his best mates girlfriend.

Lily picked up her pumpkin juice warningly. Sirius smiled.

"That's what I have a wand for Lilykins."

"I have a wand too Sirius." Lily said raising her wand menacingly. "And don't call me Lilykins."

Sirius pretended to be hurt. He put his hand an inch from her face and said in a high voice, "Talk to the hand."

Alice snorted as she as she sat next to Lily. "Who says that anymore? Lily, I need a new vial of facial. I'm breaking out again."

"Ooh, we can go to that place next to the Three Broomsticks!" Lily cried.

"And I think we need to get something for that ball that's coming up."

Lily mentally smacked herself. Duh. Dumbledore had said that he was going to announce it before the first Hogsmede. Well, the first Hogsmede Lily hadn't entirely been…Lily.

"Actually, its not a ball Alice." James interrupted.

Lily looked at him. She had told him she would spend t he day with him too….  
She walked around the side of the table and sat on his lap, a bold move at her expense. There was a lot of whispering. But James didn't seem to mind. He ran hand through her hair. "What do you want?"

"Well…I had forgotten about the dance and you want me to look good right?"

"You always look good."

Lily glared at him.

"Fine. I'll hang with Wormtail today." James pouted.

"Hey! What's wrong with me?" Peter asked. Everyone gave him 'the look'. Famous for when he asks 'what's wrong with me.'

Peter shut up.

Lily leaned over, kissed him right under his ear and whispered, "I'll make it up to you."

He smiled broadly.

"Ha! Lilykins just told him she would-"

Splash.

"Bloody Hell." Sirius mumbled.

It was going to be a perfect day.

"What do you think she's dreaming about Sirius?"

James asked quietly.

Sirius looked at the sleeping Lily. "Anything she wants to dream about."

James stood up and grabbed Lily's hand. It was so cold. He hated to see the bandage around her waist.

"I'm sorry James." Sirius had randomly been saying that sentence over and over again. He looked like he was about to say more.

"Sirius, what are you sorry about?" James asked, looking at his best friend.

Sirius was quiet.

Sirius walked down Diagon Alley. It was full of happy, joyful people. He had to get away from the silent, stifling hospital.

He walked into the Leaky Cauldron and was surprised to find it empty.

"Where is everybody Tom?" Sirius asked, uninterested.

"Quidditch Supply sale."

Sirius merely grunted. "Firewhisky."

He remembered a Muggle song he had heard the other something. _Pour me something tall and strong; make it a hurricane, before I go insane._

He wondered what a hurricane was and decided it sounded good. He took a swig of firewhisky as soon as he got it.

An hour later, he was spilling his guts to Tom.

"Okay Sirius, calm down. So your in love with James's wife?"

Sirius merely nodded.

Then the door opened and Sirius turned to see someone familiar. She had been a Ravenclaw in their year. Chasidy…Chasidy Lithmen. That was her name.

"Sirius Black. Why are you half drunk in the middle of the afternoon?" She asked sternly.

"Oh I think he's fully drunk." Tom huffed. "Anything for you my dear?"

"Pumpkin Juice thanks." She pointed her wand at Sirius and he twitched. But felt a chill go through him.

"I didn't want a bloody sobering spell. I got drunk for a reason Chasidy." Sirius said grumpily.

"I don't like drunk people. And I want to know what's wrong."

Sirius found it strangely easy to talk to her, and soon she knew everything.

"I think what you need to do is look around. Find a new girl, there's someone out there for you. I think that your really just jealous that James has a wife now, someone else for him to hang out with."

Sirius thought about it. "Maybe. But I like Lily…a lot. I just don't know what to do. But maybe your right, maybe its just lust."

Then the topic move from Lily and Sirius's problem. Half an hour later, Sirius had Chasidy in tears from laughter.

"You _told_ Lily you slept with James!?"

"Yep."

"What did James do?"

"What else? He turned red." Sirius laughed.

"I love your laugh." Chasidy said after they had calmed

down. "It sounds like a dog."

Sirius leaned in and whispered into her and whispered in her ear. "Wanna know a secret?"

She nodded.

"I am a dog."

She laughed at that one. "Sirius the Dog."


	11. We All Fall Down

What color were you planning on Lily?" Aice asked.

"I dont know, emerald or a white."

"Emerald would ook stunning on you. But maybe..."

"What! What tell me!"Lily practicaly begged as they made their way down to Hogsmede.

"I cant, James is behind us."

"What about James?" James asked, running next to Lily, instantly grabbing her hand.

Lily smiled. "I cant tell you, or you would probably piss yourself."

"Lily Evans!" Sirius scoffed, running next to James. "I have never, ever heard you use that kind of language before!" He exclaimed in a fake high voice.

"Piss off Black." Lily said, though she was laughing. She put her head happily on James's shoulder. She could eaisily get used to this.

Soon, they were departing from the 'mauruders' and going down to galdrags. It was packed. She and Alice searched for an hour and came up with nothing. Then Lily turned to Alice. "What were you going to say eairler?"

"Oh that. Well I was yanking your chain that James couldnt hear. Though he may make a big deal out of it..." She trailed off.

"What were you thinking Alice?"

"Well...Theres this french catalouge that my mother orders out of, and you can personalize or design your own dresses."

Liyl thought about it. "Price?"

"Well...thats the thing, it'll probably be your whole savings."

"Maybe. If we dont find anything." Lily looked around the shop unhopefuly. ti seemed the dresses were cut in half during their two minute conversation.

Alice read her mind and smiled. "Good luck." Then she jumped and dived for a rack.

"What the- Alice!" Lily cried, feelign very giddy. She fallowed Alice and found her holding a saphire dress against herself and twirling.

"ALice that uttery-"

"GORGEOUS!" She cried. She ran to the counter and paid for it immedeately.

"You arent going to try it on? It looks a bit big."

"Lily, we are witches. I'm sure I could find a spell that sizes clothes.

Lily looked out the shop window to see James, Sirius and Remeus watching them. Lily sighed. "Who are you going with then Alice?"

Alice made a face. "Xenophillius Lovegood. Prat."

"Then why did you agree?"

"Because he's fun to laugh at." Alice said, as they made their way out of the shop.

"Thats not very nice." Lily said, though she was laughing.

They walked out the door. Lily walked over and kissed James quickly. he smiled. Short and sweet. He rana hand through her hair. "So, you want to go to the three borromsticks for a quick drink?" He asked.

Lily nodded and everyone else quickly agreed. The pub was on the otehr side of the villiage, so they passed many students and families. They passed a particularly large residence (for the areaA) that had four children, three girls and a boy, roughly four, holding hands and spinning in a circle, singing a familiar song to Lily.

"Ring around the Rosie,

Pocket full of posies

ashes, ashes,

we all fall down."

Lily laughed as the four children fell to the ground, remembering quite painfully how she qould play that game with Petunia and her cousins. that and Londen Bridge is falling down...

Lily was the only one to have noticed the dancing kids, and soon they were stepping into the pup.

It was, as the shop, packed. They were lucky to have found a booth.

Lily looked around and realized something. "Wheres Peter?" She asked.

The three boys laughed. "He was so excited, poor wormatil." Remus said, taking a sip of butterbeer.

"Wait util he finds out we paid her in a new dress." Sirius said, witha bark of a laugh.

"What-" Lily started but aws cut off by James.

"We paied Alyssa to go on a date with Pete. His first date and he's seventeen..."

Lily didnt really know what to say to that. It was funny, but cruel. There were the type of things that made her frustraited with James. Soemtimes angery. But she didnt have time to say anything about it, because all of the sudden, there were screams erupting from outside the Three Broomsticks.

James and Lily, spontaniously stood, drawing their wands and sprinted out. Lily stopped dead at what she saw.

There, in the sky above the house with the playing kids, was a dark green, the color of the killing curse, skull, with a menacing snake slithering out of the mout. The mere symbol sent chills down her back. It was his mark. It was the mark that death had taken place, it was the Dark Mark.

James stopped, and Lily felt the tears streming down her face as she suddenly sprinted for the house. Surely they wouldnt kill innocent children...right?

She could hear James calling for hier, maybe twenty feet away. He was trying to stop her, but she had to save them if she could.

She reached the house and stopped in horror. There were three Death EAters laughing.

One was surely a womem just by her body shape. But she was also singing.

"Ring around the Rosie." She shot a curse at a third year by the looks of it. "Pocket full of Posies." A curse missed its target, which was the Zonkos joke shop owner, and crashed into the brick a foot from Lily's head. But Lily was too scared at what she was seeing to move, or even flinch.

"Ashes," She set the roof of the house on fire.

"Ashes," She set a random tree on fire.

"We all-" Stunning spell for the Ravenclaw prefect, Chasidy Lithmen. It hit target.

"Fall-" A curse Lily didnt know to someone Lily didnt see,

"Down." The same curse, though pointed to the ground., It sook, and many lost balance and fell. Then more DEath Eaters Apparated.

"Lily!" She heard James call, bringing her back to her senses.

She turned just as he grabbed her arm. "Sirius was hit."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*

James woke up as he heard Lily say something distinctly. "We all fall down." SHe mumbled slowly through her coma. He knew instantly what she was thinking about. His gut clenched with anger as he thought about all the Death Eaters that had gotten off clean. Expecialy-

*~*~*~*~~**~*~*~*~*~~

"Bellatrix Lestrange!" Lily heard Alice yell from behind.

"What?" Lily asked, over all the screaming.

"Its gotta be! She made a personal target for Sirius. And shes graduated last year."

Lily thought about it. It did sound like her.

"Hey!" James yelled, sounding angry. "This isnt a time for gossip unless you want them to finish Sirius up."

Liyl was slapped back into the battle and sprinted after a rushing James. She looked down and saw the body of...the boy that had been with the Girls. Lily felt the tears come back, but she had to keep going. She shot hexes and curses and jinxes at every hooded person she could see. Finaly, they found an unconcious

Sirius under a tree. There were only a few Death Eaters caught by the time it had all ended.

And it had ended pretty fast.

Apparnently, Voldemort had only meant it as a warning, that he was getting stronger.

It had lasted for three minutes tops. But it had felt like an eternity. And as James helped McGonagall get Sirius into a strecher, she couldnt take her eyes off the Dark Mark, hovering ominously in the sky. What was going to happen to them?

Lily sat silently on the floor outside the hospital wing an hour later. James had been pacing the same path for so long that she was for certian that he could dig a hole in teh floor.

Lily realized how much sirius meant to him. He was his brother. She was deeply touched by the amount of emotion and love the two shared, even if they very...very rarely expressed it.

After another hour of restless pacing he sat down next to Lily. "Whats taking so long?" He asked, tiredly.

"I'm sure he's fine James." Lily said soothingly, and quietly. She was stil lin shock from the dead boy. The deaths of the singing children.

James pu ther hand on his and traced random lines slowly on her hand. "Why did you run towards the Dark Mark Lils?"

She paused. "I...when we were walking to the Three Broomsticks, we passed that house. THere were four kids playing ring around the rosey. They killed them James. They killed four innocent humen beings. It makes me think...will my children ever be safe?"

James kissed her palm. "With a mother like you Lily, I doubt they would be anything but safe."

They looked up as the door sto the hospital wing opened, revealing a rather irratable Madam Pomfrey.

James stood up.

"Mr. Potter, I am in no mood to put up with your shinanigans (A/N:haha, fun word. sorry, I interrupted/)"

"What happened to Sirius?" James asked, completely ignoreing the nurses obvious wish that he would go away.

She sighed. "He was hit with a dark curse that burns your insides. But he is fine now and is under the influence of a sleeping draught. Come back in the morning."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"James..."Alice said quietly.

He grunted to acknowledge her. He wouldnt take his eyes off Lily, ready for when she woke up. "James...you need to go home for a while. I'll stay with her."

"No."

"the Healers said that she wont wake up for another three weeks minimum. You arent going to miss much."

"No." He insisted, this time looking at her. "She might wake up. She's amazing. She could defy what the bloody healers said."

Alice sighed and sat on the end of Lily's hospital bed. "you are still in your dress robes from your wedding. At least go home and take a shower. Pack a bag of fresh clothes. It'll only take you an hour. I promise that if anything happens within that infintestimal hour, I'll floo you."

After thinking about it for a minute, he stood up and rather painfully, left Lily's room.

It wasnt like she was goign to wake up. James knew that, no matter what he tried to tell himself. But he felt connected to her when they were in that room. When they were close. It was different then anythign he had ever felt. Adn he knew what she was feeling. THough seh wasnt supposed to be feeling anythign, emotionaly or physicaly, under spells that the Healers had placed. He felt it. He felt her moods going from happy, to annyoed, angry and scared. And it scared James. What was she scared about?

James was soon home. It was supposed to be their home. He felt rather alone, with Lily not beside him. He rushed upstairs to take a shower. He was supprised to see how much dirt washed off him and from his hair. He must have looked terrible. He scrubbed his hair and stood in the steaming hot water for a while. it felt great.

He slipped into fantasies about where he and Lily should be...

The west coast of France for their honeymoon. What they should be doing...

James suddenly jumped. He felt a strange surge of love. IT was deffinately odd. He got out quickly and got dressed...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James and Lily walked away from the hospital wing, JAmes was consiferably more happy. It seemed he wasnt as concerned. She heard him mutter under his breath, "Moony's been worse."

Again with the continual refrences to Remus. There was deffinately something goign on there.

They were walking down to dinner when they passes a group of sixth year slytherins.

"Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down."

Lily was suddenly pointing her wand at the group. They looked at her and laughed.

"Going to do soemthing about it mudblood?" The only girl, blonde and familiar, sneered. "Going to show us just how much talent you dont have?"

Lily sneered at them, and raised her wand, but James pushed it down.

"You better watch who you are talking to Black." It was Narcissa Black.

"I dont have to. She's just a mudblood, nothing."

"Lily is more then nothing, and she has more talent then you could ever fit into the tip of your pinky finger. If I ever hear you call her a m- that word again, I'll hex you into oblivion!" James grabbed Lily's arm and led her on to the Great Hall.

"You better watch your back Potter!" Narcissa yelled after them. "Mark my words, your on the top of the dark Lords list!"

But they didnt care whose list they were or werent on. Lily hugged James, feeling a strong surge of love for him.


	12. Confronting Remus and Planning a Dance

"Lily!" Alice yelled, banging on the door of the Heads dormitory. Lily sighed and walked over to it in her short pajama shorts and tank top. James was out with Sirius doing god knows what. Lily was reluctant to hear about it when he got back. So they had the dormitory to themselves, at least for a while.

Lily opened the door and Alice came running in with a magazine tucked under her arm. "Lily! The dance is next Saturday and you still haven't ordered your dress!"

Lily froze in horror, as she watched Alice prance over to the sofa and spread open the magazine and tear off an order form that was squeaking '_want the perfect dress? Design it and send it in, we'll make it for you_!' over and over.

"Silencio." Lily snapped, pointing her wand at it irritably. "How did I forget that? We had the planning meeting last night!" she cried almost hysterically.

"Well, as long as we get it sent in tonight, we should have it by next Friday." She sighed and pulled out a foot long roll of parchment and a quill. "What did you have in mind?"

So for the next hour they talked out plans for the dress and shoes, and Lily found that she had the perfect jewelry to go with it.

*~*~*~*~*~*

James looked down at his ghostly pale wife. Her red hair fanned out behind her, her lips white, almost as white as her face. The room had too much white. White walls, bed, sheets, doors, and equipment. Now his wife was almost blending. The only improvement that the healers could find from the past five days was that her breathing was more regulated and normal.

James was fatigued with hunger and sleep-deprivation. But he couldn't find it in himself to leave her bedside. He knew that he would pay when she woke up. He couldn't bring himself to think _if _she woke up.

Sirius, Remus, Alice and Chasidy were now regular visitors. He couldn't help but notice that Sirius and Chasidy were getting friendly. Good for Sirius. He looked out the window that was spelled so that it always looked sunny outside. No doubt to cheer up the patients. James let go of Lily's death cold hand to stand up and stretch as someone walked in.

"Ah. James, so sorry that we had to meet here, under theses circumstances, but as I say, this was very important."

James looked at the letter he had received that morning laying on the bedside table.

"What was so important Professor?" James asked, looking over at Dumbledore. The letter had only said that he had some bad news, mainly good.  
"Well, first off, may I ask how Miss.- Mrs. Potter is doing?" he asked, correcting his mistake.

James smiled at hearing her addressed like that, but it didn't even come close to reaching his eyes. "her breathing is more regulated, which they say cut her coma time to about three weeks instead of four."

"But naturally you would rather that she woke up now?" Dumbledore asked quietly, staring at Lily with a sad look in his eyes. "But you mustn't let all this get to you James. Live as you would, because it is what he wants. He wants to spread anger, discord. Only if no one has any faith or will to do what is right anymore, then he will have truly won."  
James nodded silently. "Bad news first then? Well…James I'm sorry to report that Lily's friend Alyssa and her family were killed yesterday evening." James's head snapped up to his headmaster.

"And how exactly am I supposed to tell Lily? Sorry, but when you were in a coma, our house was being looked at by a couple death eaters and, oh yeah, Alyssa was killed?" he said a little harshly.

Dumbledore looked sympathetic. "I would wait until she is well enough to come out of  
St. Mungos. But while you brought up the subject of Death Eaters, it is reported that it had indeed been Mulciber in front of your house. He is captured and currently in Azkaban for the assist in the murder of Alyssa's family, and while under interrogation, I thought to ask him about your house and he admitted it had been him, though he seemed pretty smug that he had broken through your enchantments."

"Any more good news?" James asked.

"Yes. It seems that Molly Weasley just gave birth. Twins I believe." He said with a twinkle in his eye. "New life does seem to make people happier I think."  
James nodded, feeling good for Molly and Arthur, who he only knew through Fabian and Gildeon Prewett. He had only met Molly and Arthur once, but they were very nice people, and rumor has it- "Did Molly have a girl yet? I heard that she wants one pretty bad."

Albus shook his head. "I'm afraid she was doomed when she married Arthur. Hasn't been a female Weasley in almost two centuries."

*~*~*~*~*~*

Alice rolled up the final product, with a smile on her face. "This'll look awesome on you Lily." She sighed. "Come on, we need to bring this to the owlery."

It was only five in the evening, so there were a lot of people going to and from the grounds, weather for snowball fights, or to dry off after having a particularly nasty one. It wasn't until they rounded a corner when they heard shouting voices. That reached their ears first, but soon a sight that startled everyone met their eyes.

James had Sirius backed onto a wall, his fists clenching sections of Sirius's shirt, and Sirius looked horrified at something. Maybe the fact that his best friend had him against a wall, or maybe the reason he was there.

Lily gasped, too shocked to intervene. But she couldn't hear what they were yelling. Only something really big could cause a fight between them. They were best friends, brothers, and no one in living memory could remember them fighting…at least in public.

Lily and Alice moved foreword slowly, and soon they were at the front of the group of students who had gathered.

"You're such an idiot Sirius Black!" James was saying madly.

"I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking!" Sirius replied in a low hoarse voice, due to the fact that James had his hand around his throat now.

"That," James said, "was obvious. You better hope to god he didn't take you seriously. Do you realize how much trouble this is going to cause Remus?" James snapped.

Sirius looked even more horrified. "James I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize to me. Have fun talking to Remus about this. You know he feels bad enough as is." And with that, James swept away, looking murderous. Lily's brain kicked into gear and she ran after him.

"James!" she called,

"What!?" He snapped angrily turning around to face her. She was shocked and slightly hurt at his tone. His face instantly softened. "Lily, sorry." He said quickly.

She walked over to him carefully. "Is everything okay James? You and Sirius never fight." She said tentively.

"He's just crossed the line from funny stupid to life-threatening stupid. Now all I can do is wait and hope he doesn't show up-"

"Who?" Lily cut off.

James looked pained. "I'm sorry Lily. I can't tell you. Remus should." She nodded acceptingly. "I really am I sorry I can't tell you Lils. I hate secrets."

"No, its okay. Really. I'll ask Remus about it tomorrow." She said. He looked at her for a second then leaned down and kissed her gently. She kissed him back happily. Then he pulled away and took her hand. They started walking towards the Great Hall. Lily realized it was time for dinner.

"So what did you do today?" he asked, as if he hadn't just yelled at Sirius and pretty much told her that Remus had a huge secret.

"Shi-I completely forgot to-oh well, I'll do it after dinner." She laughed at the look on James's face, on of complete confusement and humor.

"Sorry, I don't speak the female language. Could you translate?" Lily laughed at him.

"Me and Alice designed my dress today. You send the design in, they make it and you pay when it gets…here." Lily's face fell as she pulled out the order form. She scanned it, and felt her heart drop. "I can't afford it." Her arm fell to her side, and she dropped the paper, but James snatched it.

Lily watched his eyes dart. "This is a French magazine." He said.

"I know."

James started to beam. "I think my mum knows the owner."

"Now that's great James," Lily said, "But that doesn't help my money situation."

"I'll pay for it. _And_ get a discount to ease your guilt." He said as he watched the expression on her face.

"I couldn't let you do that James. I'll just have to go back to Hogsmede some how and get one off the rack-"

"Now I cant have that." James said, stopping her by placing both hands on her shoulders. "Listen to me Lily. I _want _to buy this for you. And you know me. I won't stop till you give in. So either you can refuse to let me buy this for you and I steal the order form later and send it in, or you just let me give you the money when it comes in."

Sensing defeat, Lily wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Fine."

"Good." James said, as they walked into the Great Hall. Lily noticed that Sirius was sitting with Peter, talking in a low voice, and Remus wasn't even there. By silent agreement, they sat as far from Sirius as they could, and instead, James was suddenly wishing there was a lot less estrogen. But it made it a lot better that Lily was feeling particularly romantic and touchy-feely. He returned the gestures happily, but had to tone it down when he made her jump and spill her pumpkin juice everywhere.

It was with the utmost regret that they stood up to leave. "Listen Lils. I wont be in for a while. Remus, you know."

She nodded. "Do what you gotta do James." She leaned in and gave him a lingering kiss. "Just keep the monsters down to a minimum, yes?" she asked, as she walked away. She missed the shocked looked she was receiving from her boyfriend, and had no clue how close she was.

That night was boring. She had all her homework finished, changed into a tee and underwear, and was soon watching the grounds. The whomping Willow was particularly violent tonight, and she could have sworn that she had seen two running figures, but couldn't be sure.

She sat down and continued to read Pride and Prejudice, which she was seeing similarities in her and James' relationship.

At first she had thought that James was arrogant and Proud, as did Elizabeth with Darcy. Now, Lily realizes, that behind the immature two year old, that there is actually someone kind, caring, and…perfect.

She sighed and fell asleep on the couch, fantasies of her boyfriend in her head….

*~*~*~*~*~*

Day seven. A week. James needed to shave, to eat, change his clothes. The healers were now expressing their concern that unless he started to take care of himself, he would find himself one floor below, unable to see his wife.

While that should have given him incentive to eat, it only made him want to be with her more, the thought of leaving her side was just too terrible.

James gripped her hand and looked into her eyes.

_He looked into her eyes_.

"Lily!" James jumped and moved closer to her, tears streaming down his face. "Lily! Come one baby." He cried desperately. Her face was blank and expressionless, and she could have passed for sleeping with her eyes open. She looked completely helpless.

Her mouth moved, as if to say something, but all she could do was stare helplessly. Her eyes moved quickly around the room and her eyes widened at her surroundings. Her hands clenched, squeezing his, and she met her husband's gaze quickly and mouthed something.

_I love you. _

"Oh bloody hell Lily." She heard someone moan through her dreams. "Come one, don't do this to me." The person said, and she felt herself being lifted onto something soft and covered with a blanket.

It was relatively warm in the room she was in, so she wondered why she needed a blanket. She opened her eyes and saw James looking at her, looking exhausted, but exhilarated, with a strange look in his eye.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" he asked, plopping onto the floor and leaning against the couch. Lily glanced at the clock and saw that it was six thirty in the morning. She kissed the top of his head, still too groggy to form any words. "I come in here, and your spread eagle on the floor, wearing nothing but a T-Shirt and underwear. Honestly Lily, its hard enough when you're wearing _normal _clothes."

And the reason for the blanket came to her, and she started to giggle. "Oh Mr. Potter, how would you react to a _bathing suit_?" she said, still giggling.

He turned to face her. "Lily Evans, you will be the death of me." Then he crushed his lips with hers. Despite the earliness of the morning, a simple spark of passion turned into a roaring fire, and the kiss became deeper then intended, though it wasn't regretted. Lily didn't remember how it happened, but James was soon strattling her on the couch, kissing her neck. Lily took his head and turned it so that she could gain access to his lips. Suddenly he pulled back. They were both breathing hard, and the realization of what they were so close to doing hit her full force, as she realized that James had his hand under her shirt, resting on her stomach just below her bra.

He saw it at the same time, withdrew it, and stood up. "Sorry." He said quickly. "Its only been a month and a half I-we're not ready." He said shakily.

Lily stood up and wrapped her arms around his heaving chest. "It happens James. Don't feel bad. It was me, just as much as you."

*~*~*~*~*

"Lily! _Lily!_ LILY!" James yelled as her eyes started to droop. Her grip was slackening.  
"Mr. Potter!" he heard someone from the end of the hall. "Really, get some sleep. She's not going to wake up because you're yelling at her." The pudgy lady waddled in and headed for Lily's bed.

"She was just awake!" James said, half hysterically. "Lily…."

The Healer was surprised at this news and started working on Lily faster. James couldn't make heads or tails of what she was doing, but two minutes later, she straitened up, beaming. "Mr. Potter, I'm pleased to tell you that you might not have to wait as long for your honeymoon. I think people my have held this from you. But I think it safe to tell you. We can't administer potions, or heal the wound by magic because of the curse. It won't allow her to obtain the treatment. Until she wakes up, all we can do is let the wound heal naturally and give her potions for the pain. The fact that she is fighting to wake up is very, _very_ good."

James was ecstatic at the news, but angry that no one had told him about his wife's condition. But the happiness was overshadowing the anger. "Oh my god."

"I dare say, that you helped her along a bit." She eyes James critically. "But you may want to brush up on your hygiene. An hour away won't make a difference." With that she swept from the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Sunday went by smoothly. Though James and Lily were sharing more looks then usual. This new insight to how deep their passion really ran was unnerving, yet exhilarating. They decided to spend the day in the Gryffendor common room. Sirius still not showing his face, Remus trudging in around one in the afternoon.

Lily saw him exchange a gruff glance with James, who stood up, and together, by silent agreement, went up to the boy's dormitories.

Confused, but knowing that they were going to talk to Sirius, Lily turned to talk with Alice and Alyssa about her dress. Fifteen minutes later, a relieved Sirius came down, fallowed by two particularly red-faced boys. Sirius had learned his lesson.

Lily jumped up. "Remus!" she called. He stopped, and Lily gave James a look that he understood and nodded. Lily led Remus to the corner. "Remus, James wont tell me. Where do you really go with James, Peter and Sirius? Why are you always sick?" she asked him quietly.

Remus looked down and played with a hole at the bottom of his shirt. "Fifteen years ago, my parents refused to help Voldemort obtain something. They wont tell me what. It was a nasty business. I was just barely two years old. Their pride and joy. Now I'm nothing but a nuisance to them." He said bitterly.

"Remus I don't-" he held his hands up and she was quiet.

"Have you ever heard of Fenrir Grayback?" He asked quietly. Lily's eyes widened with shock. Both of her hands when over her mouth as it had dropped in a big 'O'. Remus looked hurt. "I would understand if you refused to go near me. Or even if you complained about me to the Ministry of Magic its self. Don't think I didn't expect it."  
But Lily had flung herself at Remus and was giving him a huge hug. "A werewolf? Oh why didn't I see it? The full moon every month." She pulled away. "Is this why you don't date Remus?" she asked quietly.

"No one would date a werewolf." His voice was so harsh that it scared her.

"Oh don't say that. Everyone knows how much Alyssa likes you. Give her a shot. I could talk to her if you wan-"

"No!" Remus objected furiously. "You can't tell anybody. The only reason I told you is that I know you keep secrets…and that you would get suspicious of where James goes every month."

It clicked. "Does he-"

"I'll let him explain it fully, but yes, he is with me every full moon. Sirius and Peter too." Remus stood and stretched. "I need to go." Then he swept away.

Lily walked slowly over to her boyfriend. "James lets go back to the common room. I want to ask you a few things." He stood right away, and they said their goodbyes. They walked silently and eventually, they found themselves on the couch.

"He told you?" he asked quietly.

"The major parts. But he told me that there was something he wanted you to explain to me." Lily said quietly.

"The whole, 'we disappear every full moon with him,' issue?" he asked. She nodded.

James sighed and leaned back. Lily rested her head on his shoulder and they were quiet until he started to talk.

"We realized what he was at the end of first year. It wasn't that hard, because we were doing the basics in astronomy. You know, tracking the lunar cycle. And hanging out with Remus…well, he started to run out of excuses. After his mother had been sick four times, we realized something was up. So me, Sirius and Peter put our heads together and figured it out.

Remus thought that if we found out we wouldn't talk to him anymore. I felt really bad when he admitted to us that we were the first real friends he had ever had. We wanted to help, and has Sirius had put it, 'we have a duty to a man who now has his first real friends. Us,.' And as pompous as that sounded, there was some truth to it. We wanted to help him. So second year, we came up with a plan. We were going to become animagi."

Lily looked at him. "Did you?"

He nodded slowly. "It wasn't until fifth year that we finally got it. Sirius turns into a dog-"

"Hang on!" Lily said. "I suddenly just got a whole bunch of jokes at once."

James smiled coyly. "Yeah. A dog seemed prefect for Sirius. Peter turns into a rat. Nifty for when we need to get past the whomping willow."

"When you need to do _what!?"_ Lily cried. "That tree nearly took off McNair's head! Not that I'm concerned for him," she added at the look on James' face. "Its just that that tree is dangerous."

"Like I said, a rat is really useful. One that can slip under the branches and press the root. There's a root that stills the tree. And a tunnel right under it. Dumbledore himself helped to build it. The tunnel leads to the shrieking shack." Then after a pause he added, "The villagers have been hearing Remus, not violent ghosts."

"The screaming…that's Remus?" Lily cried. James nodded.

"It's painful for him."

More silence.

"What are you?" Lily asked after a few minutes.

"A stag."

Lily looked at him. "My patronus is a doe." He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"What have I always told you Lily?"

She smiled contentedly. "Made for each other." Then she sat up strait. "The nicknames? What are the point of those?" she asked. "I don't remember them all. You're Pader-"

James laughed and cut her off. "Padfoot is Sirius, because he's a dog. Peter's Wormtail, Remus is Moony, and I'm Prongs. We invented them for the map."

"What map?" she asked.

James smiled and pulled out a blank bit of parchment. "Don't think all those nights on the grounds didn't teach us anything. We made a map of Hogwarts." He handed it to her. "Try and read it."

Lily took out her wand and hesitantly pointed it at the paper. "Lily Evans requests that you reveal your true powers." She watched as different scribbles of writing appeared.

_Mr. Wormtail bids Miss. Evans good day, and urges her to put the map back where she found it, or it would ruin her goody-goody reputation. ___

_Mr. Prongs should smack Mr. Wormtail for insulting such a beautiful lady and thinks that Miss. Evans should use the map all she wants, because a little trouble making does some good. ___

_Mr. Padfoot would like to throw-up and tell Mr. Prongs to shut it. ___

_Mr. Moony agrees with Mr. Padfoot and has had enough of Mr. Prongs' lovesick swoons._

James laughed as he read over her shoulder. "A beautiful lady." He repeated.

"Throw up?" Lily cried incredulously. "Exactly how often did you talk about me?" she asked.

"Enough." He replied simply.

Lily gave him a quick kiss, not wanting to stimulate what had happened that morning. Though she had liked it, she was scared at how much restraint she could possibly enforce upon herself.

"You said this was a map?" She asked.

He nodded and tapped it with his wand. " I_ solemnly swear that I am up to no good_." He said. She looked at him with a smirk.

"No good? Now why doesn't that come as a surprise?" She asked, as lines, dots, and letters started to appear. She looked at it amazed. She was staring at the entrance hall, where names were over the apparent exact position of students and faculty. But not only that, the dots were _moving_. She was at a loss for words as she spotted Frank Longbottom, Alice's' crush; she realized that this was very powerful magic. "James who-"

"Me and Sirius." He replied. "It took a couple of months, but it's very useful. It also has secret rooms, and passageways. Including ones that lead out of the castle. We use this one-" he flipped through pages and pointed to the statue of the one-eyes-witch, "That leads to the cellar of Honey dukes all the time."

"I cant believe that you made this. So this is how you get away with everything?" She asked.

"Well, it definitely helps. But so does the cloak."

"What cloak."

He laughed. "I forgot you didn't know about it," He pulled it out. "My invi-"  
"Invisibility cloak." Lily cut him off. "They're really rare James."

"I know. This one's been in my family for ages. As far back as anyone can recall." He put it back in his bag.

They were silent again. But it wasn't the uncomfortable; you didn't know what to say silence. It was nice, and Lily eventually took James's hand. That night something inside her clicked. Something she had been denying herself, _refusing_ to see. James Potter _loved_ her. And she loved him back.

The next day went smoothly. Well…for the most part.

The thing with Lily was…she had avoided Snape since the incident. She had never looked him full in the eye, sat with James, Alice or Alyssa during lessons and that was that. But he haunted her dreams. Of course, she would never tell anybody that. But she would wake up in a cold sweat, dreaming of things that she remembered, that she refused to look deeper into. But now she realized…Severus Snape had a problem.

An abuse problem.

All through her childhood even.

It was that day; nearly two months after the incident, that Lily found herself on the verge of a breakdown in the potion dungeons.

"James Potter with…" Slughorn scanned his list. "Alice Longbottom. And that leaves-"

_No! Nonononono._ Lily was thinking to herself "Lily Evans and Severus Snape."

Lily felt Snape's eyes on her. And James's. Both were burning holes into her, and the incident came rushing back into her mind. The anger and resentment she had felt in his blow, how low, how horrible he had made her feel. Why. Why?

Snape came sauntering over to her. He said nothing for a minute and only pulled out his cauldron. Then, obviously trying to cover his feelings he sneered, "Well, are you going to help me, or are you too angry at me to even look at me? Are you too good for me? You and your precious _Potter!?"_

Without warning Lily burst into tears and ran from the room.  
James found Lily in the empty Transfiguration classroom. She was making random objects fly through the air, hit the wall, break, and then she would repair it and repeat. James walked slowly over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Lily…don't let him get to you." He whispered quietly.

"Every time I see him I r-remember…I s-see-"

"Shhhh.' James said, soothingly.

They stayed in the room until the bell rang. James was planning something, Lily could tell.

They were almost to the Great Hall for dinner when someone familiar sidestepped into their path.

"What do you want Snivillus!?" James said, moving protectively in front of Lily. It had taken him a little more then an hour to calm her down…now this?

Snape ignored him and whispered, "Lily?"

"Leave her alone if you know what's best for you." James said, drawing a wand, and also a crowd.

Snape, again ignoring him, said strongly and louder, "Lily...I want to apologize."

There was a bark like laugh and Sirius came to stand next to James, also in front of  
Lily. "I didn't think you were capable of apology Snape. Or has Voldy-Snort been teaching you manners?"

Snape's face darkened. "Don't talk of things you don't know of Black." And he turned his attention back on the little he could see of Lily.

"I'm sorry Lily. I didn't mean to hurt you."

There was a scoffing noise and Lily pushed her way between James and Sirius, tears streaming down her face.

"What a load of Bullocks." And she slapped him across the face. "That's for all the guilt you ever made me feel." She slapped him again. "That was for what you said to me." She punched him square in the nose, "The was just payback." Soon she was sprinting down the hallways, tears still streaming down her face.

She rounded a corner and ran into the Headmaster himself. Albus Dumbledore.

"My dear Lily, is there a reason why you are in such distress?" he asked, and surveyed her, "And why there is blood on your fist?"

Lily looked down and was shocked to see that her hand was splattered in blood.  
"I-I…Snape." She said quietly.

"Ah…yes, I happen to know how it feels to be on the receiving end of a punch to the nose. May I ask why you attacked him?" Lily found herself registering that now she knew why his nose was crooked.

"He deserved it Professor. After all these years I…never…I never…stopped him."

Dumbledore surveyed her once more, only now it seemed like his electric blue eyes were penetrating into her very soul. "You have to let go of it though Miss. Evans. Or else, you will never be able to fully let another in your life." He nodded at someone over her shoulder and Lily turned around to see James watching her conversation.

"I will leave you two alone to reminisce on what I am sure was a very good right hook. There is a mug of hot chocolate waiting for me in the kitchens.

Fortunately, as luck would have it, that particular night, James and Lily were patrolling together. Usually they were paired with a prefect, but every six weeks or so, they were together.

They walked down the hallway, hand in hand.

"You know…I've never seen you hit anyone like that. Including third year when you attacked me." James said, looking off into space.

"It felt good."

"I'm sure it did."

Lily looked up at her boyfriend. The one man in the whole school she had sworn never to go out with, never to cave into. But here she was. In his eyes, she could see a future. And she wasn't going to let Severus Snape hold her back anymore.


	13. Dances can be Fun

Hope.

To James, it seemed every time it seemed within his grasp, something pulled it back away.

This was one of those occasions.

Once it had taken him time to get over the fact that he had gazed into his wife's eyes for the first time they were married, he started to watch the healers intensely. Maybe they would wave their wand, and Lily would open her eyes again, smiling happily for James. It was what he really needed.

Then he was pulled out of his fantasies when a Healer came up to him, looking happier but more sad, if possible.

"Mr. Potter, You're wife has just experienced what healers call adacomasis. It's truly rare, and only the magic community can experience it. It's a mark of a particularly  
Powerful being. What happens is while she is in the coma, her body tries to heal itself to fast, and it causes a sensation that many call déjà vu. Only it is to a great extreme." The healer glanced at Lily, and then back at James. "While you've been…faithfully watching her, have you noticed changing expressions, sweating, mumblings?"

James thought about it, and nodded. "She frowns sometimes, but a lot of times it looks like she's trying to smile."

The healer nodded and went on. "What she is experiencing is she is reliving a particular moment in her life. A certain time period that was significant in her life. Sometimes it can be painful and can slow the healing process down." James' face registered panic. The healer flashed him what she probably thought to be a reassuring smile. "But don't worry Mr. Potter. We expect you're wife to be awake with the next seventy two hours."

She didn't look pretty convinced to James.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"James?" Lily asked tentively, knocking on the boy's dormitory. She knew that they were all still sleeping, and it made her feel even more worse then going into his room at seven in the morning to ask for money.

The door opened and she was surprised to see James dressed and wide-awake. He glanced at her and shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing up so early?" She asked, looking down at her drawstring pajama pants and tank top. He was already to start his day.

He smiled warmly at her. "I could ask you the same thing Lils. But, I'll tell you. I couldn't sleep." He admitted. "Just one of those nights you know?"

Lily nodded her agreement. "So?" James asked. "What makes you come here to risk you're life?"

Lily laughed lightly. "How so?"

"No one wakes Sirius up on a Saturday. Its quote un-quote, 'un godly.'" James said, taking Lily's hand and leading her down to the common room.

Lily smiled. "Okay, so the owl came." She said, pointing at a tawny owl waiting obediently next to an off-white clothing box with an emblem of a rose on the top. "And I know that you said you had to pay for it-"

"Wanted to." James said, looking around the room. "Damn those house elves." Lily watched him curiously as he looked in an end-table drawer that was famous for holding extra parchment and what not. Finally, he pulled out a ripped piece of parchment and a broken quill. "That'll have to work. It looks like there's still ink in it." He said.

Lily was confused. He scrawled a ten-digit number on it and gave it to the owl who flew away.

"What did you give it?" She asked curiously.

"My account number." He said smiling. "Did I say good morning?"

"Actually," Lily replied, smiling also. "I believe you asked me why I was risking my life or something along those lines."

"Oh well…" James walked towards her and put a hand on the small of her back. He kissed her tenderly in the middle of the empty, quiet room. When he pulled back, he rested his forehead on hers, both of their breathing ragged. "Good morning."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Sirius are you all right?" Chasidy asked.

"I'm worried about James, Chas. He hasn't come out of that hospital for over a week." Sirius replied solemnly at Chasidy's kitchen table. He stirred his tea restlessly and glanced at the clock. "Lily's a fighter. We all know that. He should go home for a night or two."

"He loves her Sirius. Its hard to criticize someone in his position for showing it." She said, sitting next to him.

He was quiet for a minute. "I've never felt anything remotely close. I've never seen a girl look-" He cut off when he had met Chasidy's gaze. He was about to say he had never seen a girl look at him like Lily looked at James, but the sight of her blue eyes locked on his…. "What about us?" It slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it. What he had been thinking. She had been one of the few girls who had been able to resist the 'Sirius black charm' in school. She wasn't thinking the same things…. right?

While James took a quick trip to the bathroom, he thought about his situation. His new wife was in a coma down the hall, and she had some sort or rare disease or what ever they called it. It could be good. More times then not it was, as the nurse had told him. But it could also be bad. Too much pain for someone in such a weakened state.

He splashed water on his face after using the bathroom and stepped out of the men's room, only to almost collide with a girl who couldn't be more then two or three years older then him. "Are you Mr. James Potter?"

He nodded, watching her carefully.

"You're needed in you're wife's room."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lily sat on her floor, head against her bed. Eyes closed, trying to even out her breathing.

"Really Lily, what's the big deal?" Mary asked scathingly.

"Its only a dance." Alice agreed from inside the bathroom, presumably putting on make-up.

"But one I planned. If it sucks, people will blame me." Lily said, looking at the still un-opened box containing her dress.

"Bull." Alice said, walking out in her deep blue dress, putting in an earring. "Now get over first year and get dressed."

"What are you-"

"We all know that ever since that ball your aunt and uncle threw over Christmas break that year, you've scared about dances and big get-togethers." Alice said matter-of-factly.

Lily frowned guiltily, but it had been a horrible ball for her. First she had been dead bored, all the boys too old or too young. Then some jerk had spiked the kids punch, and guess what happened to Lily? Now she avoids dances all together, to save herself even more embarrassment. "I haven't even really thought about it."  
"Maybe it's just your sub-conscious warning you against it. You're brain-washed." Mary said simply, in her own lilac colored cocktail dress.

"Maybe." Lily allowed. "But it still doesn't change the fact that something is going to happen to me tonight. Or it will be extremely boring."

"Dances can be fun you know." Alice sighed, grabbing Lily's dress in the box. She handed it to her. "think about how excited James is. You cant back out on him now."

"And besides," Mary added, "Will the night be so bad if you're with him."

Lily smiled slightly and took the dress out of the box.

Two hours later, Lily peeked her head out of her dormitory door to see James pacing impatiently in the common room. Lily opened the door all the way and laughed. "Impatient much?"

James turned around, not really seeing. "I'm waiting for Lily, seen her?" He kept glancing across the room where Sirius and his current leech were waiting. Lily laughed harder, which made James look at her closer.

"I think I know where she is." James smiled and ran up to her. "Seriously James, I may never forgive you for that." Lily laughed, but she gave him a swift kiss.

James studied her dress. "You…. you look beautiful."

Lily ran her hand over her dress. It was green and layered. It fell just above her knees, and whenever the light hit it, it had a halter-top, and her shoes were three inches. Her hair was half up, and the rest fell over her shoulders in soft curls. Mostly Alice's design. But she still loved it.

"Thank you James." She took in his outfit of decent jeans and a button up black shirt that looked very…. sexy. "You look nice yourself."

He smiled. "I try. Shall we go?" He asked, offering her his arm. Lily took it gratefully. Now that she was with him, all her hesitations were gone.

They talked the typical meaningless teenage talk all the way to the Great Hall. Right outside the doors, Sirius and Anna (his date) mysteriously disappeared. Lily heard gasps of shock and wonder all around her as they entered, but the Great Hall held no surprise to her, as she had helped plan and decorate. Amongst the urgings of other female prefects, they transformed the dining hall into a Muggle club. Complete with disco balls (floating orbs charmed to flash different colors) a bar, (non-alcoholic drinks, with house elves serving) and a dance floor.

A couple bumped into them on their way in, and Lily wondered why they were running. Then she heard someone shout "fight!"

"Fight?" James wondered out loud.

They fallowed the gathering crowd and fought to the front using their Head Boy and Girl titles. One second James was there, and then he wasn't. Lily fallowed him with her eyes to see him breaking apart two struggling black-haired boys. One was smiling.

"You wait brother!" The smaller of the two yelled, his eyes glowing with excitement. "You are at the top the Dark Lords list! Filthy blood traitor!"

James ran to him and restrained him by the shoulders. "Regulus, don't cause a scene." He said sternly.

Regulus spat on the floor. "You and your family also James Potter. Maybe even a higher priority then Sirius."

James laughed a humorless laugh. "Let him try to get to my family. Go see you're head of house now, before I have to escort you."

The boy named Regulus shot James a dirty look and turned on his heal to stalk away. "Nothing to see. Get back to dancing."

Lily walked over to Sirius, who was rubbing his arm. "Are you okay Sirius?" she asked him.

"Fine," he said lightly. "Nothing I'm not used to." He looked sincere about it too, which troubled Lily. "Where's Anna?" he asked vaguely, and without waiting for an answer, he left to go search the crowd, probably to find his snogging partner so he could forget his family issues.

To her surprise, James was laughing. "Don't look so concerned Lily. Sirius is over his family. I doubt that he even took in a thing Regulus was shouting at him."

"Are you sure?" she asked, turning back to him.

"Positive."

Suddenly, everyone, everything but James was gone. A thick gray smoke surrounded them, and James looked around, starting to talk to someone Lily couldn't see.

"James, what's happening?" she asked. He ignored her. "James?" still not even a look her way. Feeling slightly hurt, she looked around, but he remained the only thing she could see but the fog.

Then there was a tingling feeling in her toes, and it slowly started to move up-ward. Where was the dance? She couldn't even hear it anymore. It was to her knees now, and it was really uncomfortable. Her legs felt stiff and un-used. Her knees were close to collapsing, the tingling moving ever higher, to her chest now. Her heart was beating faster, like it was trying to break through her chest, and finally, everywhere was tingling.

Her head hurt. A headache. A very bad one. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, James was gone; the fog was black now, filling her lungs. It smelled of sulfur, with ashes floating in the smoke itself, in through her nose. It was harder to breath out now, and the only thing she could think to do, she felt like she had no choice, was to breath in the intoxicating substance. Then her chest exploded with pain. The smoke was killing her, and she tried to hold her breath, but she just couldn't stop breathing it in, more and more, until ever partial in her body screamed in protest, but her brain kept sending the command to breathe in, never out.

She couldn't take it anymore, why wasn't anybody helping her. Her lungs, still trying to get her to breathe in as much as possible, demanded she start breathing through her mouth as well, and she obeyed, but quickly regretted it. The ashes burned the back of her throat, clogged it, and half a minute later, she couldn't breathe at all. She was ingesting it all, and couldn't stop. When she thought she was on the brink of dying, she let out her final scream.

Then she was staring up into a blinding white light, still screaming.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

As the intern healer led James to his wife's room, his mind was thinking of all the scenarios, good and bad.

The healer stopped him outside his wife's now closed door. "Mr. Potter, we need you to try and calm your wife. Please don't panic, and try to help us out."

James hadn't even swallowed what she had said when she opened the sound proofed door to reveal his wife, Lily Potter, wide awake, screaming at the top of her lungs.


	14. I Love You

Fire.

Ice.

Fire.

Ice.

The fire was in her chest, the back of her throat. Ashes, ashes. Sulfur. And it hurt. There was an odd pressure on her left hand, and it would have been comforting if she could concentrate on it, but there was ice taking the place of the fire in her arms and legs. It was odd. You cant put fire out with ice. It would just melt. Sure enough, the fire was taking back over. She didn't know what had hurt worse.

There was a noise in her head. It was loud and high-pitched. Familiar but she was unable to pinpoint the noise. The ashes were getting farther and farther down her throat now. She was still breathing it all in.

Something cold and shaking was on her face now. Welcome, but when she looked down she couldn't see it. All she could see was the blinding white light all around her, with nothing but the invisible fire as company.

"Fire, fire, I'm on fire." She said, realizing what was happening. It was some kind of curse. Invisible fire. She had never realized it before that moment, and she instantly started to swat at it on her chest, but not feeling anything. Just then, she inhaled a chunk of it. Ashes packed together into a ball lodged themselves into the back of her throat, and now she couldn't breathe at all.

Panicking, feeling the air leaving her brain, she started to try and keep the ashes out of her mouth, but something was stopping her hands. They were pinned to her sides, and now there were two cold, shaking things, on either side of her face. Here eyes were stinging from the dryness, and she closed them for a second. She really considered letting go, but a voice in her head told her to hold on, just a little longer.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Without waiting for an instruction, James bounded to his wife's bed, grabbing her hand. His chest felt weird at the sight of her, constricted with the sobs he was trying to hold back. The healers were talking about a numbing spell, and one tapped their wand on Lily's leg. An odd, icy blue glow hovered over her arms and legs, but another red one was everywhere else. It shocked James, and it apparently shocked the Healers too.

They started to panic and shout unintelligible commands at each other, which nearly drove James to hysterics. But he had to hold on for her. She needed him. He needed her. The red glow started to chase the blue away, and soon it was all that was left.

James watched her carefully. She was still screaming, but it was almost like background noise to James. He was concentrating on sending his energy to her. He placed his hand on her cheek, realizing it was shaking. Her breathing was oddly ragged, and labored.

"Fire! Fire! I'm on Fire!" She screamed. James looked up alarmingly and the healers stopped, shocked.

"What are you doing!?" James yelled. They all flinched and got back to their hurried work. He automatically turned his attention back to her. She started to fling her arms all around her. Her eyes were still fixed unseeingly at the ceiling, but she was trying to put the 'fire' out.

Then she stopped breathing.

She just _stopped._ Fearing, but trying not to believe the worst, James placed both his hands on either side of her head, willing his body to give every ounce of energy it possessed. She closed her eyes slowly, almost dramatically, as if she were giving up.

"No. Hold on Lily. Just a little longer. Hold on. Please. Please." James cried in agony.

Then someone behind him shouted, "Do it!" Someone pushed him out of the way urgently. James watched as the person moved his wand, muttering. Someone grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and dragged him to the other side of the bed. "Keep doing the energy transfer!" A female voice yelled. James clasped her left hand with both of his and felt that it was really warm. Fire.

Other healers started to help the one that had pushed James away. He watched as the healers tried to bring his wife, his soul mate, his Lily, back from the dead, for the second time in a week.

*~*~*~*~*

The fire was gone.

Something inside her told her to hold on, so she did. She knew she could move one. What ever that meant. But she didn't. She stayed lying down, not moving. Waiting. She tried to remember who she was.

Who was she?

L…L something. Evans. L Evans. But her name wasn't 'El'. It was…Lily.

She always liked her name. She tried to remember more. Someone. James. He was important. Very important. Her boyfriend. Then fiancé. She smiled contently. He was her fiancé. No, wait.

The wedding. He was her husband. She wasn't Lily Evans any more. She was Lily Potter.

And she was in love with James Potter.

Something inside her knew he needed her. That was odd. Why was she here anyway?

_Lily stopped. What was in her back? There was terrible pressure in her back. It hurt. Lily's eyes started to water. Noises were fading to her. She still heard the screams. She looked down and saw a blood spot on her stomach. _Ah. She was dead. She frowned. Then she remembered everything. Reliving her life over the past week. Suddenly she knew everything. She knew that James, silly, stupid, loving James, had stayed by her side the whole time.

Maybe with death comes new knowledge?

No it was….

New Power. She had new power. She could tap into James's brain? Impossible. Well…maybe. She concentrated on the past week through his mind. She was experiencing adacomasis. It had a different effect for different people. She was connecting with her…soul mate? Yes, that sounded right.

And right now, she felt it. That he was in pain. Suddenly she saw through his eyes, at her lifeless body as countless people worked on her, half-heartedly now. Silent Tears were leaking down his face. His pain was un-bearable.

She couldn't bear to feel that pain. She knew that if it weren't for this serene place, she would be in pain too. From not being with him. Her body still semi-ached from the fire.

She wasn't ready to die. Not yet.

She centered all her… mysterious between-life-and-death energy, into home. Earth. London. The place she wanted to be. She felt it. A strange sensation. Maybe how a suction cup feels when being pulled from a window. There was an odd sort of pressure, different from apparation, and then, suddenly, she was on a lumpy mattress, her head pounding in renewed pain.

No ashes, no fire or ice. Just a bad headache and minor chest constriction.

Lily sucked in a glorious amount of clean air, turned her head to her left and opened her eyes to look into her husbands. She squeezed his hand and fell asleep. Dying, returning, going through three months of memories in less then a week, being on fire, dying again, and returning again really did drain your energy.

*~*~*~*~*~

Everyone stopped as suddenly, Lily breathed in some air, almost like she was luxuriating in it. She smiled contentedly, and opened her eyes.

James looked back at her. She could've passed as just extremely tired, not sitting in a hospital after she had been in a coma, then waken up screaming about fire.

She squeezed his hand, and turned on her side, getting comfortable, and went to sleep.

The head Healer smiled and said, "huh."

"Amazing."

"Weird."

"What the hell?"

James laughed with relief, bringing her hand to his face. It was normal temperature now. "Why did she go back to sleep?" he asked suddenly.

The only female looked contemplative. "Well…I expect what she just went through wasn't easy. She may be genuinely tired." She sighed. Everyone just stood there no knowing what to do. They had just been working furiously to save her life, and now she was fine.

Then a Healer started to examine her. He kept looking at James funny when he had gotten to her head. Then he smiled and straitened up. He turned to the rest of the Healers in the room. "Why don't you take a lunch break? That was…stressing." They smiled appreciatively, and backed out of the room, muttering to themselves. Then the Healer turned to James and extended a hand. "I'm not sure we've met formally. I'm Healer Schmelowick. I work generally emergency cases such as this. This one is certainly interesting."

James shook his hand, not able to keep his gaze entirely off Lily. "Thanks for all your work Healer Schmelowick. I really do appreciate it."

"She came out sooner then was expected. I think her subconscious was fighting to get back to the real world without her knowledge. That may be why it hurt her so much to come out, then to go through the power transformation…or receiving. Then she well…died from the pain and possibly hallucinations. You witnessed her screaming of 'fire'. But she still came back. I don't think she wants to die yet. It truly is a miracle." The Healer said, still examining her head.

"So right now she's just…. tired?" James asked disbelieving. Happy, but it was hard to imagine that after that much pain, which he would have gladly taken from her, she was fine.

"Well, she has a headache which we can give her something for when she wakes up. Her chest is a little sore from breathing so constricted. And maybe her throat. But other then that, she's fine. Once she is awake for more then half an hour, we can start treating her for her wound." Then he glanced up at James, looking amused. "Do you have any secrets from your wife?"

Surprised by the question, James shook his head. "No, I tell her everything."

"Well, good, because your mind isn't entirely your own. You two must have a truly amazing bond." The Healer sat in the chair on the other side of Lily, like it was a job interview. "Instead of enhancing her magical powers, the Adacomasis has given her a…link to your mind. While I was searching hers for any physiological damage, I was also inside your mind." James flinched. "I backed out. I'm not big on invasion of privacy. But it was hard. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but her brain kept checking on yours. If I didn't know better," he chuckled and stood up. "She's concerned for you."

"Go home, take a shower, have something to eat. She'll be asleep for a while."

Sirius walked through the halls of St. Mungos to Lily's room, thinking about the afternoon he had had.

"_What about us?" Sirius had asked her. Chasidy looked up. ___

_"What about us?" She murmured back. She stood up and moved to the window above the sink in her small apartment kitchen. Crossing her arms, she watched the willow tree sway soothingly in the wind down below in the courtyard. ___

_Sirius stood up and moved next to her. A week before it had been Lily for him. Lily had been the one he wanted. But then he comes across Chasidy, the Ravenclaw that had always resisted him. And an odd relationship sprung. ___

_She turned to face him. "I have a very bad feeling that you're going to be bad for me Sirius Black. Then she snaked her arms around his next and reached up to kiss him…. _  
Sirius smiled contentedly. He thought that he was finally close to what James was having. Speaking of James….where was he?

He walked into Lily's room, and she was alone. Odd. James would never have left Lily alone when she was in a coma. He looked at Lily and his eyes narrowed. He moved to her bedside, and watched her sleep. It was plainly obvious she was sleeping. Turned on her side, and smiling. That was why James had left. She was okay. Sirius laughed and sank into a chair, rubbing his temples. "Lily Potter, you gave us all a scare." He couldn't have sworn that her smile had gotten bigger.

He sat there for about a half and hour when James walked in. Clean-shaven, with a new light in his eyes. "I was waiting for you. So," Sirius said, standing up. "She's awake?"

James nodded. "About three hours ago. It was…pretty freaky."

"Really?" Sirius asked. James nodded and continued to tell him the story. Sirius was quiet. Then- "James!" he whined. "Now she's going to know _everything_ we did in school."

"Well, its not like I can punish you now can I?" a voice from behind said.

"Lily!" James cried happily, crossing to her bedside. Sirius turned around.

"Ah, welcome back Lils. I better be going, let you two love birds catch up." He said, heading to the door.

"Come back later Sirius." James called after him, turning back to his wife. Sirius smiled as he left.

Lily smiled at James, who was smiling back, very happy, but studiously. "I'm not going anywhere." She told him calmly.

He was kneeling next to her bed, level with her head. She took the hand that he wasn't holding and placed it on the side of his face. He closed his eyes and put his other hand over it. They sat like that for a while. "You died." He whispered. "Twice."

Lily nodded. "I know."

"Why?" He asked. She didn't need to know what he meant.

Lily watched him carefully as she chose her words. "I…I didn't want to leave just yet. It hurt. To come back. But I had a new husband, and I'm determined to have a happy marriage,"

"I love you." He told her, looking into her eyes.

"I love you too."


	15. Something New

Walking the streets of Muggle London was a little amusing to Sirius. People gave him odd looks for the clothes he was wearing; while they talked of insignificant little things such as a reality show they saw on the telly the night before, or the Queen of England.

Insignificant compared to what had happened in his day.

He was over Lily. Completely. He was a little ashamed at how he had acted towards her. He realized that the way he had felt for her was more like sisterly love. Something he hadn't ever had, except for maybe with James, only brotherly. So, of course, he confused sisterly and lust, and chose the lust, assuming that he was in love with Lily Evans. Well, now she was Lily Potter. And that was great. Lily was like his sister now, because he had almost always counted James as a brother.

And now he felt something stronger then love for a sister. He was actually in love. He accepted that face. Sirius Black had finally decided to stick with one girl. He smiled to himself as he envisioned five years from then, Chasidy Black, and maybe a child or two.

A future he had never really considered for himself.

And now, Lily was awake, and he would soon have his best friend back (after the honeymoon of course.) Nothing could bring Sirius down at the moment.

He walked to Chasidy's apartment, over a Muggle shop selling books, and rang the bell.

"Come in!" her voice called, and Sirius opened the door and started to climb the stairs. The door at the top was open so he walked through it. She was busy making a very late lunch and writing a letter, the tomatoes for her salad were being cut by a knife held by no one. "Oh, Sirius." She said, glancing at him over her shoulder and smiling. "Back so soon?" she asked.

"Lily's awake." He said happily, taking an apple out of a basket on her table. "About three hours ago she woke up screaming, took a nap, and now she's fine. So I decided to leave the love birds in fear of being grossed out."

"That's good news." She exclaimed, folding her letter and going to find her owl. "Interested in lunch?"

"That would be great." He answered once she reappeared, holding her owl with her letter clamped in its beak. She tapped her wand on it, and it seemingly disappeared. Then she opened the window to let it out.

"What was the disillusionment charm for?" he asked curiously.

"Temporary," She said as she continued with the salad. "I don't want to muggles from below to see it, or it will cause some trouble."

Sirius nodded patiently, watching her work.

This new feeling he had… no, feelings, were completely strange to him. They seemed more intense then he had ever imagined they would be. Could he be in love? Could Sirius Black actually be settling onto one person? The thought was inconceivable. He ached to see her when he was away, and when he was with her; he felt a feeling of completion.

She walked over with turkey sandwiches and pumpkin juice, setting them on the table, breaking Sirius out of his silent contemplation.

"So, do they know when they're going to release Lily?" She asked him, taking a bite out of her sandwich, Sirius doing the same.

"No. I walked into her room and she was sleeping, actually curled up, so I knew she had woken up. Then James showed up, he was actually _clean!"_ Sirius said excitedly. Chasidy laughed. "But anyway, he told me that he had been in the bathroom when a healer came to him and told him he was needed in Lily's room.

"Scary actually. Apparently, Lily had been screaming at the top of her lungs, with her eyes wide open. Then she just...stopped breathing. Scared the hell out of James too. But she came back and now she's fine."

"Just like that?" Chasidy asked, setting down the second half of her sandwich, watching him carefully.

Sirius nodded. "She still has the puncture wound in her abdomen, and they can take care of it now that she's awake. But there's something else. Ever heard of adacomasis?" He asked her. She shook her head, her eyes questioning. "Yeah, neither had I. But Lily had it. I don't know for sure what it does, but I know that when she woke up, she had this…connection to James' brain. That's why she came back, I'm guessing. She could feel how James was feeling. They have quite a bond, them two."

She nodded. "It really is… I can't even explain it."

Sirius stood up, leaving his unfinished sandwich where it was. He walked to the other side of her dining room table and took her hand, pulling her up.

"But you know what?" He asked her quietly.

"What?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"I think that you saved me. I didn't think it was possible for me to feel this way about anyone. I had a hard childhood. My family doesn't love me, and I don't love them. My real family, the Potters aren't around anymore. Ones dead, the other in St. Mungos. James and Lily just got married. Pete's been acting weird. And all that that scared the hell out of me. But you know what? I don't _care_ about that anymore.

"All I can think of is you. That is truly something for me. And if that were you in Lily's place, I think I would be in James'."

Chasidy looked like she was about to cry. "Sirius Black." She said quietly.

"Yes?" he asked her. She reached up and gave him a teasing kiss on the lips. Then she took his hands and led him into her bedroom, closing the door.

"James?" Lily asked, late that night.

"Hmmm?" He asked, sounding half asleep from the chair next to her bed.

She took a deep breath. Or tried. "Can you get a healer honey?" she asked him calmly.

He sat up tiredly, watching her as her words slowly clicked into place. "What's wrong?" he asked, standing up.

"I think I just need something for the pain." She told him, closing her eyes, as another one of those electric bolts of pain ran around the edges of her puncture.

James squeezed the hand he had been holding before letting go and walking out of the room quickly.

Lily closed her eyes, hearing a low buzz, like static on a radio in the back of her head. She focused on it, and found it was the part of her brain that was attached to his. He was worried, unnecessarily. It was just a little pain. Nothing in comparison to what had been felt before.

He was back with a younger woman behind him, holding her wand out like she was about to go into battle. "Lumos." She muttered.

"The edges." Lily muttered. Her body felt stiff from not walking, and she wanted out.

"Have they started your treatments for it?" She asked her kindly. Lily shook her head. "Well, maybe its time to start. Lets take a look." She lifted Lily's hospital gown to look at her puncture. She felt James' heart rate get faster and she smirked at him. But she didn't get to say anything teasing, because the healer dropped her gown and said, "Bloody hell!"

"What!?" James and Lily asked at the same time.

"It's decreased." She said, shocked. "Its half the size of when it was when you woke up!" She said, disbelieving.

"But that's good right?" James asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"Well…yes, but I've never seen anything like it!" She pursed her lips thinking. "At this rate, you should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon!"

"Is this that weird ardacomathingy I have?" Lily asked, smiling in spite of herself. She was going home soon! And they still had the honeymoon.

The healer smiled. "Yes, it is probably that it has something to do with your adacomasis. Well… let me give you something for the pain."

A warm sensation ran through Lily's abdomen, and with a quick goodnight, the healer left.

"Feel better?" James asked her softly.

She nodded. "Yes." Lily nodded, thinking about something. What other surprises were in store for her? Because of this weird thing she has, only because she was in a weird magical coma.

Her husband, her heart fluttered as she thought the word, was as faithful as ever, never leaving her side. And she was thankful for the company, but she saw through his mind, what a weird concept, what he had put her through for those few days she was… incapacitated.

She felt the pressure on her bed as he laid his head next to hers. An odd angle for him, but he didn't seem to care. "So…going home tomorrow…"

"I know." Lily sighed. I can't wait to get out of here and start living as Mrs. James Potter." She turned her head to smile at him. His returning grin was radiant. After a split second of decision, Lily moved over, her stiff back cracking. "Come one James, I can't stand to see you in the chair, when you could be next to me."

He chuckled softly, but remained where he was. "Its against the rules Lils." He sighed sadly. "Believe me, I would love to."

"Screw the rules." She muttered under her breath. "I should be on my honeymoon right now, so the least they could do is let me share a bed with my husband!"

"Wow, you're a little moody Lils." He said amusedly, standing up and stretching.

"What day is it?" She asked innocently.

"The…twelfth I believe." He told her.

Lily grinned back wickedly. "I'm due. I guess even being in a coma, life goes on." She sighed, taking his hand. "Come on, please?" she asked him pleadingly.

"Fine. But if we get in trouble-"

"I'll deal with it." Lily said firmly. "No one likes to deal with a PMSing women in a hospital. _Not fun._" She added in a whisper for the effect.

James pulled back the blankets and got into the bed, Lily automatically moved so he could embrace her.

"I've missed this." He whispered into her ear.

"Mmmmm…me too." She mumbled, snuggling closer.

"I love you Lily."

"I love you too James."

The blazing sunlight was what woke Sirius up. It was poking through the lavender curtains that were slightly parted. He stretched, yawning, though not really tired. He thought back to his night, realizing that it was the happiest night of his life. Perfect, amazing…. words too inaccurate to mean anything. It had been unexplainable.

He stood up, pulling on some pants and moving into the kitchen to start breakfast.

He found some eggs, and half a package of bacon. His ideal breakfast. He grabbed his wand off the table, where he had left it the night before, and charmed the breakfast to start cooking himself. Charms he had gotten used to.

He was ready to try this relationship. He had never really been afraid of trying something new.


	16. No More Fun and Games Mr Snuffles

It was a strange sensation, to be asleep, dreaming about something, then waking up and actually doing it. It felt a little like Déjà vu, but not quite the same. This was what James woke up to. He had a dream that he was under a weird sense of torture, beneath a muggle circus tent of red and yellow. His hands had been tied behind his back, and there was a man cutting his fingers off one by one, working his way up by the joint. But instead of it hurting, it tickled. It tickled so much he was screaming with his mouth wide open. And he woke up, and his mouth was wide open, something fiery and red brushing the sensitive spot under his ear in a ticklish sensation.

It was such a weird feeling, to be in one place with your mouth wide open, to opening your eyes to a distinctly dull place in comparison to the previous, with your mouth still wide open. The feeling confused him, and he couldn't remember where he was.

Taking in his surroundings, he immediately knew he was in a hospital. Then in a matter of seconds, three things, accompanied with emotions, came back to him. Lily had been in a coma; pain. She had died; anguish, pain beyond belief; she was alive and well, and they were going home today; love. He felt so much love for her that his heart beat picked up rapidly, launching itself into his throat. Kissing her hair, he tightened his arms that had wrapped his arms around her waist as they slept.

Lily chuckled, startling him. "So you're finally up?" she asked, turning to face him. Her eyes met his and he was silent for a few moments. There were times when he thought he would never get to see them looking back at him like that. Like she loved him.

"Was I asleep long?" he asked, leaning his forehead onto hers.

"I woke up an hour ago." She shrugged, snuggling closer to him.

His brow furrowed. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Because," she explained, smiling, "You looked so happy, and I felt so good just being held by you, that it didn't matter to me weather you were awake or not."

"I'll hold you forever if you'd like." James said softly, tucking a strand of her beautiful red hair behind one ear.

"Now, how are you supposed to carry on with your on-the-side relationship with Sirius?" she asked him, smirking now. "I mean, who am I to take you away from him, your best friend since first year?"

"I resent that!" James said, pretending to look offended, playing along. "I told him once we were married, 'no more fun and games mister snuffles!'"

Lily kissed him on the cheek. "You didn't have to give up your fling for me honey," she said, keeping up with the mocking voice. After all the pain they had both been through since the wedding, it felt nice to be joking around. "I know I've gotten old and boring and-"

"You're right." He agreed, jumping out of bed, much to her dismay. She didn't want him to leave! "I'll go find Sirius, I think we should get together tonight to—"

"Shut it Potter," Lily snapped, using her Head Girl voice now, that made James instantly smile. Ah, the good old days when she would hex him for no reason, and put him down whenever she could. A year and a half could really change people. "Get back over here before I give you a detention, it's too late to leave the common room."

Giving her a salute, James jumped back onto the bed, making her bounce a little. "Is there anything that will make you forgive me, oh holiness?" he asked, rolling over and propping his head up on and elbow, his eyes taking in her expression with hunger. Lily felt a strong surge of want that was not only coming from herself, but outside of her mind as well.

Oh, right. Addacomathingy.

"James?" Lily asked, smirking.

"Yeah?" he asked, his eyes not leaving her lips.

"If there was one thing in the whole, entire universe you could have, what would it be?" Lily asked, taking his hand in hers.

"I would live forever with you by my side, after all, there's no point to life without you." He said. It was very corny, but the sincerity made her blush. "What about you?" he asked her, letting go of her hand, but placing it on the small of her back, and pulling her closer.

"At this very moment, or in general?"

"Both." He said, smiling a bit.

"I would want to live a long and happy life with you, with a family, and to never be apart." It was true though.

He frowned slightly, and it confused her. "You just want to live a long life with me?" He sounded a little let down. She wouldn't have needed to use the connection with his brain to figure out what had upset him, if only slightly.

"Silly James," she said, kissing his nose like he was three years old.

"Living forever doesn't appeal to me. Life would get tedious and routine, and our children's children's children would barely know us. Think about having to live through life being old and frail with no family left that you are close to?" she asked him, knowing that she was going on, but that was who she was. "Besides, whatever's waiting for us after this life must be good. I was born a catholic and I don't really know about any wizarding religions, but almost every faith I've heard of, they believe in after life. Don't you want to explore that with me?"

He laughed, his eyes watching her with awed curiosity. "I love it when you rant, your so cute." Then he sighed, and his thoughtful frown was back on his face. "What if you leave before me? How could I live through that?" he asked her, just the thought made him cringe internally. "I've already thought I've been there twice, and I'm only eighteen!"

"Hopefully that won't happen for a while, and we'll have kids, and grandkids. They'll be your reason for staying behind, and I'll always wait for you, in this life, and the next."

He nodded. "I guess so. And it will go both ways." He promised her. They were quiet for a few minutes, just holding each other. Then he remembered the second half of his request. "So, what do you want most in the world, at this very moment?" He asked suggestively, trying to change the mood by wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, I know what _you _want, Mr. Potter," Lily breathed.

"And what's that Mrs. Potter?" he asked her, and he watched as her expression changed slightly, a look of dawning comprehension. "What?" he asked, laughingly.

"I'm Mrs. Potter!"

"Yeah," he whispered, "I know."

"Don't pull that with me," she told him jokingly. "I know your little tricks. I will not kiss you Mr. Potter."

"Lily!" he whined, "pleeeeeeease!?"

She shook her head. "Nuh uh. No way, not if your intentions are totally dishonorable."

"How can they be dishonorable if we're _married?" _He asked incredulously.

Truth be told, she had a swooping sensation in her stomach from what he had been thinking about doing with her. Territories she had never explored before, but yearned with all her heart to.

"Because," she said, leaning in closer, so that when she spoke, her lips rubbed against his, soft as a whisper. "Well," she paused... "I don't really know why. But I think it's wrong that you haven't tried anything yet James, I mean, you weren't scared to go for it back in fifth—"She was cut off as he leaned in and mashed his lips with hers.

All the unspoken feelings and promises were put into this kiss, and she lifted her arm to wrap around his neck and intertwine her fingers in his hair. The hand that had been on her back had made it's way under her shirt and was trying to get around to the front where her braless chest was heaving. And then the door opened.

"Oh honestly you two!" a familiar voice called, and at the same time, an unfamiliar one said, "This is a hospital!"

She hadn't realized she was somehow semi-on top of him, or that her free hand had started to work his shirt up.

Their eyes met, and he started to laugh, as did she. They had also forgotten they were in a hospital, rather then a hotel on the sunny beaches of Hawaii for their long overdue honeymoon.

:.:.:.:

"Way to get your game on Prongs!" Sirius said, plopping down into an armchair by the door. The nurse looked absolutely affronted, like a cat when you pet it in the wrong direction and messing up its fur pattern.

"Mr. Potter, you know the rules. Get off the bed; we're discharging her in two hours anyway." She said, pointing her want threateningly at him. "I need to make sure your wife's healing rate is the same as it was reported last night.

James immediately rolled off the bed, and when he stood up his shirt fell back down to his waist. And as always, when he was annoyed, or stress, or amused, or embarrassed, or…well, just about any emotion, his hand sprung to his hair to mess it up.

Sirius was on top of the world at the moment, and there was nothing that made him feel better then being with his best mate. What he really needed was a good butterbeer and a talk with him, but Sirius knew that at this point, nothing was going to take him away from Lily until they were back from their honeymoon.

"Everything seems to be in order." The nurse said, after examining Lily. "If I hadn't known better, I would have said nothing happened. In two hours Healer Schmelowick will be here to talk with you and write the papers to discharge you." And she turned to the room to leave, but before she closed the door, it was pushed back open by none other then the infamous, Alice Brandenburg.

"Your awake!" she squealed, running to hug Lily, who was sitting up in bed with a broad smile on her face upon seeing her best friend.

"Shhhh!" The nurse snapped. "And for Gods sake Mr. Potter! Stay-off-the-bed!" James jumped up from the spot he had been sitting on near Lily's feet, while she and Alice started to giggle. It was school all over again.

"No worries Matilde," Sirius said, waving a hand. It was a wonder how he was already on first name basis with the witch. Then again, it had only taken a week in first year for him to start calling Madam Pomfrey Poppy. "I'll take James here with me up to the café, and let the girls catch up with each other." He looked at James pointedly, with his signature expression for 'I need to tell you something'. James nodded and turned to kiss Lily on the forehead.

"I'll come back in about a half hour Lils, okay?" he asked her.

"Just leave already Potter." Alice snapped.

"What did I do?" he asked wondrously, raising his hands in the air like he surrendered.

"You didn't tell me she was awake, that's what." Alice said, placing her hands on her hips.

"It was only just last night!" He exclaimed, backing towards the door. Alice was infamous for being extremely irrational. "She's my wife you know!"

"My friend for longer, I win. Now out!"

"Bye Mister Snuffles!" Lily called just as the door was shutting.

:.:.:.:

"Mister Snuffles?" Sirius asked James, which made him laugh.

"That's my lover name for you, didn't you know?" James asked him.

"Woof!" Sirius leaned in as if he was going to kiss him, and James pushed him away.

"Cut it out Pads."

"Honestly, how you can be married…" The forgotten nurse from behind them muttered.

Sirius turned to look at her. "I'm worse, trust me. It's why I'm not married." The nurse smirked and turned down a different hallway that they were walking down. "Yet!" Sirius sang in an awful sing-songy voice that jumped a few octaves and dragged the 'e' out too much.

"Yet?" James inquired as they walked up the stairs to the seventh floor café.

So Sirius (in a little too much detail,) explained the perfectness of his night with Chasidy. He was dancing around like an idiot, but James knew him better then that.

"Are you falling in love with her?" James asked simply.

"Oh, no." Sirius correcting. "I've passed that stage."

"In a few days?"

"Well, you see, falling doesn't take that long, because E=MC squared—"

"Shut it." James said, pushing him against the wall. "I want a serious answer."

"Would you let me get to it?" Padfoot asked. "_Anyway…._ Falling doesn't take that long, I'll spare you the lecture. It's the picking yourself up and trying to reassemble your thoughts and figure out what the hell just happened that's hard."

He had to chew that one over for a minute. "I can relate." James pushed open the door and looked around. Most of the people there were looking exhausted, and there was actually a special counter for awake potions. Some looked sad, others relieved, and some faces were just blank.

"Yeah…" Sirius said, staring into space. They both did so, just thinking about how their lives could get better from this point on out.

"So…" James said, mixing his now ordered coffee. It wasn't very good but he could use a pick-me-up.

Sirius chuckled at something, and when James looked over to him, he was shaking his head. "Just what were you and Lilykins planning on doing in a hospital bed?" he asked teasingly.

James ran a hand through his hair, smiling, but looking down at the table with chagrin. "I don't know really. We were kinda just winging it. Damn you and that bloody nurse."

"Well Prongs, Crazy Alice would have popped in eventually anyway." Sirius noted. "So I believe that should be a 'damn you and Alice.' You see, the nurse was only doing her job Mister Cuddlyman."

James choked on his coffee. "Cuddlyman?"

"Well, you have an absurd sex name for me, why don't you have one?"

"We already have nicknames, and Snuffles is a name you give like, a teddy bear or a pet dog. I dont want a stripper name, and a bad one at that."

"Come on Mr. Cuddlyman!" Sirius said in a voice you use to amuse small children.

"Give me a different name then Cuddlyman…" James said, frowning. "It might give me some pretty perverse nightmares."

"How about…" Sirius asked, "Mr. Broomhumper."

James snorted. "There is just no winning with you is there Pads?"

:.:.:.:

"Mr. Snuffles?" Alice asked Lily.

"Yeah, long story, and incredibly odd. You know, sometimes I wonder if James and Sirius really _are _in an off hand relationship." Lily mused, going through Alice's purse to find a brush.

She looked up to see her best friend watching her with an odd expression on her face. "What?" Lily asked, "I'm sorry I'm going through your bag. I just really want a brush and –"

"No no," Alice waved a hand as if to say 'no big deal'. "It's just that, we all thought…"

Lily got up to hug her friend. "I'm fine now. You didn't think I would leave you all behind? Not after my wedding."

"Speaking of weddings and things that happen before them." What an odd sentence. Lily gave Alice an inquiring look, and she saw an expression she knew well.

"Oh, no way!" she squealed, and grabbed Alice's left hand. "He proposed to you!"

"Yeah!" They were both beaming stupidly. "Actually, it's good that your awake. I'm meeting his mother tonight."

Mrs. Longbottom was notorious for being incredibly strict and hard to please.

"No worries." Lily said, giving her the same off hand wave. "Everybody loves you." _Everybody who doesn't mind random spurts of insanity. _Lily thought to herself.

"Thanks Lils." She gave Lily a hug. "Oh, and you'll be my maid of honor right? Without all the responsibility I mean. Mary can handle it. _You _have a honeymoon to go on."

"Of course." Lily said, but her mind was somewhere else now. She _did _have a honeymoon to be on. Just the thought brightened her outlook on the next few months considerably.

:.:.:.:

"P-p-p-please M-my Lord." The tiny man squeaked as he was thrown to the floor of a dirty room with the distinct smell of decomposing flesh.

"Silence!" the voice hissed, and the little man looked up. All he could see were the two red-glowing slits for eyes. "You will do as I say Peter Pettigrew, if you value your sad mistake of a life at all. _Crucio!" _

His screams filled the chamber, and the mans minions chuckled with amusement in the background. "Any-an-anything!" he finally cried out after the spell was lifted, breaking under the pressure.

"You _will _be spy for me into the Order of the Phoenix." And it was an command, not a request. And the punishment was not a good yelling at or a pay cut. No, Peter Pettigrew was not going to get paid, and he was sure to be yelled at just for his very presence. But he was not, under any circumstances, going to admit that he hadn't the faintest idea what any bloody Order of the Phoenix was.


	17. Perfect

He couldn't keep the silly grin off his face, even though the skin around his lips was starting to hurt from being stretched tight for about fifteen minutes now. He was rocking on the balls of his feet, impatiently in line at the front desk to check Lily out while she changed into her normal clothes in a nearby loo. He was taking her home, to their home, where they would live together, and start a family, and see their grandkids be born, and grown up, under the watchful of their own children. There would always be a Potter

Legacy, and if not, all of it was going to Sirius and his future family with Chasidy.  
Just the thought of having children made his heart leap with excitement, because, of course, there was always _how_ you had children to look forward to.

Ah, blessed Honeymoon, where people experience life-altering, well, experiences. At least, that's what his father had always told him, first with 'the talk', then with many rather random conversations in the years fallowing.

And his father. He and Lily were going to visit him after the Honeymoon, as he had blatantly refused to allow them to visit him before hand, eager for them to experience the life altering experiences. At least, that is what Sirius reported to him after stopping in his father's room two hours previously.

It was now almost five, and their flight on a muggle airplane to Hawaii, after a connection in New York, and then San Francisco, left at seven thirty. The too-many-hour-long flight was going to be just torture.

A hand rested on his shoulder, and he heard the familiar, heart-stopping laugh that he had always loved. "James, calm down please, you'll make me nervous." And despite the fact that her words implicated that she wasn't nervous yet, her tone of voice shouted that she was indeed nervous, and excited.

James turned to look at his lovely bride. "Ah, but it's so hard not to be excited. We have years of pointless arguments ahead of us, and screaming babies, and Sirius barging in at exactly the wrong time, like he does."

Lily laughed again, and took his hand. They were close to the front of the line now, and he saw that Chasidy had picked out a pair of jeans, and a V-neck emerald green Tee shirt that brought out Lily's eyes, and a simple black cloak un-fastened. "I must say, you look absolutely amazing." He told her.

"Oh, you don't look too bad yourself in that scruffy, un-kept way." She said, patting his hand with her free one.

"Uh…thanks I guess." He said, confused as to weather he really did look good, or if it as a subtle way of telling him to shave and take a shower.

She laughed again, and it caught his attention. "You seem very happy for a patent just leaving trauma."

She shrugged, and they moved a couple feet forward, now two people away from finally leaving the stupid hospital already. "It helps that my outlook on the next week is considerably well."

"Considerably…_well?!"_ he asked incredulously. "I'm about to jump out of my bloody skin, and you use a word like well"

She stood on her top toes, and swiftly kissed him on the cheek. "Mmmm…" she murmured, still really close to his face, and he was overcome with the urge to apparate to anywhere and take here right there, "Don't worry love. I—James!" she said, aghast.

"What?" he asked, confused by her reprimand.

_"I heard that!"_ she said, blushing severely. He was about to ask her what he had said to make her respond like that, when they reached the front desk.

"Can I help you sir?" the old lady, whose name tag read Esme, muttered, clearly bored.

James leaned forward eagerly, pulling Lily a little because they were still holding hands, and putting one arm on the counter, he said rather hurriedly, "Lily Ev—Potter, checking out."

"Ah, the miracle case," She said, a spark of interest entering her eyes now. "Yes, yes, hold on a sec." and she started flipping through papers by magic, and upon finding Lily's file, she waved her wand, and some writing that James couldn't read came up, and that was it. Lily was dismissed from the hospital, and they could finally go_ home._ To pack. For their _honeymoon!_

"Where are we?" Lily asked, once they had come out of the apparition point selected for wizards and witches coming or going from Godric's Hallow, over half of which's population was comprised of a magic community.

"Godric's Hallow," He explained. "A very historical town, birth place of Godric Gryffendor, and some of my ancestors."

"So you, what? Bought a house here?" she asked, and he couldn't quite understand her expression.

"you don't like it?" he asked, he had been absolutely sure that this was something—

"I love it!" she squealed, as she observed the town before her, a church at the far end of the road, and he instantly relaxed.

"Well, come on then, here's the house." He said, pulling her forwad, but she wouldn't move.

"I don't see it." She explained to the questioning look he gave her, and he laughed,

"Oh yeah. Well, as I was the one who put the spells up, I have to give you the password."

"You created a password?" she asked, giggling slightly.

"Oh yeah," and then he leaned forward and whispered it into her ear, and her eyes got wide, as she took in the now visible house. Quaint, with a Iron Gate and hedge's, behind them was a path leading to the old wooden door, a circular window at the top of it with iron bars. He loved how the door made the house look classically old, like it had once been lost in the middle of the woods, and the town had built itself around it.

It was made of stone, and it was a three-bedroom, two story cottage, as it was described in the house adds of the _Prophet._ It was perfect, very Lilyish, which was all that had mattered to him. Well, it _did_ have a rather large back yard, perfect for Prongslings, and rough quidditch games with Padfoot and Moony, possibly Frank, but Wormtail was terrified of brooms.

He was admiring the house with Lily when she suddenly took off, running at the gate, impatiently pushing it open, then sprinting for the front door. Laughing, he ran after her, "Lily! I'm supposed to carry you!" that stopped her an inch shy of grabbing the door handle.

"Well then get your arse over here and carry me over the threshold!" she cried, jumping impatiently, just as he bent down to knock her legs out from under her. She emitted a small scream, but he caught her, and laughed at her facial expression.

"A bit impatient are we?" he asked, reaching a hand out to open the door. She just nodded, and as the door opened, he was a little scared that her eyes might fall out, they had gotten so big.

Lily was speechless. The house was adorable, and she could only see the stairs and a hallway with two arch ways and one door. Somehow, somebody had gotten a hold of a picture of her family, somewhat regrettably Petunia was in it, but Lily still loved her sister, however tightly strained that love was.

A wedding picture and a vase containing her slightly wilting bouquet from it sat on an end table to the left of the door, and she ran her fingers over the white lilies speechless. James was quiet next to her, letting her take it all in. She also caught sight of an elaborately designed mirror with pictures on either side of it, framed in small strands of wire, curled and bent to form swirls and twirls. The marauders to the left of the oval shaped mirror, and she, Alice, Mary, and Alyssa to the right. This was a room to show all who lived here, and who was a friend.

She silently moved to the left of the stairs to check out the bottom floor first. In the first archway there was a living room with a couch, a loveseat, a coffee table that was made out of beautiful wood, artfully tarnished. A radio was in the corner of the room for news, entertainment, and music. It was odd to Lily that there wasn't a television, but that was from growing up in a muggle home, and it was common for wizarding families to not have one.

James was still fallowing her as she re-entered the hall, then made another left into the kitchen and dining area. The cupboards matched the wood on the coffee table in the other room, as did the table. It was obvious the furniture had been in his family for a while, and she recalled some in Potter Manor that looked fairly the same. A window above the sink overlooked a generous amount of property, and in the back corner of the room there was a back door.

This is how it went, as she traveled through the house, a small downstairs bathroom with a small window, then up the stairs to observe the rooms up there. James had refused to let her into a room which she expected was there's, explaining that it was surprise. One room had the most beautiful coloring, the walls an odd off-white-yellow, that made the setting sun seem absolutely beautiful, and she knew that should she ever, if she could, have children, this would be the nursery.

The other room was just a guest room for now, and it had a simple bed with a bedside table and chest. Then, finally, she got to see her room, and James put his hands over her eyes, making the suspense absolutely terrifying, and thrilling at the same time. She heard the door open, and he whispered into her ear, "Open your eyes," and his hands were gone, and she thought she might faint.

A four poster bed, rather like a large version of the ones in the Hogwarts dormitories save the curtains, was against a pale blue wall, the wood a dark color that didn't match any thing she had seen in the house so far, yet it just simply seemed to belong in this room. The windows on either side of the bed went from floor to ceiling, with sapphire curtains that were pulled back to reveal a rather large willow tree in the back that she had missed before, yet it was beautiful.

It was her room, and there was so much to explore. She found she had her own closet, as did James, and a door led off to a full bathroom, with a bathtub big enough tub for two (at this her grin got bigger. Typical James,) and his and her sinks. A shower behind a glass door was like nothing she had ever seen before, with the water coming out of the ceiling, instead of a shower head connected to the wall.

She was standing and looking out the window when his arms snaked around her waist, pulling her closer. "Do you like it?" he asked huskily in her ear, and she turned in his arms to give him a deep kiss, loving the feel of it, that when with the euphoria she was experiencing at having her own perfect house.

Things started to get heated, and they got slightly farther then they had earlier in the day, in St. Mungo's, when she pulled away, gasping for air. He trailed kisses down her neck that made her shudder, and when she got a murky view of his intents (the insight to his brain was going to take some getting used to) she had to take a step back, to let them both clear their heads.

He groaned in protest, reaching out for her shoulder to pull her closer to him, and she noticed his excitement, and her face grew even redder then it had been before, from all the snogging.

"James," she said, trying to sound stern, but it wasn't any use, as she wanted to as badly as he did. "James, we should wait."

"Screw Hawaii," he mumbled, taking a step to her, because she wouldn't come to him. Her thoughts clouded up and she almost gave in, almost. But she wanted it to be special, and as much as this was a special moment, receiving a house and all, but she had always imagined her first time being on her Honeymoon, and that was how she was going to keep it.

"Screw _in _Hawaii." She corrected, and then her eyes got wide. That was something vulgar Sirius would say, and she had to put that out there. "In the words of Padfoot." She quickly amended to his shocked expression.

He laughed, gruff as it was, she could tell he was coming to his senses slightly. "You torture me Lils." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Maybe it was worse when you knew it was going to happen, but you knew you had to wait. Maybe they should have just done it spontaneously, before they spontaneously combust.

"Just pack, we have half an hour before we have to leave." She said, moving to her beautiful closet.

"And so it begins."

:.:.:.:

Torture. Agony. Laceration. Persecution. Suffering. What other synonyms where there? Lily had thought that waiting was hard at the house? Well, that was nothing in comparison to sitting on a plane for too many hours, unable to do more then peck James on the cheek without risking embarrassment. It was maddening.

To make it even better, James was extremely paranoid from the time they got onto the plane, to when they landed in Honolulu. For about an hour he was gripping her hand tensely, muttering about brooms and how he preferred them to flying boxes. But the Ministry couldn't get a Portkey to Hawaii on such short notice.  
So it was with great relief (and anticipation) that they landed at the airport, and found a taxi to their summer home rented out for four days.

They made fun of the Americans, and other peoples they saw there, them being the only ones with a British accent. Some of the things said confused them, but they caught the gist. It was likewise, when James almost forgot his place and tried to pay in galleons, but Lily caught him. She had tried to pay with pounds, insisting that she knew the exchange rate. The Taxi driver ended up calling it in, and having the dispatcher look it up.

They could have kissed the ground when they finally gout out of the cab to see their summer home. It was nothing compared to her gorgeous new house, and they were both tired with Jetlag. While it was now eight in the morning at home, it was ten at night here. Extremely disorienting.

Then it all hit them, opening the door. This was it. _Finally._

James set down their bags at the front door, and fallowed Lily as she ventured forth, checking out where the kitchen was, and the bathroom. The Telly was in the front room, which also served as a sitting room. But as she opened the door to the master bedroom, something caught her shoulder, and she was whirled around to face her husband. She caught a glimpse of his face, sending her heart into adrenaline filled frenzy, and then she was being kissed like she had never been kissed before, a deep urgency that stunned her for a couple seconds, before she responded just as eagerly.

He didn't even ask for entrance, his tongue just forced itself in, exploring her depths, and she couldn't help but thinking it was foreshadowing, and she shuddered. He was tugging at her shirt, and she lifted her arms up, breaking the kiss to allow him to throw it across the room, but went back immediately, tugging his out of his jeans after pushing his unnecessary coat off his shoulders.

Once she had his shirt off, she started to explore his chest for a few seconds with the tips of her fingers, while he ravished her neck. Her fingers got lower and lower, and he shuddered, catching her hand when it got as low as the top of his pants. His shudder sent a thrill through her, and she was feeling hot, and woozy. Then she felt his fingers fumbling with the clasp to her bra on her back, and she closed her eyes, instinctively arching as he swiftly pulled it away, just as her knees hit the edge of the bed. She hadn't realized they had been backing up, or in his case, moving forward, but it didn't really matter.

She blushed intensely when he leaned back to examine her, at least that was what it felt like. Then he started to kiss her again, a warm hand resting on her chest, and it was driving her crazy. She was thankful he hadn't worn a belt as she fumbled with his jeans, as it would have taken up time, and that was something neither of them wanted.

Soon, everything was flying by in a whirlwind of colors and sensations that confused her, that left her craving more. When they both had no more clothes to shed away, he pushed her back gently onto the bed, and he was careful not to put all his weight on top of her, as she moved my instinct, mumbling his name. The house could have been on fire and they may not have noticed.

"I need you." She whispered into his ear, and he pulled back to look into her eyes. Unsaid things passed through them, and then everything exploded. The pure ecstasy of it all nearly sent her drowning into unconsciousness, and she heard him gasp her name, as she moaned his. They had always known they were a perfect match in something's, but now it came together physically for them, like two pieces of a puzzle.

Lily and James Potter. It had a ring to it that told people that they were meant to be. Neither of them had felt anything like it before, and as they lay together silently, her head on his chest and a leg wrapped around one of his, it may have been impossible to ever leave each other again.

He rolled over and kissed her softly, lovingly. "I love you, Lily Potter." He whispered.

She closed her eyes, feeling his hand on her bare waist, hearing him breathing, everything was purely _him._ "I love you too."


	18. Reunions, Bad News, And a Traitor

"Oi!"

Remus turned to the familiar voice that was calling out to him, with a faint smile. One of his best friends was running towards him, holding the hand of a pretty, dark haired girl. A new development as far as he was concerned.

"You look terrible Moony!" Sirius said with a knowing smile. "The love couple wanted me to tell you they said bye. And the testosterone filled side wanted me to tell you he said sorry we couldn't be there to help with your—Er—Furry little problem."  
Sirius looked on top of the world, and while the girl, otherwise known as Chasidy Lithmen, a ravenclaw who had sworn against ever going out with Sirius Black.

He gave Sirius an appraising look. "Speaking of testosterone filled, what's this Padfoot?" he asked, indicating the fact that Sirius had wrapped an arm around Chasidy's shoulder.

"Well you see, I was in the leaky cauldron, and was trying to get drunk out of my mind, when she stopped me." Remus knew better then to ask _why _he had been trying to get drunk out of his mind, "And it just kind of spit balled from there.

"How long ago was this?" Raising a skeptical eyebrow, he knew that it had probably been two days ago, as Sirius was _very _notorious for three day relationships. His record was four.

"Two weeks."

Remus tripped over his own feet, and nearly ran into an elderly witch outside the owl emporium. "Sorry," he muttered to her, and stood up strait to see that Sirius was laughing at him.

"I do have a heart Moony."

"Distorted as it is." Remus muttered. "Well, congratulations, I'm sure this is a revolution for you."

They were quiet for a few seconds, before Sirius insisted on going into Zonko's

"You're so immature…" Chasidy muttered, though she was smiling slightly.

"You talk!" Moony and Padfoot said at the same time.

She merely rolled her eyes. "I can do a lot of surprising things." And Remus simply had to look away, because he was positive that wasn't meant for him.

:.:.:.:

"Roses are red

Lilly's are white

Let me tell you my darling

You look a fright."

Well, if anything was going to wake her up, that was. She snorted, and turned in his arms so that she was facing him. "You look a little rumpled yourself." She said with a smile on her face.

He kissed her nose, and smiled. "Well, my hair is _always _messy, you have no excuse."

"Oh really? I believe that it's your fault to begin with."

"Wear your hair back then."

"Now, would you really like that James? I was under the impression you loved me _because _of my hair."

"Now that's not fair," He protested, pulling her closer. "I love you for your body too." He whispered into her ear, making her giggle.

"Oh," she said a little breathlessly. "Well, if that's all, I think I'm going to take a shower." She sat up, bunching the sheets in front of her chest and sat up, arching her back to stretch it.

His hand was suddenly resting on the small of her back. He lifted her hair off her neck and kissed her many times there, causing her to shiver slightly.

"Mind if I join you?" she heard him ask in a husky voice.

"Well, do I really have a choice?" she asked him, trying to concentrate on remembering how to breathe.

"Nope!" he exclaimed, his tone changing rather abruptly, and he picked her up, so quickly that it made her dizzy, and ran into the bathroom with her.

:.:.:.:

Later on, in the leaky cauldron, Sirius, Chasidy, and Remus were having a rather tasty lunch.

"So when are they coming back?" Remus asked.

"Tomorrow."

"So soon?"

It took a moment for Sirius to answer, it being a touchy subject with him as well. "Harold isn't getting any better. Actually, he's getting worse."

Stunned into a silence, the only thing Remus could think to say a minute later was, "Oh."

"Yeah…." Sirius muttered. "Of course, Alyssa's memorial service is in three days, and Dumbledore told me that he would like our presence at a meeting next week."

"Has anyone told Lily yet?" Chasidy asked a small frown on her face. "About Alyssa."

"I don't really know…" Sirius said uncertainty. "I don't think so though. I think everyone has been preoccupied with the fact that she woke up so soon."

There was another silence as they all ate, while deep in thought. It could go both ways, and depending on the mood Lily's in, she would either be really mad that no one told her, or too overcome with grief on the brutal death of one of her friends, that it wouldn't occur to her that she had been in the dark.

"What's this meeting about?"

Sirius shrugged. "Dumbledore just said that it was time for a change, and said that we were to meet at a secret location on Monday evening."

"Where is it?" Chasidy asked, finishing her last bit of butterbeer.

"Dunno." Padfoot answered. "Apparently we'll be informed Monday morning."

"Well that's helpful," Remus muttered, throwing a galleon on the table and standing up. "Lunch's on me. I have to get back to work."

Sirius wooted. "Got a job did you Moony? That's great!"

Remus' look turned grim. "It's under the counter, and unofficial. He said he can't let people know someone like me works for his company. But it's money." Sighing, he put a jacket on. "And I'm behind in rent."

:.:.:.:

"Okay, ready?" Lily asked, giggling at James' silly position. "One, two, three!" When she snapped the picture, her ankle rolled in the sand and she fell forward on top of the silly, elaborate sand castle that James had spent two seconds on (literally, it was charmed.)

Upon falling to the ground, the camera went off, just as James was sliding off the Sand mound that was the castle, to help Lily, laughing hysterically.

"Oh shut it James." She said, though smiling. "As I recall, you're the one who fell off that rock and onto that poor fish this morning."

He made a pouting face, and threw a handful of sand at her.

"Hey!" She yelled, wiping it off her neck. "That went down my shirt!" She wasn't really wearing a shirt, more like a bikini top, but still, rather uncomfortable.

A sly grin became plastered to his face. She knew that look, and she stood up, ready to run.

"Why don't you let me get it out for you?" he asked, standing also. Shaking her head vigorously, she ran off screaming, "You'll never get to go there ever again!"

"That's what you think!" he called back, and made to move. But little did he know, when the castle had collapsed, his leg had been buried to the knee. So instead of going anywhere, he fell face first into the sand.

He looked up, hearing Lily's gleeful laugh, but couldn't find her. "Bloody women." He muttered, pulling his leg free.

He fallowed her footsteps in the sand, but they ended at the grass line, and he was at a loss. "Lily?" he called, but got no reply, so he shook his head, sand flying out of his hair, and went into the house. "Lils?" he asked again, slightly smiling. "Come on, I'm sorry I threw sand at you. Please don't ban me for life."

He expected to hear her laugh, but instead all he heard was a small, choked sob.

His heart started beating rapidly, and a million different explanations as to why she was crying went through his head. She couldn't be mad at James, she had been laughing with him not two minutes ago. There weren't any Death Eaters, or other dangerous wizards for that matter, because there were protective charms all around the house. So the only explanation left was that she was hurt.

"Lily!" he called, running down the hallway in the direction he had heard her cry, this time there was no humor in his voice. Turning into the kitchen, he saw Lily, with her back to him, looking out the window. She was shaking violently, and before he got the chance to ask he what was wrong, her right arm dropped to her side, and a piece of parchment slipped through her fingers.

He silently walked over and picked it up. There, he realized that the huge thing he had forgotten, or had been subconsciously putting off, had come back to bite him. It read:

_Dear Mr. and Mrs. James Potter._

_It is our request that you come to the memorial service_

_Of our cousins Amy and Jackson Stern, and their daughters_

_Alyssa and Jamie, who died this past month at the hands_

_Of those determined to wreak havoc on the world._

_Sunday, July thirteenth at the Stern's home_

_3:00pm. Send your reply with sending owl._

He was stunned into silence, unsure of what Lily's reaction would be towards him. After a few seconds, however, he realized that it was his duty to try and make her feel better, no matter what. So he walked up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Her body went rigid, and then she turned in his arms, and started smacking his shoulders and chest. "You didn't tell me! You-you—and Alyssa—dead—but--you!" and she smacked him hard once more, before completely breaking down, and crying into the crook of his neck.

He stroked her hair softly, looking over her head unseeingly. "I'm sorry Lily, I…I forgot. You had waken up, and Sirius was finally settling down, everything seemed so…_good. _I guess I didn't want anything tainted with bad news."

He held her as she cried for almost fifteen minutes, before she pulled away, and started digging around in drawers.

"What are you doing?" he asked slowly, not wanting to set her off again.

She sniffed and whipped her eyes. "I need a pen. We are going, right?" Her eyes narrowed as she turned to face him, and even if he had wanted to object to go, he wouldn't have replied with anything but a "Yes, of course."

He was reluctant to make conversation with her, worried about her reaction. He knew her to spend a whole day crying over something, and now she was done in a matter of moments?

She scribbled a hasty 'yes' on the back of the parchment and tied it to the brown barn owl he hadn't noticed, waiting diligently on the windowsill.

Lily walked back over to her husband and gripped him around the waist, still evaluating her life.

This war had ruined a lot in her life for her. Her ability to have children, her wedding, her friends, and now her honeymoon seemed to be teetering on the edge of disaster because of a simple letter. But she wanted to remember these few days as some of the best in her life, not as the days she found out about the death of a close friend.

She knew she could feel that this would not be the first letter like this she would receive. She also knew that Alyssa would have kicked her arse if she had called quits because of her.

There was a time; there would be a time, to mourn for her lost friend. That was not now. It was this Sunday where she would gather with everyone else to recognize the passing of a wonderful person and her family into a better place. A place without turmoil, and fear, ignited just by going out in your own back yard at times.

She knew that James was confused at her reaction, but she didn't want to explain herself. It would take too long, and he still probably wouldn't understand.

Lily looked into her husband's hazel eyes and smiled sadly. "You know I love you, right?"

An expression of relief crossed his face as he leaned so that their foreheads were touching. Slowly, they started to sway without realizing it. "I love you too." He whispered, placing a hand on her waist gently.

She brought her arms up around his neck, and for a while they just danced together in the kitchen, watching the beautiful sunset over the Hawaiian horizon.

:.:.:.:

Peter Pettigrew stared out the window of his shabby apartment, waiting for the owl that would be carrying his next orders. The fear of his life was not doing well for him, and as he scratched his head in worry, a few more hairs floated to the ground. He was going bald, and rapidly.

Should any of his friends ask, he hadn't been around because he was to busy with work, or he was embarrassed at his obvious hair loss. But really he was terrified that they would see right through him, and realized that he had committed the most treacherous, unspeakable, dirty thing. He had joined the dark side, because he had no values. No bravery, or boldness, nothing that a Gryffindor possessed, and he wondered why he had been sorted to that house to begin with.

The letter saying Lily had woken from her coma, and that they were off to the honeymoon, lay on his desk, beside a letter from Remus that was just chatty and friendly. He missed the ever present protection his three friends had provided him, and it was probably because they had not been with him, that he was in this jam to begin with.

But they all have lives now. Remus had managed to scrape a job, James was married, and according to Remus, Sirius had finally settled down with the feisty Ravenclaw Peter had always secretly nurtured a liking for.

James and Sirius were always the ones to get the girl, Peter realized with a sad sigh. His hopes had been utterly crushed in sixth year, when it turned out the one girl he had ever been in a serious relationship with, was only using him to get closer to Sirius. Jealous of his friends, yes… but was it worth their lives?

Peter jumped as a hawk-owl screeched while tapping impatiently with its beak on the window.

With shaking hands, he retrieved the letter, and when he opened it, he realized that his friends might very well be in danger.

_Monday night, the Order of the Phoenix is meeting. Be there, and get a list of all the members. _

:.:.:.:

That night was rather like the previous one. She found that while engaged in moments of passion, she could forget everything around her. It cleared her head, and made her happy. But like all good things, they must come to an end.

Breakfast was sad, but not because they had to attend a memorial service, or visit a rapidly deteriorating father, but because they knew the moment they left this peaceful place full of love and happiness, they were submerging themselves once more into the dark war at home.

James mentioned while they were packing that it would be nice to just movie to Hawaii, away from everything so they could just be. But she knew he could never leave Sirius, Remus, and Peter behind, and Alice was back home planning a wedding.

Things like the Wedding, the Weasley's newborn twins James had told her about, were all bright stars in a dark night sky. Closing the door to the beautiful cottage they would probably never see again, and taking James' hand, she realized that someday the sun would come up, and finally shine through all this dark and dismall overcast.


	19. The Order Strikes Back

The next few days were rather mixed with emotions in a way that made her feel confused and at some points, sick. There was, of course, the euphoric feeling of being newly-weds, and of seeing their friends once more, and being able to call her self Mrs. James Potter.

James seemed particularly fond of calling her by her new surname, and she would occasionally hear things like, "Hey, Potter! Wanna go on a date with me?" At which point she would turn to face him with a saucy grin on her face. "What makes you think I would go on a date with _you?"_

It was a fun little game, and it probably seemed stupid to anyone outside of their glowing circle. But, like always, life goes on, and for them, life was grief, loss, and constant fear.

She had cried at Alyssa's memorial service, but that was is. After visiting her grave and laying flowers next to her white marble tombstone, she turned away and silently swore to herself that she would avenge Alyssa's death, and she would do it proudly, without tears.

Then, Monday night came. Lily had only found out about the meeting two days prior, during one of Sirius' random visits. It was a funny story, how he had interrupted her and James, but now as she gazed around the room at many Hogwarts graduates like herself, maybe a year or two older, except for Alice, Frank, Remus, and Sirius. There were thirty one of them in all, and they were all antsy to hear what Dumbledore had to say.

The atmosphere of the room was tense with excitement, but also worry, as many of them were away from family, and the Death Eaters were becoming more and more active, as their numbers rose.

Finally, Dumbledore stepped into the room, beaming like he had received the best news, and indeed he had.

His smile was reassuring to the crowd, and he spread his arms in a gesture of welcome. "Ah, I see so many faces I have not had the pleasure of seeing for a while. And while then, you were my students, I am now just Albus."

Lily smiled to herself. It would seem weird addressing him by his first name, and not 'Professor.'

"I asked you all here today to ask you a position in a little club of mine, but first," he said, holding up a finger as the room grew restless, "First, I have some very good news!" He paused as if he expected them all to start guessing, and then carried on. "It is always lovely to have a little more love in this world! I am proud to say that Professor Sprout has eloped! Bless her heart…"

There were many cat calls, and shocked exchanges. With Dumbledore, you can never expect anything normal from him, but indeed it was wonderful to hear that two more people were a little happy in these desperate times.

"And we would also like to welcome back our newly weds."

Blushing, Lily glanced at her husband, just as he leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, but missed and got her lips instead. Part of her was embarrassed, but the hormonal side just simply said, 'oh well!'

Chuckling, Albus got down to business. "How many of you have heard about the Order of the Phoenix?"

Well, of course there was the rumor of it floating around now, but Lily and James had personal experience with it, as His mother and father had been in it, and they had harbored she and James a couple of times. They raised their hands.

Once explaining what the Order did, he told the room that since everyone present had not proved themselves trustworthy, and that was why they were not located at actual head quarters.

So they would be tested with various tests and missions. Nothing too important that would change the world, or, at least, the outcome of this tedious and dangerous war. But they would be challenging, and would prove their loyalty.

Everyone was given a few minuets to decide what they were going to do, and James looked at his wife, excitement in his eyes. "Lily, I think we should do it!"

She knew what it meant to him. His deceased mother had been part of this organization, and, his slowly dying father was a senior member. And she wanted to join the cause as well. It was because of Voldemort that her parents were dead, and she wanted to take her revenge.

"Yes," she replied to her husband, a small smile spreading across her face, "I think it sounds rather fun." That earned her a swift kiss.

They signed the jinxed of parchment, and while she knew this was a good idea, some unsettling thoughts made their way to the back of Lily's mind, as she and James apparated back home.

:.:.:.:

Later that night, Lily was staring into the mirror, inspecting her facial expression. She couldn't decide if she looked worried or happy. Her emotions were everywhere lately and there was something settling unpleasantly in her stomach. Every time she thought about what she had just signed, her gut twisted in fear.

What would this cost her? Would it cost her her friends, or her own life? She closed her eyes to block the tears as her thoughts traveled down a path that could not be allowed. She would do everything she could to make sure James didn't get hurt, until her dying breath.

She could only see one problem with her silent promise, and she rubbed her face wearily. James, she knew, would do anything to protect her as well. So in such a situation, what do they do?

She opened her eyes when she felt his arms snake around her waist. She hadn't even heard him walk in behind her.

"Knut for your thoughts," he whispered, and she sighed and leaned back.

He was playing with her hair, and it was comforting to her. She released the air she had been holding captive in her lungs, and said quietly, "What will this mean for us James?"

"I don't understand," He said in a confused voice, so she took his hand and led him out of the bathroom.

Plopping down onto the bed, she continued in a strained voice, "Being in the Order, what will it do to us? I'd do anything to keep you safe, anything," she swore to him, looking to his eyes. What his gaze returned nearly knocked her breathless, and she had to look away so she could continue her train of thought. "I know you're big headed enough to want to keep _me _safe. So what—"

She was cut off as his lips mashed with hers suddenly. He had pounced so quickly that she held her breath in shock for a couple seconds, and then kissed him back with an eagerness to rival his own.

Needless to say, in the heat of all the passion, the conversation was left alone for a good hour or so, until they collapsed beside each other, chests heaving.

They caught their breaths, and James turned towards her, a hand supporting his head. "I have an idea," he announced tenderly, making a trail down her arm with his fingertips, causing her to shiver. "How about we protect each other?"

She smiled, knowing that this plan could indeed work. She certainly felt confidently enough with his arms around her, as she drifted off to sleep.

:.:.:.:

Their promises to each other were about to be put to the test, when two weeks later, they were called to their first task for the Order. It had seemed odd to Lily that all the other new-comers had already had jobs assigned to them, yet James and Lily were allowed to stay at home, thoroughly enjoying the other's company.

Sirius was the one who pointed out the reason, after proclaiming jokingly that he and Chasidy were going to elope so he could get a few weeks off as well.

This statement made her thoughtful. It was definitely something Dumbledore would do, give the very much in love newly-weds a little time off to enjoy their new status. Well, she wasn't complaining, but she was still antsy being stuck in the house for the better part of two weeks. It just wasn't as safe outside as it used to be.

She and her husband were sitting together eating breakfast when the owl came. It soared gracefully through the open window, and landed between the two Potters, as the letter was addressed to the both of them.

James got to it first, his brow furrowing fractionally as he read it and handed it over to her. "Action time," he said eagerly, but his expression was one of someone trying to hide their worry. He pulled out his wand and summoned his robes, instinctively running a hand through his very untidy black hair.

"_Lily, James. The Order requires your assistance at once. Get instructions at Headquarters. –A. Dumbledore." _She read out, experiencing an uncomfortable sinking feeling. "What do you think it means?" she asked, trying to stay calm, and taking James's lead of getting her robes on and drawing her wand.

He shrugged. "I don't know." But his tone made it sound like he had some sort of an idea.

Mad-Eye's house was packed with thirty or so confused people, and it took Lily and James a good five minutes to locate their friends. Alice and Frank were present, holding hands and a glimmering engagement ring on her petite finger caught the light, catching the attention of many along with it.

Sirius and Chasidy were having some sort of conversation Lily was sure she didn't want to hear, as they were grinning cheekily at each other, wrapped together like a complicated pretzel.

Remus looked just as pale and ragged as he always did, and he and Peter stood beside each other, talking like they were good friends catching up, which they were.

"Hey Pete!" James said in a gleeful voice, wrapping his short friend in a manly one armed hug, "Didn't know you were in the Order too!" It could have been taken as an insult, if James wasn't grinning like it was the best thing that ever happened to him, seeing his friends.

This caused her a pang of sadness. There were a great many things she could do for James, and he claimed she was all he needed. Yet she knew that there were things she couldn't give him, like what the other marauders could give. He needed out of the house more, and he needed what ever time he could get with his friends. It would be fairly limited in the future.

She kissed him lightly on the cheek and danced over to Alice, where they had barely gotten into a discussion on the wedding, when there was a loud crack and the room went silent.

In the front of the large (fortunately) sitting room, was Albus Dumbledore. He wasn't wearing his usual knowing smile, and his eyes didn't have the famous twinkle. He was in full on emergency mode, and the entire room knew the situation was dire. Why else call in the help of the inexperienced?

"In about," he looked down at his watch, "Ten minutes time, the Death Eaters will attack Diagon Ally." A collective gasp went around the room, however Dumbledore plowed on. "All the senior members of the Order are stationed at critical points, however the Death Eaters outnumber them two to one."

He was rushing, and it would make everyone more confused when the time came to fight. Where were the Order stationed? What are the Death Eater's after? How did he know about the attack? Apparently there was no time for him to answer these questions.

"When I send the signal to you all here, you will come as unexpected reinforcements. As far as I am aware, Voldemort does not know of you all as new recruits, though that will come to an end today." Glancing at his watch once more, and taking a step towards the door, he reminded them all, "On my signal. Watch and be ready." And he left the room in a swish of cloak.

The room was completely silent.

You could have heard a pin drop.

Yet it was so loud as well. Lily felt as if she could hear everyone's heart beats accelerate with adrenaline, fear, and excitement. She saw James, Remus, and Sirius put their heads together, while Peter looked petrified. Pete was great, but she often wondered why he had been placed in Gryffindor.

Sirius and James both turned in unison and walked over to where Lily, Alice, Frank, and Chasidy were.

"Listen—"James started out, his gaze purposefully not meeting her own.

"You're staying," Sirius said bluntly to Chasidy, also looking anywhere but at her.

"And you're staying with her." James amended, and she knew this was directed at herself. Her blood boiled beneath her skin, and she was glaring daggers at him, while Chasidy had actually scoffed.

"You're insane if you think I'm letting you go by yourself Sirius Black."

"You know why." Sirius said pointedly. "You know why you have to stay Chasidy." His voice was soft and tender, and Lily saw defeat flash through the Ravenclaw's eyes. What was going on?

"Fine." Lily snapped. "Chasidy stays, that's you're problem." She muttered, and then turning to face her husband. "What are you playing at James Harold? If you have a good reason for making me stay, then tell me. Otherwise, I'm going."

"You cant Lily," he begged, his tone fearful and quiet so that the surrounding people could not hear. "Please, keep Chas company."

Lily closed her eyes, trying to control her temper. Just two weeks ago they had promised. They would protect each other, and as much as this showed how worried for her he was, that still didn't mean she wouldn't go.

"Do you think," Lily hissed, "That I can just stay here and wait for you to come back? What if it was me fighting and you had to wait like a good little boy for me to come back? What would that _do _you!?" It was becoming harder to keep her voice at the sane level, as her anger flared and scorched inside.

In his eyes, she saw so many different emotions, she was sure she missed some. Acknowledgement, fear, guilt, defiance. "I can't…" he said in a harsh voice that caught her of guard. It sounded pained. "I can't lose you again Lily."

She had forgotten all about her special ability to see into his mind, and she had wondered why it hadn't really sprung into action since she left the hospital. It was something to ask, but right now, she was lost in his own emotions, knowing how he had suffered seeing her die like that.

So she raised a hand to cup his cheek, bringing his face down to hers. But she didn't kiss him, she just closed her eyes and leaned her cheek against one of his, taking in his scent.

"I'm going." She insisted. She felt how it tortured him, but she turned him out. It would be distracting enough to feel her own worry for him, and she didn't need to tap into his fear for her as well.

At that moment, a phoenix in the form of a patronus came, opened its beak, and Dumbledore's voice filled the room. "It is time."

:.:.:.:

They had apparated right into the middle of an intense battle between a masked Death Eater and Fabian Prewitt. Lily ducked to avoid being hit with an unknown purple curse, pulling James down with her.

Everywhere around her, she heard the pops of apparition, as her fellow comrads came to the rescue.

She and James crawled away from under the duel, popped back up into a standing position, and starting dueling the first Death Eaters they could find. Back to back, they dueled their opponents forcefully. She and James were holding hands, so that they could move one another out of the way of any on-coming spells from their side.

Lily had to sidestep a killing curse aimed her way, dragging James with her. By a stroke of luck for them, and misfortune for James's Death Eater, the killing curse soared over her left shoulder and hit the Death Eater square in the face.

Before she knew what was happening, James had turned around so that Lily was behind him, and he was dueling her opponent. It was valiant, but it irked her. She was just as good at dueling as he was. So she took a look around, noticing that Sirius was battling two at a time, so she decided to help him out by paralyzing one of them.

Sirius yelled back a hurried thanks, and ran after his retreating Death Eater.

Everywhere around her, down the streets of Diagon Ally, was in absolute turmoil, and she sprinted through the crowds, fighting occasionally, and aiding those who were wounded.

She had just stunned a blonde, when she had to jump over a very small, crouched and quivering body. Lily stopped in her tracks, and bent down to see it was a small girl, sobbing into her arms with her knee's pulled up to her chest. She was right in the thick of things, with her back against the stone outside all of the Owl Emporium. It was a wonder she hadn't been hit with anything.

She was dark skinned, with black hair that was the same shade as James. Instantly casting a shield charm around them for momentary protection, she scooped the small girl from the ground and ran into a deserted alley and into a doorway.

The small girl was crying still, and Lily tried desperately to get her to stop.

"Hello," she said in the most comforting voice she could muster, "My name is Lily. Where are your parents?" surely any parent would have taken their child away from this.

The girl looked up, wiped her eyes, and looked around. The sounds of the battle were still loud, but where they were, they couldn't see anything. "I was with my auntie." She wailed. "She got hit by a shiny green spell, and I don't know what happened to her."

Lily closed her eyes, feeling terrible for this girl. So young, and already witnessing the death of a loved one. "What's your name?"

"Angie." She whispered.

"Okay Angie, I'm going to take you somewhere safe until the fight is over, and then we'll help you find your parents, okay?"

The only response Lily got was a small nod, and, after warning the girl that it would be uncomfortable, disapparated with Angie in her arms, right back into the sitting room, where Chasidy was pacing anxiously.

"Lily!" she exclaimed, rushing over, but stopping at the sight of the gasping girl in her arms. "Who's this?"

"Her name is Angie. Chas, could you take care of her? Until I get back? James is probably freaking out right not. I kind of left him after he decided to take over a duel I was doing just fine with." Some of Lily's self-righteous anger flared up once more.

"Sure, sure." Chasidy said, taking the girl into her arms. "Hey, don't get too mad at James," she advised. "He only has your best interests at heart."

"Yeah, I know." Lily sighed. "See you in a bit."

"Be careful."

Lily reappeared in the sane alley she had left from, and for a second, wasn't sure why her heart had started to accelerate, or why she had the sudden urge to run for her life.

From the shadows stepped none other the Lord Voldemort.

"Well well…." He murmured, though it sounded comparatively closer to a snakes hiss. "I came to see how my forces can hold out, and instead I find myself in the presence of a mudblood."

She knew that she should be scared, but her thinking process had gone oddly clear, and she was thinking of ways to get away. She couldn't think of any. She had to buy herself time.

"I'm sorry if the fact that I can take out your fighters insults you. I can leave if you want." She sneered.

Lily was closer to the mouth of the alley then she had been when she disapparated, and she could see people running back and forth in hurry, not sparing a glance into the alleyway.

The man before her chuckled, "Ah, such courage. It is truly a shame that you're not of magic blood, or I would gladly welcome you into our ranks."

"I would rather die." Lily spat, glaring at him.

"Well, you may find that could be arranged." He whispered, and genuine fear shot through her. "Ah, yes. You are scared to die, aren't you Mrs. Potter? Yes, I never did thank you for the invitation to your beautiful wedding. I was quite an event." His whisper had turned into a taunt.

"Well," Lily said slowly, gripping her wand a little more tightly, "I never conveyed my appreciation that you came to the event." And with that, her wand flicked up, and she sent a silent stunner at him, which combined with two other spells she didn't recognize that came from the end of the alley.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Sirius running towards her, and James had already joined her at side. "All right honey?" he asked a bit sarcastically, as Voldemort deflected all three curses.

"Never better," Lily muttered, and the most violent and involved fight Lily had ever been in started. Voldemort was just as strong as the three of them combined, but she was at least a little happy to see a sweat on his brow.

And then, Sirius got hit with a stray stunner, and collapsed right onto Lily's right ankle, making her twist it. The tears sprang to her eyes, but she couldn't leave her husband to defend herself, so she bravely kept her weight on it, and together, she and James held off Voldemort, until cries of celebration came from the main road.

"Until next time," Voldemort said sleekly, and then he disappeared.

A cry of mingled relief and pain escaped Lily's mouth, and she collapsed to the ground, clutching at the ankle. James sat beside her, and she could feel his relief, so overwhelming that he couldn't think coherent thoughts for about a minute as he hugged Lily gently.

Finally he pulled back, his eyes shining slightly, and that was when she realized she had tears streaming down her face, though she wasn't really sure what the reason was. It could have been any number of things.

"How's your ankle?" he asked, eyeing her.

"I think I twisted it." Lily admitted, breathing as slowly as she could. "And I probably made it worse standing on it."

"I'll carry you," James said seriously.

Smiling slightly, "Very gallant of you James, but don't you think you should wake Sirius up first?" she asked, slightly amused.

He looked shocked, then ashamed that he had forgotten his best friend. Nodding, he pointed his wand at Padfoot and revived him.

It took a while for Sirius to come back to his full senses, and a little while longer for him to stop apologizing. But eventually, they made their way back out to the rest of the Order, who were looking around, all looking extremely worried.

James had insisted carrying Lily, though she felt a bit silly now for letting him. It was just her ankle….

Remus saw them, nudged Frank and Alice, who all looked extremely relieved. Peter was no where to be seen.

"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Potter, Mr. Black, what had you so preoccupied?" Dumbledore asked, giving them an appraising look, "We were going to send out a search party."

Sounding as if he wanted to forget the whole incident with a nice big bottle of fire whisky, James muttered, "Voldemort."

The group went silent, and Dumbledore looked momentarily shocked, then he smiled. "Congratulations."

That's when it hit both the Potters. They had just dueled the strongest wizard in the world, apart from Dumbledore himself.

:.:.:.:

In all the confusion, Lily had almost forgotten that she had left Chasidy at Headquarters with an unknown child, whose parents were probably going crazy with fear. She wished she knew what that kind of fear was.

The clean-up was almost done, or at least, what could be cleaned up was done. There were a lot of buildings that would need repair, and some things couldn't be replaced with magic. However, she, Alice, Frank, and the marauders left for head quarters a little early. Sirius eager to see Chasidy once more and the others just wanting a good long nap.

The walked through the front door, to find Chasidy sitting at the kitchen table, drumming her fingers on the table impatiently. When she heard the door snap shut, she stood and ran to engulf Sirius in a hug.

"Oh, I was so worried," she whispered.

"Chas," Lily asked, "where's Angie?"

Wiping her eyes and pulling away, but keeping a firm hold on Sirius's hand, she looked at Lily. "She told me her last name, and I took her home to her parents."

"Oh," Lily said, finally sinking into a chair. She still needed a healer to look at her ankle. She had only cast a numbing charm on it, and it was wearing off. "How did they take to the news?"

"The mother cried, it had been her sister with the little girl in Diagon Alley. But they were thankful we saved their daughter. They told me to pass on their fervent thanks."

Lily nodded, just happy the girl made it home. Then something occurred to her. "If I know you Chaisdy, and I think I know you well enough…" This caught their room's attention, and just as Remus, Alice and Frank had made their way into the room.

"And?" Chasidy asked rather nervously.

"You wouldn't just let Sirius make you stay home. What's going on?" Lily inquired, with a smirk on her face. She had caught them hiding something, and she intended to know what.

"Well…" she started, and Remus was looking back and forth between the two woman like he was watching a fast paced tennis match.

Sirius stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around Chasidy, his hands resting on her flat stomach. "Hey Prongs," he started.

"Yeah?" James asked surprised at being addressed.

"Will you be the godfather?"


	20. Letters

The rain was lightly tapping the window, so quietly that it wouldn't wake Chasidy, asleep in a rocking chair, her hand holding her now five month pregnant belly. Lily gazed out the window, arms wrapped around her midsection, with a single tear sliding down her cheek.

She missed her husband terribly, and would wake up in the middle of the night, her hand searching for what hadn't been there for almost two weeks now.

Chasidy stayed with Lily when Sirius and James had been called into action, and remained with her, because they were both lonely now. But at least Chasidy had a piece of Sirius with her wherever she went, she had what Lily so desperately wanted, and could never have.

Precious moments have been wasted, and in times like these, she needed her husband more then ever. Wiping the tears away discretely, Lily crossed the living room, into the small room used as an office, and sat at the desk. Pulling out a piece of parchment, she began the letter.

_James, November 1st, 1977_

_ I can't believe it's already been two weeks. I'm glad Sirius suggested Chasidy stayed here with me, because I never would have been able to stay in this house by myself. Any word on when you're coming home? _

_ Oh, Chas wanted me to tell you to tell Sirius that the baby kicked for the first time the other day. He or she has been quiet since then. She also said that she wants to wait until you two come back to see the healer about the sex of the baby. I can't wait to know, me an Alice were planning to lock her out of her own house to decorate the baby's room as a surprise… Tell Alice I said hello too?_

_ How's New York? I've always wanted to see the city, but you probably aren't there are you? I expect you're somewhere well hidden._

_ Peter stopped by the other day, and he seemed more frantic then normal, bless him. The war is getting to everyone. Three muggles were found dead this morning, and two goblins were murdered in London. No dangerous Death Eater activity since you left. At least, those of us remaining haven't been called into battle. I try not to think about my necklace too much, though I play with it without thinking about it. _

_I miss you James, so much. The bed feels foreign, and I dream about you holding me, on the beaches of Hawaii. Please, stay safe for me. If I hear about you getting hurt, I'll make sure Sirius punishes you for it, then I will when you get home… that is, if I could actually make myself comprehend anything other then the fact that your with me, and there's a bed somewhere in the house._

_I love you James, write back when you can. But do _not _compromise your position for me. _

_ All My love,_

_ Lily_

Her eyes were closed, hoping with all her heart that the owl carrying the letter across the pond to James would have a safe and speedy trip. She needed some sort of knowledge that her husband was alive and well.

"Okay, so here's the plan," Moody growled, pointing a dirty finger at a map marked up with notes and routes. "James and Sirius will take look out here in these houses. The apartment buildings across the street is where they are supposedly meeting, and we'll need a count on how many enter. Here," he tossed Sirius a mirror, "I have the other half. Just tell us when you get a count.

"Alice," he pointed at the girl crouched by the fire, trying to keep the chilling cold of winter at bay, "you'll watch the back door just in case some come in there. The rest of us will be positioned, ready for the ambush." He threw her a mirror also.

Sirius raised a hand like he was in class, rather then a poorly made log cabin with dirt everywhere, "Hey, uh, Mad-Eye?" he asked, "What do we do once we get a head count? Join the fight?"

"No." Moody snapped. "At least a few of us have to survive this to report to Dumbledore. He said it was essential we find out how many yanks You-Know-Who is trying to recruit, so you need to tell him that."

"Always the optimist, aren't you mad-eye?" Sturgis Podmore chuckled, rubbing his hands together and blowing into them. Sirius just crossed his arms and 'harrumphed'.

James was quiet, playing with his wedding ring on his left hand, watching the fire. In a certain part, by the bottom, the color was the exact same as Lily's in the sun, and it made him miss her terribly. He had heard his instructions, but just barely.

A feminine hand rested on his shoulder reassuringly. He looked over it to see Alice soon-to-be Longbottom, smiling at him. It was a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I miss her too James. And Frank. We all left someone behind." She looked thoughtful for a minute. "Maybe Dumbledore thought this could get dangerous, and didn't want us concerned for our significant others?"

"Yeah," James sighed, looking back at the fire. "Maybe."

Everyone was silent, many not even aware that Alastor had stopped dishing out instructions. It had been a hard two weeks.

People began moving to their corners of the room, some going to the likely unsafe second-story, all conjuring blankets and pillows. Sleep was a must have for the next day.

Padfoot and Prongs went over to the wall next to the front door. They were laying out blankets when there was a light tapping at the door.

There was a flourish of wands everywhere. No one was supposed to know about this place, and there were anti-muggle enchantments all over it.

Wand drawn in-front of him, Kingsley Shacklebolt put an ear to the door and said, "Declare yourself!" all there was in response was a light tapping noise, but it was low to the ground, not as high up on the door as expected.

Everyone tensed as Kingsley slowed opened the door. Suddenly he chuckled. "I think windows would have come in handy." His low voice rumbled reassuringly, as he bent down to pick up the brown and white owl standing on the doorstep.

James knew that owl.

"Lily!" he cried, relieved, crossing the room to retrieve his owl, a huge smile spreading across his face. Many smiled as well, just relieved they didn't have to fight anyone this late at night. They went back to making beds and some had already started drifting off to sleep as James took the scroll from Antigone's leg.

"Lucky." Sirius muttered as he laid down.

James scanned the letter, happy to hear that all was well at home. Well, as well as it was going to be in the current times. "Oi, Sirius!" James exclaimed, shaking his friend out of his stupor.

"Leave me alone Prongs." He muttered, swatting James' hands away.

"Okay, but there's news about the baby here!"

Sirius sat up immediately, "Boy or Girl?!"

James laughed. "Undetermined. Chas wants to wait to find out for when we get back." That earned a smile from Sirius. "But, your son or daughter kicked for the first time the other day."

"Yeah!" Sirius yelled, pumping a fist. "Did you hear that guys! My little girl can kick!" he screamed, earning a couple hexes aimed his way, and muttered 'shut up!'s.

"Little girl?" Prongs asked, raising an eyebrow.

Shrugging, Sirius replied, "I just have a feeling."

James shook his head, and immediately set off to writing back to Lily before going back to bed. For some reason, Sirius also started a letter.

**_Lils, November 7, 1977_**

**_ I'll send this letter to you as soon as I'm sure it's safe to. I hope that's soon, because that means I'll get a quicker letter back from you. I miss you so much, it hurts. I wish you had been allowed to come with me._**

**_ Sirius is a bit miffed that he cant feel the baby kick, but Dumbledore hinted to us (through Mad-eye) that we'll be home in the next few weeks. The next few hours wouldn't be enough for me. _**

**_ You're right; we're not in the city. We're in a rather rural part of New York, and it's odd. Americans are funny, but also weird. I try not to talk to them much. But there was this one guy, he reminds me of Remus too much. I asked him if he was a werewolf though, and he looked a bit insulted. I guess muggles don't know what they are?_**

**_ I'm glad you haven't been called in yet. It's quiet here, just tedious spy-like work, nothing all that fun. I don't even know why we're here. All we're doing is looking for any signs that You-Know-Who is trying to find followers in the US. Doesn't look like it. Not much of the local wizards and witches know much about him. Just that he's dangerous._**

**_ Speaking of dangerous, if _****you ****_get hurt, I'll never, ever forgive you. Well…maybe if we—_**

** _Ha, I'll leave that one to your imagination. I know what you mean about the bed issue. I'm sleeping on a cot, and I actually rolled over in my sleep, like I could hold you, and fell right off the bed. Sirius never stopped laughing at me, but I hear him in his sleep, he's no better off then me. _**

**_ I have to go. I wish I could write you a novel, but any more then this and I might as well compromise everything if this is intercepted. Besides, I need to get to sleep, I have the next watch in a few hours. _**  
**_ Love you Lils. With all my heart_**

**_ James_**

**_ PS- Sirius wrote a letter for Chasidy. I don't know why he didn't just use his muggle phone, but whatever. It's behind this one. _**

James hated lying to Lily, even if it was in a letter. But if she knew that they were going to potentially fight tomorrow, she'd never get any sleep until another letter came from him. He didn't want her to worry.

Sirius handed James a letter to roll up with the one for Lily, smiling slightly. Then they went to bed.

"Knight to E5." Chasidy mumbled, yawning and stretching her arms above her head.

Lily stood up and walked over to the window, like she'd been doing frequently for the past week and a half. "What if something happened to them Chas?" She fretted, knowing that it was probably unwise to get her hormonal friend worked up.

"I know Lils," Chas said, packing up the chess game she knew was never going to be continued. "I know exactly how you feel, but worrying isn't going to make anything happen. Besides, Dumbledore would have told us—"

She cut off because of a smart rap on the door. Five knocks in a certain pattern that signified a member of the order was on the other side.  
Despite the fact that it should be a member, didn't mean it was, so Lily drew her wand and, pointing at the door, she exclaimed "Declare yourself!"

A familiar voice came through the door, but it was weighed with a sorrow that made Lily's heart beat frantically. "It is I, Albus Dumbledore, founder of the Order of the Phoenix. Inside this house is Lily Potter and Chasidy Lithmen, awaiting news of the group of fighters in America."

Lily opened the door and stepped aside to let her Headmaster in. "Is there any news? What happened Professor?" she begged, twisting her hands together, while Chasidy sank into a chair, looking scared for her life. Or perhaps another's.

Dumbledore closed the door behind him, seeming to think through how he would answer. "I have told you many times now, please, call me Albus."

"Yes, sorry. Would you like to sit down…Albus?" Lily asked timidly.

He held up a hand in polite refusal. "No no, that will be unnecessary Lily. I must be off soon. I only came to tell you…" He trailed off, and the room was tense with bitter anticipation. "Benjy Fenwick was murdered."

The room was silent, then Lily whispered, "But… he was with nine other people!" Lily cried, hoping that James and Sirius were alright. "How did that happen."

"Seven of the fighters ambushed a gathering where an agent from England working under Voldemort—" Chasidy cringed, "—formed a meeting recruiting death eaters. Somehow, even though we outnumbered them by two, Benjy was caught in a multiple crossfire and—" Dumbledore stopped, observing the young woman in front of him. Lily had a hand over her mouth, which was hanging open, and Chasidy had her face buried in her hands.  
"I'll spare you the details." He concluded, knowing the gory end that came to poor Benjy was not something these woman needed. They needed good news. "I do, however, come baring happy thoughts also. You will be happy to know that no harm came to Mr. Potter or Mr. Black."

Lily laughed shakily, wiping away tears she was unaware of shedding.

"Also, before I leave," Dumbeldore said, reaching into his cloak, "I have these. I had to intercept them for your safety. I'm sad to say, there is still a watch on your home." He handed Lily a scroll. "I believe you'll find a letter in there for you as well, Miss Lithmen." He said, bowing his head to them. "Lily, Chasidy, you're servant." And he retreated from the house into the rain.

Lily was already ripping open the scroll, and passed Chasidy her letter, eager to read her own. Chasidy smiled at the familiar writing on her letter.  
****

**Chasidy, November 7, 1977**

** Why, ****_Why _****a Teddy bear? Seriously Chas, I have to hide it or I'll never hear the end of it! Don't get me wrong, I love Mr. Snugglebug, but if James ever found out about him…. What if he hurts Mr. Snugglebug's feelings?**  
**How's the baby babe? I wish I could feel it kick. Have you gotten bigger in the past few weeks? Of course you have, stupid question.**  
**Anyway, what I really wanted to tell you was, I've been thinking a lot about us lately, and I know this isn't the traditional way to do things, but I have to do something about it now, or else I'll never be able to do it. Okay, so I'm not going to write it down, because I actually do want to do it right, and I'm sure you can only guess about what I'm saying.**  
** I know, I'm bad at this. But think about it for me? I know I don't personally don't like surprises, so I thought I'd give you a heads up. **

** Love you baby. Oh, yeah, you too Chasidy**

** Sirius**

The letter slipped from Chasidy's hands in shock.

"What?" Lily asked, looking up from her letter, her smile slowly going away. "Are you okay? Is it the baby?"

She just shook her head, so Lily took the letter from the ground and read it, then glanced at Chasidy, trying to figure out how she really felt.

Then—"how could he do that to me!" Chasidy screamed, scaring Lily. "He proposes to me when he's hundreds of miles away, when I'm just concerned he won't come back!? What the bloody hell was he thinking! What if he doesn't make it? Then I'll be even more crushed if he doesn't come back but OHMYGOD! Lily! He proposed to me! I'M GETTING MARRIED!"

Feeling extremely confused, the only thing she could think of to say was, "he didn't technically propose to you Chas."

"I know that." Chasidy said, frowning. "God, I don't know if I should kill him, or kiss him when he comes home.

"I'm sure you'll do both." Lily chuckled.

Suddenly the special necklace that was developed for female Order members burned against their chests. It glowed pink, which mean that there was going to be a fight, but it wasn't happening right then. They were needed, but had a few minutes to do what they needed.

Lily grabbed a scrap piece of parchment and scribbled a reply to her husband, and tucked it into her pocket. She'd have to ask Dumbledore what happened to their owl when she had the time.

_James, November 14, 1977_

_ If you had proposed to me via letter from across an ocean, I would have said no until you came home and proposed properly. Did you know that Sirius proposed to Chasidy in that letter? Well, not technically, but he hinted heavily at it. Chasidy's a wreck right now, because her pregnancy hormones are going haywire, and now she had this to think about on top of everything else. One moment she's excited, the other she's mad at him for leaving her hanging. _

_ Don't tell Sirius I told you about that though. I'm not supposed to know. _

_ Anyway, when are you coming home? _

_ Miss you, love you_

_ Lily_

_ A boring day of keeping watch came to end in pure panic, as James opened Lily's letter. At first he was eager, then he started to freak out. After telling Sirius that there was no letter for him (to Sirius' dismay) he immediately wrote back, and sent Antigone out the window. He hoped the long travel on the owl wasn't too much on it. _

**Lils, November 21th, 1977**

** Sirius seemed disappointed when Chasidy didn't send a letter back in the mail, but I'm sure she had a good reason, right? **

** Okay, so this is way too casual. I'm literally having a panic attack right now. What happened? Why was your letter so short? You can't do that to me Lily. And I'm not going to get over this until I get your next letter, I don't think my heart can handle that. Maybe I'll go pick a few fights with some dark wizards to deal with my nerves**

** Your loving, frantic, anxious, scared husband****  
**** James**

_JP- Nov. 24 1997_

_ I'm sorry, I can't talk, I need to hurry, they need help. Don't worry about me, do what you need to do._

_ Missing you, loving you always_

_ Lily_

The letter fell from James' hand. Something was wrong. He watched unmovingly as Sirius picked up the letter, scanned it, and ran from the room. There were only three words that made the shelter go up in full panic.

"Trouble at home."

The emergency portkey was an old tea kettle. It wasn't supposed to be used until tomorrow, when they were due home, planning to surprise their family.

Now, James, Sirius, Alice, Marianne McKinnon, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, and Arthur Weasley, all gathered around the kettle, waiting for it to transport them home.

The Prewetts and Weasley had been in a safe house a few miles away, and it had taken Alice a few tries at apparating to find it. Now all that they needed was the password to activate it early, but no one could seem to remember it.

"God damn it!" James shouted. "My wife is in danger!"

"You're wife? How about my girlfriend, who is _pregnant!?"_ Sirius cried, looking like he wanted to hit someone or something in frustration.

"Frank is there!"

"Molly and the boys!"

"What if they set houses on fire, or attacked Hogwarts?"

"I got it!"

The room instantly quieted down, as Fabian squinted at the kettle. "There is strife, and there is trouble, take us home on the double."

The brown kitchen utility suddenly glowed bright blue, and James felt a sensation he never thought he would be glad to feel. Then his feet were on the floor of Mad-eye's kitchen, and the first sight that met their eyes was about six people in black cloaks, wearing sliver masks, and a heap of bloody something (No one wanted to think 'or someone') in the middle of the room. Then there were cries and multiple red flash's, and the sounds of bodies hitting the floor.


	21. Flee

"I will let you go." The man said quietly. It was the first thing he was when he entered the dark room. "I will also let your child live. On two conditions." He kneeled in front of the huddled mass that was Chasidy Lithmen, just entering her third trimester. He smiled gleefully.

"Please take into consideration, my dear, that there is an innocent life at stake," he ran a finger across the top of her pregnant stomach and a violent shudder ran through Chasidy.

She had tears running down her cheeks but she couldn't make a sound. She thought long and hard about what she was probably going to be asked. Could she betray her friends for the life of her child? For Sirius's child? She automatically knew her answer.

Yes.

She nodded to the man before her, hoping this wouldn't harm anyone too extensively or permanently. She wasn't ignorant to hope that no harm would come to anyone. Not in these times anyway.

His white teeth shined in the dark room. "Excellent. First, tell me where the head quarters to the Order of the Phoenix are."

This shocked her. Surely, he would realize that it would be under the fidleus charm. She started to panic. If she couldn't tell him what he needed, he would kill both her and the baby. Her little baby.

"I—I cant tell you that,"—she flinched when his wand arm reacted instinctively, but he controlled himself—" It's under a fidleus charm, Dumbledore's secret keeper."

"Yes, I had surmised as much." He said in a dangerous voice. "I still want to know where it is. I have my ways around such trite protections." Now she was staring at the tip of his wand, and she watched as it's angle dipped a couple degrees to be pointing at her stomach. Terror crashed through her.

"Alastor Moody's home," she gasped out, trying to repress the shock waves coursing through her chest.

"Thank you, that was exactly what I needed. But tell me, if it is under fidleus, why could you tell me where it is?" his voice was deadly now, and it hinted at an extremely unpleasant future. "Did you lie about the charm?"

Chasdiy shook her head from side to side as fast as her neck muscles would allow. "No! Maybe it is down, or they haven't placed it on the house ye—please!" she cried, as he had moved forward, pointing his wand threateningly at her. "Please! I'm telling the truth! That is what I was told a few days ago!"

"You have not been to Head Quarters since?" he demanded.

Shaking her head again, "No."

The silence that fallowed was nearly tangible, and Chasidy held and caressed her stomach like she could comfort her unborn child this way, still crying but making no sound.

"Very well. You are telling the truth to Lord Voldemort. My second request is that you leave your husband and your friends. Flee the country."

This made her look up, surprised and hurt. Leave Sirius? And leave James and Lily behind? She had never been friends with them in school, but they were now, and they were so good to her. "Why?" Chasidy demanded. "Why does it matter to you if I am here or not?"

Voldemort just stared at her. "I have no obligation to tell you my reasons. Just know that you are lucky you and the child will remain alive. This is only because someone pleaded for your life in return for something he did for me. A traitor among those you call friends." Voldemort snapped his fingers, smiling maliciously at Chasidy's eyes, which were wide with confusion and the anger of betrayel as the man stepped out of the shadows.

"_Peter?"_ he only looked down in shame. "How could you do this to them Peter?" Chasidy cried, "They-are-you-_friends!"_

"It matters not!" Voldemort snapped. "See how ignorant and foolish it is to place your life in the hands of others? See how you do not know who are your true friends? Say you will leave the country, and have no more contact with friends or family here!"

Now her tears were accompanied with a sound that would break anyones heart, besides the evil man before her. She nodded. "Please," she whispered. "Let me say goodbye, explain in anyway I can."

"Oh, it is nesicary for you to go back anyway. Someone needs to deliver a…message of sorts to the Order for me. You will go back Chasidy Lithmen, but you have twelve hours to say your goodbyes and meet Peter at the Shrieking Shack for a portkey to America."

Suddenly, she remembered that Sirius and James weren't back yet. But at least she would be able to leave a letter.

"Excellent." Voldemort hissed. "Here is what will happen now," and he aimed his wand at Chasidy's baby. She never heard the incantation he spoke, because of her screaming.

James woke up, trying to blink the blurriness out of his eyes. He groaned, and instantly there were a set of dainty hands on his face. "Oh, James!" the person to who the hands belonged to cried. "I'm so sorry we stunned you! But we were being attacked and Chasidy—" Lily broke off, sounding like she had been crying.

He tried to sit up and she helped him. He looked around the unfamiliar room. "Where am I? I thought we went back to Head Quarters."

"No, we were attacked. Someone got the location and came before Dumbledore had time to establish a fidleus."

James blinked, and finally looked over his shoulder at his wife. She had never looked so beautiful to him, even dirty and worried as she looked. "Oh, Lily!" he said softly, moving to take her into his arms. She threw herself into her husband's arms, and he kissed her hair tenderly, ecstatic to be with her once more.

"James," she sighed softly, looking up and kissing her husband sweetly on the lips. When he started to get a little too into it, she pulled back, blushing. That was when he looked up to realize that the room was full with dirty, fight exhausted people looking away out of respect for their private reunion.

James smiled smiled and ran his fingers along her jaw line softly. "I missed you Lils."

She placed her hand on his to hold it to her cheek and closed her eyes. "It was a long month," she agreed. When she looked at him again, she whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Then a look of guilt and terror passed Lily's face.

"What?" James asked, alarmed.

"Chasidy."

:.:.:.:

Lily watched her husbands questioning look, but her mind had traveled to the girl crying in the corner.

"James, they took her. Voldemort kidnapped Chasidy." Lily said, starting to cry as well. "We'd been out shopping for baby clothes. Things had calmed down for few days, so we figured it was safe, and—and…" she trailed off, unable to keep talking though her tears.

James tightened his hold on her, and looked over at Chasidy, who was covered in blood, haunted eyes gazing unseeingly in the direction of Sirius's body.

Apparently no one wanted to bring Sirius back to the land of the conscious. The state that Chasidy's in, no one should have to deal with something like that.

"She's back though Lily, she's alive." James tried to comfort his wife, but was deeply troubled by his friends condition.

Lily shook her head. "James he—he took the baby. The baby's d-dead." She sobbed into his shirt, shaking uncontrollably.

Dread washed though him, icy cold and piercing. "The baby?" he asked, his voice monotonous and dead.

Suddenly there was movement from across the room, as Chasidy's head snapped up. "What time is it?" she asked, her voice lacking emotion, her hands still roaming over the ghost of her once infant bearing body.

Someone from the shadows answered, some light disappearing from the room. It was Mad-eye's voice that responded, he had been peering through the curtains, but he dropped them when he said, "Eleven thirty."

"I have a message for Dumbledore. It's urgent." But despite her words, her voice didn't convey the urgency. But people still moved in curiosity.

Many inquires were voiced, but Chasidy insisted it was just for Dumbledore. Somehow, Dumbledore was there before anyone could summon him.

"Three bodies were found on a hill." He said gravely.

The room was silent. "That was the message." Chasidy said sadly. "I was supposed to tell you they would be there.

More silence.

"Who?" Arthur Weasley asked from a corner.

"A muggle woman, unidentified, Alan Paris from the Department of Magical Cooperation, and—" he stopped, looking pityingly at Chasidy. She covered her ears and moaned, shaking her head when he finally revealed the last body. "An unborn fetus."

Many people cried, and Lily had to duck her head back into her husband's shirt because she had started crying too hard.

:.:.:.:

The news was disturbing, but after about half an hour, someone suggested Chasidy be cleaned up before Sirius was waken up, to help minimize the initial shock. Lily helped with that, and now it was just Lily, Chasidy, James, and Sirius's body in the small room.

James took a deep breath, and pointing his wand at his best friend, he muttered the counter curse.

It took a couple moments for him to come around, the curse being on him for longer then was healthy, but soon he and Chasidy were embracing.

With tears streaking down her cheeks, she looked at her would-be husband. They were going to get married, but the idea was in the past now. Suddenly, she felt like a terrible, horrible person. If only there were some way to tell him the real reason she had to leave…

"If the baby were a girl, what would you want to name it?" she asked quietly.

The question shocked Sirius, but he answered. "I was thinking about it while I was away. Maybe Hope? And the middle name could be Lily. I know it doesn't sound right but…" he trailed off.

"No, no it's perfect." Chasidy said, kissing Sirius on the cheek, pulling away to look at her friend, who had tears rolling down her cheeks. Then she took a deep breath and faced her fiancé.

"I lost the baby." It was out there now.

She watched as the words slowly sank in, and settled into Sirius's thoughts, one by one. When understanding took over, she had to stand up and walk away. She couldn't bear to lie to him.

Sirius buried his face in his hands.

The minutes of silence started to build, each one bringing with it a higher level of despair. "James, Lily, will you give us some time alone?" she asked their company quietly. She couldn't do this with them in the room. The nodded their heads in consent and left the room quietly.

"Sirius I…" Chasidy trailed off, willing herself to be strong. "I have to tell you something."

He looked up from his hands, eyes bloodshot. He looked so lost and crushed that she almost lost it right then. But she was doing this to protect them, their family.

"The baby….she wasn't yours."  
He just stared at her blankly. Then he finally blinked. "What?"

She turned away to face the window. This was going to be a hard lie to pass off. "It was a one night stand; just before we…" she took in a deep breath. "I had the DNA test done. It's not yours. I'm so sorry."

"You-made-me-believe—"He cut off, too furious to even continue. He was mad at her. But it would be easier to leave this way. "What do you mean, 'she wasn't mine'? I thought you didn't know the sex." He demanded.

"I found out. A girl it was—"Chasidy cut off, unable to continue. She turned to face Sirius. "I'm so sorry. I have to leave. This war, this country, I can't do it anymore. And I want to go alone." She enunciated the last sentence so the meaning would be clear. She was leaving with out him.

Just the thought made her want to stay stuck to him forever. Again, her hands moved over her stomach.

He stood up. "Why?" he demanded.

"Because," she snapped back, grateful for what little acting classes her muggle parents had put her though in her childhood. It took all her will to pull this off. "I told you, all this is too much for me. I need to get away. And with your involvement in the Order…. Well, I don't want to be with someone who won't always be here for me."

His eyebrows had pinched together in anger. "Fine. I don't want a clingy girlfriend anyway."

"Fine." Chasidy snapped back, turning to face the wall again so that some of the tears she had been fighting rigorously could escape without his notice. He would be heart broken at this later, but for now he would let her leave in the heat of the argument.

"Goodbye Sirius." She said, turning to him for the last time, trying to memorize his face. It wasn't ideally how she wanted to remember it, contorted in anger, but it would have to do.

Chasidy flipped her hair and crossed the room to the door, only hearing Sirius's furious 'humph' as she left him.

She pulled out a piece of parchment, tapped it with her wand, and made sure the words spread across the page before she folded it up and tucked it away once more.

Once last glance over her shoulder at Sirius. The last time she will ever see him.

:.:.:.:

Lily and James had been snuggled together in silence on the couch when the door slammed open, and Chasidy ran out of the room, tears streaking down her cheeks. Sirius was no where in sight.

Lily stood, and so did James. Chasidy said nothing, but just hugged Lily tightly, and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks so much for everything. Bye." As she said this, something slid into the back pocket of Lily's jeans.

She pulled away from Lily and quickly kissed James on the cheek as well. "Bye James. Take care of him for me, please." Then she disapparated.

They just stood in shock.

"What…. What just happened?" James asked, confused. At that moment, Sirius came out the door, looking furious.

"It wasn't mine." He spat, looking heartbroken underneath all the anger.

"What?" James repeated, looking even more confused.

"The baby?" Lily asked, looking shocked.

Sirius nodded. "She lied. And now she's gone. Fleeing the country." He said bitterly.

"I'm sorry Padfoot." James said, moving forward to place a consoling hand on Sirius's shoulder, but he shook it off.

"Bug out." Then he also left the room.

It wasn't Sirius's baby? But they seemed so in love, and knowing Chasidy, that's not something she would just hide. James and Lily just looked at each other in shock, the past two minutes replaying in their minds as they tried to grasp what just happened.

Then Lily gasped. She had put something in her pocket. Sure enough, when Lily checked, it was a folded piece of parchment.

"Whats that?" James asked.

"Chasidy put it in my pocket." Lily explained, and opened it. They both leaned over the letter to read:

_Lily, and James I'm sure,_

_ I'm so sorry, I know this must be so confusing. I'm risking so much with this letter, but I couldn't just leave without someone knowing the truth. First, the baby is fine. It was just a disillusionment charm You-Know-Who cast, to make you believe I had really lost the baby. It seems out of character for him, but he's letting me and the baby live in America, if we go quickly and quietly. I leave tonight by portkey. _

_The baby is a girl. I'm going to name her Hope Lily Black, like Sirius wanted. And she is his. I'm doing this for Hope's safety, I know you will understand. Please don't tell Sirius why I left. Don't tell anyone. It will crush him, and I had to leave him behind like this so he would let me leave._

_ End this war soon, so I can come back to him._

_ Loving farewell_

_ Chasidy and Hope_

James and Lily looked at each other, both moved to tears. She and the baby were fine. But how were they going to get Sirius through this?

"Lily! James!" came Remus's voice from the doorway. "You have to come quickly! Death Eaters in Muggle London!" 


	22. Depressed, Silly, Forgetful Sirius

_"I can't _believe_ her!" Sirius cried, slamming his fist into the wall, puncturing the dry-wall and making Remus jerk awake from his exhausted sleep in the corner of the room._

_He rubbed his eyes sleepily, like he hadn't even registered his friend's outburst. "Oh, hey Padfoot," he yawned, stretching. "You guys are back? I didn't hear anyone come in…"_

_"You sleep like the dead Mooney," Sirius mumbled in reply, collapsing in a chair opposite him._

_Remus eyed him. "Are you okay? You look a little pissed."_

_"Just a little." Sirius snorted. He paused, and then—"Chasidy left the country. After telling me that she lost the baby, and it wasn't mine anyway."_

_The quiet that fallowed was dense. Neither one knew what else to say. Remus was shocked, and that was the only explanation Sirius was going to offer. _

_"Sorry." _

_"Yeah, well…." Sirius mumbled, standing up and walking towards the window. "That's just my life, I guess. Good things never last. I actually thought I had something going for me here Moony." _

_Remus, while looking back on the last few days, felt the exact same way. But he didn't have much time to reflect, before the two-way mirror in his pocket burned hot. _

_:.:.:.:_

_"I don't think we should tell anyone else about this," James told his wife, crumpling the farewell letter in his tense fist. Lily just nodded her silent agreement, as she watched him throw the letter into the fire. _

_They were quiet for a while longer, holding each other on the sofa. This had perhaps been the most awkward, devastating, and unromantic reunion ever, but after over a month of not seeing each other, they were happy to have this. _

_"Oh, James!" Lily said, sitting up, her eyes getting round. James's hand rested on her back as he looked at her inquiringly. _

_"What?"_

_"Remus, I found out what his job was!" she exclaimed. It had been a mystery for a while now, as it was usually impossible for a werewolf to find a job, yet Lupin had managed to her hired, against all odds. "He's a black list smuggler." Lily explained her brow furrowing. "I caught him with venomous tentacula seeds and a manacore egg. I guess there's a shop in diagon alley that's secretly selling class A non-tradeable objects."_

_James laughed. "As long as he doesn't get caught, I don't particularly care at this point." _

_Lily hit him. "How could you say that? He could get arrested!"_

_He blinked, then grabbed her waist and brought her back to sit next to him, laying his head on top of hers. "I just got you back Lils, and with the whole Chasidy-Sirius incident, I think I can deal with this one later."_

_"Oh." She blinked, and then twisted her head to give him a lingering kiss. "I missed you."_

_"Missed you more." He whispered, kissing her once more. _

_"Lily! James!" came Remus's voice from the doorway. "You have to come quickly! Death Eaters in Muggle London!_"

They sprang up, going into full out panic mode.

"What was Dumbledore saying about Alice and Frank?" Sirius said, making everyone jump as he came up from behind Remus from the other room.

The silence lasted a split second longer as they all just stared at Sirius, then Remus answered, "They were last sighted battling Voldemort beneath Big Ben." Lily sprang up a those words.

"Well, what are we waiting for!?" She cried, looking crazed with worry for her friend.

"Calm Lily, you can't fight while being preoccupied with worry," Remus tried to reason with her, flinching as she whirled around and pointed her wand at his nose. He went cross eyed trying to keep it in view.

"The _hell _I can't Lupin!" She growled.

James had to agree with Moony though. "Lils, you have to be able to concentrate."

"What about Sirius then?" she snapped, beyond reason. The only reason she was still in this room was because of the anti-apparation wards around the house. And she couldn't run for it because James's strong hand had wrapped itself around her arm, holding her there.

"What about me?" Sirius grumbled, his eyes narrowing. Just the way he was holding himself suggested devastation. He was clearly in pain, and clearly not in any state of mind to be battling anyone.

The other two men, however, were watching their best friend, knowing that Lily was right. They didn't want to lose him as well as Chasidy and Hope in one day.

I his deep thought, James had loosened his grip on Lily's arm, and she tore free, and sprinted for the front door, ignoring the calls that fallowed her. The only thing on her mind was that Alice needed her.

Finally she was free to apparate, she could feel it. And that was just what she did.

:.:.:.:

While the battle was commencing, a clearly set diversion just for the purpose of getting Chasidy out of the country, she slipped into Borgin and Burkes; a store ministry aurors had been keeping their eye on because of obvious Death Eater activity in Knockturn Alley.

The disillusionment spell on her stomach had worn off, and she could breath just a little better now that she could see it, and know it was still there. Her baby was fine, as fine as she could have ever hoped for.

Her little Hope Lily. Her little girl that would grow up without a father. But, as she touched the old shoe the grumpy shop keeper pointed at without a word, she knew it was all for the better.

The shoe glowed blue, and her last thought in London England, was that she hoped that everyone would make it out of the ruse battle safe and alive. Then she felt the pull behind her naval and the spinning.

Chasidy, with her arms cradling her midsection, opened her eyes to her new life in America.

Meanwhile, the store keeper pulled back his sleeve and pressed a long, dirty finger to his left forearm to alert his master to her departure.

Twenty miles away, Voldemort dodged three spells thrown by Longbottom and his fiancée, and was hit with one, slicing a deep cut into his shoulder. He hissed at them, and disapparated. Now that Black's girlfriend and child were gone, he could start.

:.:.:.:

James had eventually found Lily, and proceeded to protect her back, but they were fighting together for not ten minutes, when the Death Eaters grasped their forearms and promptly disapparated.

The shock that was left in the sudden silence was nearly tangible. Lily knew what James was thinking, before he could even say it. "Yeah, I know." She grumbled.

"What?" he said, confused. She could feel his confusion. In fact, she could see herself so clearly though her eyes, she started using it to wipe dirt off her face, like a mirror.

Then a thought hit her. "It just turned on. I never realized it was off." She said, shocked.

"_What?_" James repeated, clearly frustrated.

She laughed at him. "The adacomasis. I never realized it hadn't been working until it kicked in just now. You really are such a silly man." Lily sighed.

He blinked, then laughed. "What are you picking out of my head?"

Sighing, she replied, "I'm really not as pretty as you seem to think of me."

"Ridiculous." He kicked a rock. A lot of the wizards and witches present were idling, wondering what to do. There were obviously memories to be modified, lots of them, but too many for only a handful of them to do. Aurors and ministry officials were only just starting to arrive.

Suddenly, Lily gasped, and started to look around. "Oh!"

Coughing, and looking thoroughly shaken up, Alice and Frank made their way out of a dust cloud, seeming to be in great physical condition, all things considered. She ran over to help her best friend. "Alice! Are you okay? We heard you were fighting Voldemort and I couldn't find you.

Alice hugged her and nodded. "He's a good wizard. He almost had us, then Frank caught him with a strong slicing spell and he left." Looking around, she remarked, "It looks like he brought his psychopathic minions with him."

"They just all grabbed their arms and disappeared. It was weird. Usually they don't leave until they're outnumbered and losing people. They actually were beating us. I was dueling three at a time." James grumbled, wiping blood off the corner of his mouth.

At that moment, Remus ran up, with a dazed looking Sirius staring at the clouds with a small smile on his face. He was only moving because Remus was dragging.

"What happened to him?" Frank inquired, wrapping an arm around Alice's waist.

Forcing Sirius to sit on the ground by pushing down on his shoulders, Remus looked up at them. "He was hit with some sort of confundous charm. He's gone completely nutters, and 'finite' wont work." Shrugging, he whispered, "Personally, for now, I think this is best for him until we get into a more controlled environment. He was barely trying, I had to duel Malfoy, on top of the two I had."

Lily and James frowned, while Frank and Alice just looked confused. It pained Lily that she couldn't tell her friend the truth, but it would be hazardous to Chasidy's life if she did. So all she said in explanation was, "Chasidy lost the baby, and then left the country. She's not coming back."

The shocked stares they got in return were enough for Lily to blush. She had never been the best of liars. So she turned to observe the destruction, the aurors and ministry workers already collecting witnesses and sending them back to have their memories erased and sent to a hospital if necessary.

"Sirius?" Remus said, "What are you doing?" he asked, his hardest not to laugh. It really wasn't funny.

"The ground tastes like sugar!" Sirius exclaimed, giggling, looking up with innocent eyes.

"Are you sure it was a confundous charm?" Alice asked, a smirk replacing her concerned expression. "Because he seems to be drunk, or something along the lines of that."

They all watched helplessly as Sirius started to roll around on the ground, singing about Odo the wizard in an extremely upbeat tone for the song.

:.:.:.:

"It feels so good to be home." James sighed, throwing his bag beside the couch and jumping on it.

Lily looked around, trying not to think about how the last time she was here, Chasidy had been with her. Instead, she scolded James for getting the couch filthy.

He stood up to look out the window. "I wonder when the spell will wear off…" He trailed off, looking deep in thought. Dumbledore said that it was a recent development, a spell that modifies the memories of the past twenty four hours. Not erasing them, but replacing them with new ones. Now, everyone waited for Sirius to break from the spell, and stop acting like an idiot, so they could find out what his new memories were.

Apparently, they could be ones of complete devastation. Not that it would be much different from what had really happened.

A tapping on the kitchen window caught their attention. Together, they ventured forth to retrieve the letter. James and Lily sat at the table while he read it.

"It's Wormtail. I guess he's still in France with relatives. He heard about the fight, and is sorry he couldn't help." James sighed.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"We've all been so distant, especially with the recent trip, and being out of school." He looked deeply saddened while he looked for a quill and parchment to write back his friend.

Lily watched him thinking. She Alice and Mary hadn't been together since before Alyssa's death. She hadn't even talked to Mary in weeks. It was hard to stay in contact with friends, being out of school with jobs, and families to start. Not to mention the war made it hard to go anywhere without fearing attack.

"Why don't you four have a get together when Peter gets back, and I'll have a girls night with Mary and Alice?" Lily suggested when James finally gave his letter to the owl that had delivered Peter's. "I mean, we need it. I enjoy your company and all, but there are things I need to talk to girls about."

James frowned. "I thought you told me everything."

"I do, I just…" She took a deep breath and ran a hand over her stomach, realizing her friends were unawares that for Lily to have a baby would be a medical miracle. Not that she hadn't qualified under that category before. Which reminded her…

"The connection," Lily started, startling James with the abrupt change of conversation. It wasn't like _he _could fallow _her _train of thought. "It's faded. I can barely hear you now. I wonder why it does that."

"I don't know." He said, but it sounded wrong, his expression was strangely distant. But then his eyes focused once more. "But I do have a theory about it."

"Oh?"

"I think it comes when we're at our strongest emotions for you." He explained, playing with her hair. "I was so worried about you today, when you took off like that,"-- he glared at her—"and the last time I remember you saying something about it was during the honeymoon."

She closed her eyes, losing herself in those memories, opening her eyes moments later when she felt his lips at her neck.

"Want to test that theory?" she nearly gasped, standing up to wrap her arms around his neck, and giving him a kiss that left them both breathless. James only nodded, and she could feel the curl of his lips against hers.

After a month of being away from each other, and the circumstances their small reunion had been under, they were both desperate to get as much of each other that was physically and emotionally possible.

The bedroom was too far away, but they somehow managed to make it to the couch in the living room.

For Lily, the experience was, and always had been, twice as good, because she was reading his thoughts without knowing she was. She knew just what to do to make him go crazy, and he returned the favor.

The night was theirs, and the outside world was completely forgotten. Because as much as this war had effected and changed them, they would always have each other, and their love.

:.:.:.:

"What do you mean, she's gone?" Voldemort yelled. "CRUCIO!" the short man in front of him screamed in terror. "Please Master!" he yelled, and the spell was finally lifted, and for a few moments, the only sound in the room was Voldemort's heavy breathing, and Wormtail's whimpers.

"She has left the spot we picked out for her." Peter Pettigrew reported. "It seems she suspected you had plans for either her or the child."

Voldemort yelled in fury, and the man cowered, scared of the spell that was bound to come. "We had three men watching her! How did she simply leave?"

"She-she apparated."

Pettigrew's screams of torture filled the halls for nearly a minute, then a thought came to Voldemort. "Surely the foolish girl knew it is harmful to the baby?"

But Chasidy didn't.

With a crack she had appeared outside of the American Wizarding Republic Headquarters, muggles startling, but she barely paid them any attention. She had searing pain in her abdomen, and looked down to see blood staining her pants, and she screamed.

A man was telling her not to worry, but all she could think of was her little Hope Lily. Her little Hope Lily, whom she had just killed. Then she sank into the dark abyss of unconsciousness. 


	23. The Dark Lord & his Psycopathic Minions

"M-m-my Lord…"

Voldemort looked up from examining his long, pale fingers. It was apparent that what ever thought process he had been involved in, he did not like being interrupted. "What is it, Zambini?" he hissed, looking down once more.

"If-If you don't mind my asking, Master, why was it essential to get the Lithmen girl out of the country?" The man shook in terror at the question he had been obligated to ask. Everyone was curious, and he lost a bet. Being so, he now faced death, depending on what mood Voldemort was in.

The snake-like man smiled a humorless smile, one that strikes fear in even the bravest person's core. "I will not tell you. I will, perhaps, let you live after attempting to pry into my personal business." He waved his wand in a quick, blurry slashing movement, slicing deep into the mans chest.

"Leave me be, Zambini."

Alkazar Zambini, clutching at his bleeding chest, ran out of the room.

Voldemort stood and gazed out the window. He had many plans for the fugitive girl, and her child. It was true, that the child would prove better as leverage against Black, but both would be beneficial. He had considered waiting until the child was born, killing it's mother and having a Death Eater take care of it until the plan could be set in motion, but should the baby not make it, Chasidy Lithmen would do.

Clutching at the window sill, Voldemort's knuckles stuck out in such a way it seemed as more fingers were attempting to grow. The ignorant girl had as good as killed the child, so it was a good thing he had decided to keep both alive. A new life in America was merely an illusion, to fool her that she was away from danger. But his Death Eaters had lost track of her, and after three days, still had not managed to find her, an injured insolent witch. The very thought made his eyes squint in the expression he got when he wanted to kill. Any kill would do.

With another flick of his wand, he sent his patronus to one of his more faithful followers.

It was just another two minutes that his dark shape, slithering into the shadows, appeared. He bowed, long greasy black hair falling into his eyes. "My Lord?" Severus Snape inquired. "What is it you bid me to do?"

"I require your assistance with a certain student, I assume you still have ways to contact those still at school?" Voldemort hissed, not looking at his fallower, but reading his emotions from afar. They were calm, not a hint of anxiety or fear.

With a small jerk of his head, he answered, "I do, Master. Whom do you wish me to contact?"

"A young recruit I think will prove very vital to our cause." Not talent wise, Voldemort acknowledged, but to himself. Many reports say that his abilities are mediocre at best. No, his powers were nothing compared to the bigger picture.

"Regulus Black." The words came out with no emotion, but inside, he was going over the plan over and over again. He had Pettigrew, yes. But he was a blithering idiot. It was Sirius Black he required the assistance of, and James Potter if at all possible. His wife is nothing more then a filthy mudblood, but should not be killed until her husband was safely within their ranks.

Regulus Black was merely the backup plan if Lithman and the child should fail. As all the people ignorant enough to allow themselves to love have demonstrated all thorough the course of history, they will do anything to keep those they love alive. And Voldemort was going to find every person Sirius Black had ever cared about, and kill them one by one, until he consented to give him what he wanted.

Something only he could give, something he had inherited from an uncle that was very important indeed, though Sirius Black did not realize it.

The Silver Pendant of Helga Hufflepuff.

Of course, he already had her cup. But with the only remaining relic of Gryffendor under Dumbledore's protection, this he would have to settle for.

"Yes, I need to obtain some knowledge from young Regulus." Voldemort said quietly to Snape, rolling his wand through his fingers. "If he will consent to it, I want to meet him on his next Hogsmede trip. The Holiday season is soon approaching; I expect it will be within the next few weeks."

With a bow, Snape backed out of the room. "As you will it, my lord."

His cloaks billowed behind him like black sheets in a moonless, windy night, as he walked quickly down the hall, and out a side door; once outside the perimeter, he promptly apparated to his home in Spinners End.

He truly loathed this house, because it was where his parents had lived. Most of all, it served as a grim reminder of the tough childhood he had had, and the beautiful red head who had made his life better just by her presence. Of course, he hasn't had that blessing in nearly four years.

The cabinet he yanked open, maybe a little too violently, shuddered and groaned. The inside was magically expanded, and the weight put it on the verge of collapsing. Snape rummaged around for what he was looking for, until finally he caught the elaborate handle of an eighteenth century goblin-made hand mirror.

"Slytherin Common Room, Hogwarts." He muttered into the mirror. Within seconds, a pale boy with shortly cropped hair and an annoyed expression plastered to his face answered with a rough, "What?"

"I need to speak with Regulus Black, immediately." He had no time to reprimand the boy for being rude to him; he was already pulling out a piece of parchment, quill, and an ink well. He had already finished this particularly painful letter when Black finally showed.

"What does the Dark Lord need this time?" he asked. He bore a striking resemblance to his brother, though he had a thinner face, with a permanently grim expression, whereas Sirius was always smirking for some idiotic reason or another. Oh, how he wished he could curse that smirk away.

Snape, without looking at the mirror, explained everything. "The Dark Lord requests a meeting during your next Hogsmede trip. I suggest you agree, or you will find yourself and your family in a very painful position."

Regulus grudgingly gave the date for the next school outing, and left to finish off an essay for McGonagall.

Severus put down the mirror, and turned his attention to his owl, black as midnight. Wishing, and hoping, she will give him the audience he requested, he attached the letter to the birds leg, and brought it to the window. He truly envied the bird as it flew away to his one and only. His Lily Evans.

"Dancy Dancy, squirmy squirmy!" the husky man giggled, pointing his wand at the pretty blonde writhing on the floor. In the current lighting, a single long scar from temple to chin was sharply pronounced, adding malice to his already psychopathic expression. He was tall and had the look about him of once being muscular, but it was hidden under a layer of fat.

Lounging in a chair was a pale man, with a sharp nose and long blonde hair. "Do not play with your food Blize." He said in a bored voice. He stood up as Blize lowered his wand. The girl was barely moving now, but was mumbling something about bumblebees and frogs. She had one insane. "Either Kill the muggle, or leave her. We have work to do."

"You're no fun, Lucius." Blize mumbled, but pointed his wand at the girl once more, and in a tone that implied he had killed so much, it held no emotional stimulation for him any more, mumbled, "Avada Kedavra."

The green light flashed through the room, but Lucius had not lingered to observe. "Bellatrix said that Narcissa required my help, and you insisted on tagging along. I know you do not uh, approve of my future sister-in-law, but if you make a scene, you will not be leaving it." He whispered, climbing the stairs to the second story of the small home. No one else was home, for now.

Blize shifted uncomfortably, hearing the truth in his words. "What ever happened to respecting your elders and seniority, and all that?" he mumbled. But he knew what had happened to any respect the Death Eaters had held for him. He made a mistake, and now even these barely-out-of-school punks even had authority over him. It was a heavy punishment, but he would take it any day over being killed.

Walking over to the window, Lucius sent the dark mark over the muggle home. Muggles would write it off as a projected image, or a long-lasting fire work. But he had no time to correct their misled assumptions.

Then, there was a loud crack, and Bellatrix and Narcissa Black were standing beside them. The latter of which, walked over to her fiancé and gave him a kiss. "Dearest Lucius, thank you for coming." She said fervently. Her glaze slid over to Blize, who was deliberately not looking at either of the black sisters.

"What's he doing here?" Bellatrix sneered, lifting a perfect eyebrow.

Lucius gave the other man a pointed look, to remind him what he had wanred him of not moments before. "I told him Narcissa required my help, and thought I could use his cunning and expertice."

Blize cringed. It was a jab at his past wrong-doings, and he knew it. But he kept silent.

Narcissa seemed unfazed. "Lucius, I know I said I needed your help, but you're so busy all the time, it was the only way I could see you to tell you…." She trailed off.

Many thought Lucius Malfoy was unable to love, he never portrayed any strong emotions about anyone, it was how he had been raised, not to show anyone his true feelings. But he did care deeply for Narcissa. You could even say he loved her, but he had never said those words to her. However, the obvious pain in her voice when she mentioned he stayed away, made him take her hand and bring it to his lips for a soft kiss. "What is it, Cissy?"

"I…" she trailed off, shooting her sister a peculiar glance, "Lucius, I think I am with child."

They were stunned into silence. Then he blinked. "What?" just as Blize started to laugh.

Bellatrix promptly pointed her wand at him, hissing, "You keep your insolent mouth shut you ungrateful little—"

"Enough." Lucius snapped, and looked back at Narcissa, trying to calculate how far along she was. No more then two months.

Suddenly, Bellatrix lowered her wand, and made a pouting face at her sister. "See? I told you he wouldn't believe it." Twirling her hair around the tip of her wand, she said, "It was a stupid plan."

Narcissa opened her mouth to object, but Lucius got to it first. "I am…. Confused."

"I am the one with child." Bellatrix said, and behind him, Blize's jaw dropped. "But Narcissa insisted we perform a complicated spell that will take my fetus and put it in her womb."

"Why?" both men inquired at the same time. Then, just Lucius said, "What is the point to that? Surely Rodolphus would not be angry at you, if he was not careful to cast the contraceptive spell?"

Bellatrix squirmed a bit. "Well, it cant be Rodolphus's child, since we have yet to make love—if that's what you want to call our relationship." She said bitterly, clearly meaning she had no feelings for her betrothed.

"You have ruined this essential marriage Bella," Narcissa muttered. "I was willing to raise the child as my own."

Bellatrix rolled her eyes. "You got lucky, you love Lucius. This arranged marriage is easy for you. I have no intention of raising a child anyway. I hate children."

"What will you do?" her sister asked, eyes widening. "Surely you won't kill it? An innocent pureblood?"

Bellatrix turned to look out the window, knowing that was her full intention. "Of course not sister. But we shall have to discuss this another time. The aurors must have received word of the dark mark. They are here."

Chasidy opened her eyes in a dark room. She didn't know where she was, but she couldn't care less. She also couldn't bring herself to find out if she was still carrying her little Hope Lily, or if she was gone forever. Her daughter and only remaining link to Sirius….

The tears came once more, like opening a flood gate. Despite the fact that she was no longer in pain, she cried and cried. Loudly.

A door on the other side of the room opened, illuminating what looked like a regular bedroom. The person in the doorway rushed to her side. "Shhh, honey it's okay, you're safe here. I promise we won't hurt you or the child."

This made Chasidy stop crying abruptly, with a small hiccup, although a couple tears were still escaping silently. "W-What?" she asked, grasping at her stomach, realizing she still had her five-month baby bump. "Is she okay? My little Hope, is she still alive?" The bump was still there, but she heard they didn't just automatically disappear.

"Yes, we were able stop the bleeding and save the little one. She is still in there, and alive and healthy." The woman assured in an American accent.

This time, Chasidy was crying with relief.

"Surely you knew, child, that apparating could kill a fetus? A month earlier and there would have been nothing I could do, even with my healer training."

So this woman was a witch. Then she would know exactly who Voldemort was, and what he was doing in England. Without meaning to, she was spilling her story to this woman, whom she didn't even know.

"So I h-had to get away. I thought they might be watching me, but no one had ever warned me against apparating." Her hands still cradled her abdomen, and she knew she could never let go of her child.

"You've been through a lot," the woman agreed. "I'm sorry about what you had to do to leave, what with your man and all. I happen to be pretty deep in the AWRH, I could find out if your man is still safe, if it would please you."

Chasidy nodded fervently, after expressing her fears that Sirius would have been hurt or even killed in the battle that was a ploy to get her out of the country safely.

The woman patted her knee and stood up to leave the room. "You need your rest, you lost a lot of blood, and I'm afraid I don't have a blood replenishing potion on me."

"I don't know your name!" Chasidy said, just before she shut the door

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Mindy."

"Thanks Mindy."

"Mmmm…" Lily mumbled sleepily.

James pulled her more tightly against his naked chest, and smiled. "What's so yummy?" she could hear the smile in his voice, and she peaked an eyebrow and opened one eye to look up at him.

"Not 'Mmmm that tastes good.' 'Mmm, I don't want to wake up. You ruined it James!" she said, as though she was angry with him.

"What did I do?" he asked, looking so utterly and completely lost, that she just had to laugh.

"That dream of yours was almost as good as the real thing. I didn't realize your imagination was that good." Lily stretched her neck to kiss him, but his expression was frozen in momentary shock, then he understood.

"Well, that's a first. The connection's never worked in sleep before."

"The connection was really strong last night," she countered in a husky voice. "It must have lingered for a bit."

Just her tone was enough to arouse him, and he leaned down to give her a proper good morning kiss that left her breathless.

"James," she mumbled, trying to work up enough restraint to stop, but it just wasn't worth it.

"Hmm?" he mumbled, moving away to kiss her neck, thinking she needed more air.

Lily closed her eyes, reveling in the sensation. "James, we're supposed to go see your father today…" She trailed off when he sighed and pecked her on the lips and moved away. She rather regretted that she opened her mouth at all. But it was late morning, and they needed to leave soon.

"You sure do know how to ruin the mood Lils," he said, staring at the cealing. Then suddenly he flipped onto his side, a mischevious glint in his eye. "Want to take a shower with me? It'll save water _and _time."

She laughed and pushed him away. Lily stood up to stretch, knowing that he had his eyes on her the whole time. "James Potter, you know very well how much water and time that will _not _save." She countered, but none the less, she turned to face him again. "Race you!"

An hour later, they stepped out of the bathroom, both clean, and dressed, and ready to go to St. Mungo's to visit with Harold Potter.

He was sitting up in bed, reading the _Daily Prophet _with a small frown on his face. He looked weathered and frail. James's face visably dropped when he walked in the room, and Lily grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"There they are!" Harold cried jovially when he looked up and saw them, the paper quickly thrown on a table next to the bed, and a huge smile replacing the frown. "Ah, it's the dashing Lily, my favorite daughter-in-law!"

"I'm your _only _daughter in law," Lily said, letting go of her husbands hand to give him a hug. "How're you feeling dad?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. How are you James? I heard about Sirius," he dropped his voice as if someone from the hall on the other side of the closed door could hear. "Is it true? Did the girl really leave, after admitting the baby wasn't his?" When they both nodded, he let out a low whistle. "Girls these days. Thank the Heavens you snagged this one early son, I don't know how you got so lucky, she's a real keeper." He pointed a stern finger at James as if to say 'if you lose her, I'll kill you.'

An arm wrapped around Lily's torso. "I ask myself everyday what I did to earn her dad."

The rest of the two hour stay went like that. The topic of Harold's health was avoided, which bothered Lily. What would happen when James lost his father. Would he see it coming? Or would he take it badly, because he refused to believe what was happening right before their eyes. Each time they visited, he looked sicker and sicker, and Lily knew it was just a matter of time. She didn't want to see James hurt, but she could see no way around it.

"Want to see if Remus and Sirius can get some lunch?" James asked Lily, as they exited casually onto the London streets.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "At this short of notice? Depending on where they are, it could take an hour for them to send an owl back with their reply. You know," she said, looking up at the sky. The clouds were darkening, and it was definitely going to rain. "I don't see why wizards don't have a more instant way of communicating. That's why muggles use telephones. We could have called them both within a couple minutes, and decided where to eat."

He frowned. "We have the floo network, and apparating. Those are pretty instant." He smiled at an old lady begging for money. He may have given her some if he had some muggle currency on him.

"And pretty rude and intruding," she pointed out. "What if we were having a private moment in the kitchen and Sirius just stuck his head in?"

"He does that all the time."

"True." She frowned. "Maybe that was the wrong example."

It started to drizzle, and James looked as if he was really let down. He hadn't seen his friends in over a week. "Okay, lets just go home and eat lunch. I have to run down to Head Quarters afterwards anyway."

Later, after biding her husband a quick and safe trip, she closed the back kitchen door, and went into the sitting room to listen to some music and relax. She had barely laid down when there was a tapping at her window. She looked up, and she felt something in her gut clench. She knew that owl.

Swallowing the lump that had appeared in the back of her throat, she opened the window for the dark bird named Prince. Her hands were shaking so bad, it took her nearly two minutes to undo the letter. Prince then took off, to return to it's master.

The familiar scrawl was only a couple sentences long.

_Lily,_

_ I know you hate me, and I know, after what happened the last time we saw each other, you probably want nothing more to do with me. But I beg you to meet me at the Hogs Head in Hogsmede, three thirty this afternoon. I have some important information that you may want, information that could save you and yourPotter's lives. Please, let me do this for you._

_ Severus_

She dropped the letter to the floor. Then, ignoring her own advice she had given James just an hour ago, she stuck her head in the fire place, and threw the floo powder. With just her head spinning, and praying that she was home, she suddenly had a view into Alice and Frank's kitchen.

"Alice?" she called into the house. Frank stuck his head into the room.

"Oh, hi Lily." Then, seeing the look of urgency on her face, he took off with a quick, "I'll go get Alice."

When finally her friend entered, Lily gave no time for her to ask questions. "Alice, I need your help. Will you come over?"


	24. Rendezvous

The Grey clouds foretold thunder and rain, lightning flashed in the distance over the familiar castle of Hogwarts. Lily yearned to visit once more, even though it had only been a few months since she left. It's nearing Christmas, and it's in the air. The stores lining the main street of Hogsmede were decorated, Zonko's had amazing deals going on, and the Three Broom Sticks was packed.

But this isn't why Lily and Alice were here. Both of them pulled the hoods of their cloaks over their heads and walked as quickly as they could in the general direction of the Hog's head.

"Any idea what this is about?" Alice muttered, twirling her wand in her pocket. Lily had a vice-like grip on hers, knowing full well what Snape's current occupation was, and that this could be an ambush. James would kill her if he ever found out, but he wouldn't. This was an in and out thing.

As they walked, Lily contemplated her situation in silence. She wouldn't have risked Alice's life if she really believed this was an ambush, however, the memory of her destroyed wedding reception and Snape was still sharp in her mind. If he thought he could get her back, make her join him, he had another thing coming. She loved James will all her heart, and nothing would change that.

Only he had mentioned James in the letter, that the information he held could potentially save both of their lives. It must have been hard for him to do that, to write James' name. So she's taking a chance and trusting him.

Should she trust her instincts though? She questioned as she pushed the door to the Hog's Head open. She cant go back now, this is the point of no return.

She and Alice scanned the room, and her friend leaned over to whisper in her ear, "Back right corner."

She saw him then, sitting alone and focusing on Alice. He looked like he didn't want here there but he would have to deal with it.

Lily walked over quietly, her heat pounding in her chest, and took the only other seat at the table, directly across from him. Alice stood behind the chair, both hands in her pockets. Lily would repay her for this, she owed her.

Very purposely, she put her left hand on the table—as if to remind him that she was indeed married—and leaned forward slightly. "What is it you want Sev?" she asked him quietly, yet easily slipping back into the nice easy going relationship they once had. She even used her old nickname for him.

The corner of his mouth twitched a little, but he didn't make eye contact with her. He only gazed at her left hand for a couple seconds, then at the candle in the middle of the chipped old table. He watched the fire with mild fascination as he said, "I think you are in danger." Then he looked at her, and she could see the pain in his eyes, but she also knew what this cost him. If he was caught talking to her, a member of the Order, he would be killed instantly.

"Well, tell me. Get it over with so you can get out of here, before someone kills you for this." She could tell he was pleased with her concern. She didn't hate the man, she just strongly disliked him, for all that he had done to her. But that was in the past, she'd put it all behind her, and she knew who the real Severus was, not the angry man he had become.

"The Dark Lord…." He hesitated for a moment. "He has a plan, an elaborate one set up surrounding your friend, Lithmen." He sped up his words, realizing it was going to take time to explain, time he didn't have. "He didn't give her and the child freedom in America, he has Death Eaters watching her every move, waiting for the Dark Lords signal to bring her back. He's going to use her against Black—"Sirius' name dripped with deep loathing, even with Snape speaking rapidly—" I fear he had the same plan for you."

It all clicked into place for her. Voldemort was using Chasidy against Sirius, or the baby. Why he had gone so far as to send her to the States, she would never know. But she did know that if he wanted Sirius, he wanted James. James' father was dying, leaving the only other person he truly loved to be her. Everything was so clear now, but they had wards in place on their home. Surely they would protect them enough?

"What kind of plans does he have for Chasidy?" she asked her old friend, and he looked up at her.

"I'm concerned for you, and you're worried about _her?"_ He asked incredulously. Lily heard Alice shift her weight, the floorboards moaning under the newly added pressure of her weight.

Lily knew none of this made any sense to Severus, she was perhaps the only person he really cared for. But she had many whom she loved, and didn't want to see hurt. "Please Sev, tell me where she is." She reached out her hand and placed it on his, knowing she was taking this too far, only hurting him by playing this card and using his feelings for her against him. He sighed, he knew what she was doing. But the look in his eyes spoke thousands of words. He would not deny her what she wanted.

"Last I knew, she was in Atlanta. But Death Eaters lost track of her." Lily sighed, frustrated, but it was a good thing they didn't know where she was.

"Thank you Sev," she said, squeezing his hand and standing up to leave. "I appreciate your information, and I'll arrange for my added protection." She said the last part just to please him. She knew that he had bid her come her for that reason in the first place: to keep her safe.

He looked up at her, his eyes roaming her face as if memorizing her. "Take care of yourself Lily." He said quietly, and nodded curtly to Alice.

The two girls left as quickly as they could. Once outside, Lily said one thing, but she was sure Alice was thinking it as well. "Dumbledore."

Lightning flashed over the school once more.

The hallways were empty and smelled clean, like they did for the first day of term. It didn't smell of parchment, or ink, or a random animal that got loose during a transfiguration class by accident (or not by accident, as James and Sirius thought it would be funny to let a Pig with eagle wings fly around the school for a couple hours.)

Still, Lily felt home as she walked up the familiar staircase up to the seventh floor.

"It feels great to be here," Alice sighed, spreading her arms and twirling in a circle. "I feel seventeen again." She smiled at a portrait of an old noble woman, wearing her hat with two foot-long points, and ribbons. Such a ridiculous style, but still very beautiful.

Lily knew that James would be home soon, that he was meeting with the order. She wondered briefly why Dumbledore wasn't at that meeting, but in his office, but she decided it didn't matter, she just got lucky.

"You were seventeen three months ago," Lily laughed at her friend, then when they approached the gargoyle, she said the password (iced mice) and the two of them ascended the stairs and knocked on the door.

"Enter." Dumbledore's voice came through the heavy oak door. Just from the sound of his voice she could tell he was tired, the poor man did too much these days. "Ah," he said as they walked into his overly full office. "To what do I owe this please, Miss. Longbottom and Mrs. Potter?" Lily smiled at the way he addressed her. It was still odd to her to be called Lily Potter and not Lily Evans, but it still felt right. Dumbledore smiled at her knowingly.

"I just met with Severus Snape," Lily said, and she instantly had the headmaster's attention. He leaned back and clasped his hands together thoughtfully.

"Go on."

So she told him what had transpired down at the Hogs Head, and Alice sometimes offered her input. "Professor," she said once she was done explaining what had happened, "Are you going to send someone to look for Chasidy?"

He thought it over for about a minute, and Lily wondered if he considered her and the baby to be a lost cause already, although she was the only one who knew she was still pregnant and hadn't lost the child.

"I'll get in touch with the AWR, and see if anything has caught their notice. But for now I can spare no one. I have one or two men on the inside who could probably inform me if the Death Eaters have relocaed Miss. Lithmen, at which point in time, you, Miss. Longbottom, and one other may go in attempt to rescue her."

Lily smiled, grateful. She was happy for now, with the knowledge that Chasidy is more then likely safe. For now.

"I have news concerning Sirius Black." Mindy said, walking into the room with a small smile on her face. Chasidy looked up from where she had been sitting in a rocking chair, singing softly to her belly. Mindy's smile reassured her.

The American woman walked over past her to look out the window. The AWR was centered in Rochester New York. It's not a particulary important city, but it provided the best location for headquarters. Many had wanted it to be in New York City, but there was no where to build the establishment. The ministry of magic in London was old, so it was there before the city had really developed. The AWR headquarters were only fifty years old.

"I believe it was the day you left, but there was a fight that many non-ministry workers got involved in," Chasidy recognized this as the fight for a distraction to sneak her out of the country by way of port key, and also that the non-ministry workers to be the Order. "No one has heard of anything about Sirius Black, so I think it is safe to assume that he is alive, well, not kidnapped, or dead." The woman concluded. "I'm sorry I couldn't get you more information on the matter.

Chasidy stood and hugged the woman, even though her five month pregnant belly got somewhat in the way. "Thank you."

"Tell me what you know." Alice said, stopping Lily just as they exited the gates to the school, almost about to apparate back to The Potter home. "Chasidy didn't really just leave Sirius right?"

Lily shook her head slowly, and told Alice about the letter. "But you see? Voldemort's just using this against Sirius, all of it. I don't know why he wants Sirius so bad, but he'll just come after James next. We cant let him get that far."

Alice nodded, but said, "So the baby is still alive? And it's his?" Lily nodded: yes. "Poor Sirius, if only he knew, he'd go after Voldemort himself."

Both of the girls apparated back to their homes, after saying goodbye.

Lily had taken not three steps towards the house when the door opened to reveal a slightly worried, slightly relieved James. The silly man worried about her too much, she barely got to go out and do anything anymore, and she leaves the house for an hour and this is how he acts? With anyone other then James, it would annoy her, but right now it just made her want to run to him, to hold and kiss him.

She refrained from running anyway, but as soon as she got to him, and closed the front door, James had his arms around her, and she hugged him back fiercely, taking in his musky, amazingly addictive scent. She hated being parted from him, even for a short amount of time. It only took two seconds for someone to say 'Avada Kedavra,' and way less then that for them to die.

The thought made her shiver, and he kissed the top of her head. "Where did you go?" she loved this about James, he gave her freedom, trusted her. She suddenly felt guilty, like she had cheated on him by going to meet Severus. She knew this was not the same as that, but James and Sev hated each other. If he knew….

Lily suppressed another shiver and looked up at him. "I met with someone, who had some information for me." She smiled at him briefly. "We're going to try and get Chasidy back. I talked to Dumbledore. He wants to increase our protection on the house though."

James looked incredulous. "Is that even possible?"

"I guess so. Our last resort is the Fidleus Charm, but he doesn't see that as necessary yet." She shrugged, and moved out of his embrace regretfully to get herself a drink. The cold water helped sooth her, even though she knew that it was an all around stormy day for England, even all the way north in Hogsmede.

"When are we going to put up the Christmas tree?" she asked her husband, knowing he was still standing behind her, perhaps looking out the window, or watching her like he so often did.

He sighed. "Soon. How about tomorrow night? We can invite Sirius, he needs a destraction right now…." She noticed how James' frowned, creasing his face the wrong way. His laugh lines were warped, making him look years older. He was concerned for his best friend, practically brother.

Lily turned and hugged him once more. "How is he?"

"Not good."

Sirius sat on the middle of his family room floor, playing with a loose thread in the carpet. He had sat in the middle of the floor to look at the carpet to destract him. Everything reminded him of Chasidy, and now even the floor wasn't helping. It was tan, the color of her bedroom walls, where they had first—

He stood up, cussing. If this was how life was going to be for him from now on, he didn't want this life. The wand he held in his hand sparked out of his self hatred. He had known that for him, love was out of the question. But he had opened himself up anyway, and what had he gotten? A broken heart, just like any other fool.

His wand sparked again, and this time it caught the edge of a spare piece of parchment on his end table. He watched the flames eat away at the yellowish paper, then the cheap, un-sanded wood of the table caught as well. He smiled. What if he burned away everything that reminded him of her? Would it somehow make the flames eating away at his own heart seem less painful? It was worth a shot.

He started with the damn tan colored carpet.


	25. This is Hope

"I trust, Wormtail, that the plan has been set forward?" Lord Voldemort hissed, studying Peter Pettigrew with a deadly glare.

"Y-yes My Lord," Pettigrew said, unable to ignore the odd feeling of guilt in his gut, but he knew that in order to survive, he must ignore it. "I ate dinner with Sirius, and while he was not looking, I slipped the potion into his drink."

"Severus!" The Dark Lords voice lashed out like a whip. The former stepped out of the shadows, and bowed slightly in acknowledgement. "I know you are an excellent potion maker, are you quite sure it will work?"

"Yes my Lord, the potion will rapidly induce thoughts of suicide and depression, and hopefully Black will have done something to get himself killed by now." There was too much pleasure in the man's voice, and it made Peter squirm some more. But he must not show his discomfort, he once again reminded himself.

"Good."

The flames licked the walls of Sirius Black's sitting room, turning the wall paper an unpleasant shade of grey-green. Smoke was filling the tiny room rapidly, and Sirius sat in the farthest corner of the room, still untouched by his fire, vanishing the smoke at random intervals. But he did nothing to stop the flames from approaching.

Whenever something he saw made him think of Chasidy, he set it on fire, but it did not seem to be enough to relinquish the hold greif had on his heart. I just squeezed tighter and tighter, until all he could do was scream and scream.

From across the road, James Potter heard the screams. He knew that pain, the agony a broken heart can create, but he also saw the flames. He noticed them just as a window exploded from the heat.

Muggles were starting to notice the house, as Sirius had not yet completed his protection charms yet. Quickly, James disillusioned himself and ran into the house, in fear for his friends life.

The only room that seemed to be ablaze was the sitting room, and as soon as James Potter entered, he breathed a sigh of relief at seeing Sirius alive, but he was also stunned to see him creating the fire himself.

"Sirius!" he bellowed, running across the room. He had stopped screaming, and was making rasping noises that sounded like a cross between panting and crying. "What the bloody hell are you doing?" he asked, as he extinguished the end of his robes which had caught on fire.

"Every thing reminds me of…. _Her._" The word was forced, and James sighed in exasperation and concern. "We need to get you some help. Come on Pads."

The fire was quickly spreading throughout the spacious room, but James managed to vanish more smoke, carry Sirius in a fireman's lift, and carry him out of the room and out onto the road.

He damned the anit-apparating spells on the place, because that meant that he would have to disapparate in front of at least six muggles. But he would let the ministry deal with the modifying of memories, he had to get Sirius home.

Once clear of the back door, and outside of the property boundry, he spun on the spot, disapparating.

One muggle couldn't believe their eyes, and swore to everyone who would listen that they were ghosts from a fire in the same area years and years ago. But another man, waiting in the shadows, frowned, knowing that his master would be very displeased indeed.

~*~*~*~

Chasidy had never really liked coffee, but Mindy had offered it to her while she floo'ed Professor Dumbledore. One thing that had shocked the both of them was Dumbledore coming in contact with them yesterday, after days of attempting to track down Chasidy.

"Chas," Mindy called, pulling her head out of the emerald flames. She had quickly picked up on the familiar nickname. "Dumbledore would like a word with you."

Chasidy wished that she could travel by floo, but there have been stories about pregnant woman and a type of splinching, where they leave the fetus behind, because the fetus did not ask to travel to the same location.

Ignoring the violent kicks her daughter was delivering, she stuck her head in the fire and saw the only slightly familiar view of Dumbledore's office.

"Ms. Lithmen," he began, crouching by the fire, his deep purple robes shimmering in the moonlight. It was dark there, and it was an odd feeling, seeing the dark, but feeling the sunlight warm the rest of her body where it resided in New York. "I believe we are going to attempt an extraction now, as it seems the Death Eaters are utterly unaware of your whereabouts.

Chasidy beamed. "I can go back to Sirius!?" she cried, but her smiled slowly fell from her face when he saw the look on the professors face.

"I'm afraid that Mr. Black is currently under the care of Mr. and Mrs. Potter. He seems to have been given a potion that induces depression, and Lily is trying her hardest to find an antidote, but we only have one theory as to what might help."

The old Professor didn't dare describe the situation in which Sirius Black had found himself just days ago. There was nothing left of his house.

"What? Can I do anything to help?"

"Well, that is why you need to return home. I know you have not agreed with me that your staying in New York is the safest thing for you now, I believe that you are needed back at home. Sirius Black has suffered recent heart break, and I think it is time you right some wrongs that you had to create by necessity." He bowed his head in acknowledgement that it had not been Chasidy's fault.

"So you think…." She trailed off, trying to find her words. "What has Sirius done?" she inquired suddenly, "you would not be asking my help, if Sirius hadn't gone and done something idiotic you wouldn't be asking my help." She narrowed her eyes at her old professor, but inside she was insane with worry over Sirius.

Dumbeldore seemed to ponder whether or not to tell her the truth, then he finally spoke. "He sat in his sitting room and set fire to all the things that reminded him of you."

"When are you coming to get me?" she demanded, trying to remember what time it was. A clock on Dumbledore's wall indicated that it was 9:23pm, but she couldn't think strait enough to calculate what time it was in New York.

"One hour."

*~*~*~*

Lily paced back and forth outside of the room in which Sirius lay, having a whispered argument with her husband. "Do we warn him, or let her explain?" she agonized, wanting to lessen the shock for Sirius, but scared of what it would do to him without proof.

James grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. "Let Chasidy explain, they both deserve it to each other.

Lily barely seemed to hear him. "I mean, who slipped him the potion? They were obviously trying to make him kill himself, but why? I thought Voldemort wanted Sirius on his side?"

"Maybe he's given up, and could you please stick to one topic? Chasidy will be here in less then ten minutes, at least go put on some tea or something." James tried to rationalize while leading his wife down the stairs. She looked over her shoulder at the closed door of their guest room.

They both froze at the knock on the door.

Lily practically jumped the last seven steps, ripped open their back door, and pulled a nearly seven month pregnant Chasidy into a fierce hug. Chasidy indulged her for only a moment, then pulled away. There was a fierce determinedness to her voice when she asked, "Where is he?"

"The door directly across from the stairs," James said, hoping beyond hope that this would help snap his friend out of the depressed state he was currently in.

She left immediately.

"Are you sure this will work?" James heard Lily asked, and turned around, only just realizing that Dumbledore stood in the doorway. Mad Eye was in their back yard, his magic eye going in all different directions. He merely nodded his head, while the former replied to Lily's question.

"I believe, that a shock of great joy will do just the trick."

"Sirius?" Chasidy whispered, pushing open the door to reveal a dark room, with a man sitting hunched up on a bed in the corner. He barely moved his head. "Honey, it's me," Chasidy whispered, moving closer. Finally, he looked up at her, and stared.

She was scared of his reaction. They tell her that he was in agony when she left, but proceeding that had been anger. She was scared whether that anger would be taken out on her.

"Chasidy?" he whispered, his voice was hoarse from lack of use over the past few days, and from the bright light of the full moon (poor Mooney) she watched his eyes eat her face up, then travel down her body. They widened at the sight of her stomach.

"I never lost the baby Sirius." She said quietly, taking a tentative step closer to him, both of her arms wrapped around her stomach protectively, like he would harm it.

He turned his head to the side, and his eyes avoided hers. "I thought it wasn't mine." She barely heard his words, but the agony and anger in them were enough to drive a stake through her heart.

"I lied."

Then she was crying, and through her tears she told him everything that Voldemort had made her do: how she lied to him, and disillusioned her stomach and claimed the baby was dead. Her trip to the Americas and how she nearly lost the child. It seemed impossible that all this had taken place over a week and a half, but here they were. Soon, his tears mingled with hers.

She had no recollection of joining him on the bed, but they both gripped the other as close as possible. "So… I have a child?" Sirius whispered, looking down at her stomach. Their foreheads had been touching, so when he looked down, so did she. Gently, she took his hand in hers and laid it on her stomach. Almost immediately the baby kicked Sirius' hand, and although his face looked exhauseted and worn and sad, a bright smile spread across his face. "This is Hope," she said softly.

Later, as she lay awake, held by a sleeping Sirius whose hands were splayed across her stomach, she realized that those three words could be construed in a different way then as referring to their child.

This was hope, their family being brought back together, their friends down stairs, who had long ago been joined by Alice Brennan and Frank Longbottom, were hope. As long as they had each other, they had hope.


End file.
